Weekly Internet Roundup: The Titanic Submarine Implosion, Musk Vs. Zuck, and Billionaire-Hating Orcas

Greetings, and welcome to another edition of the internet roundup. Social media has been dominated by a massive, submersible shaped talking point this week, and rest assured we're taking another look at it. However, we've got a few other things to lighten the mood as well. Let's begin. 

5 Guys, 1 Submarine

The new season of Black Mirror might kind of suck, but that's OK! We know the drill so well that we can create episodes in real life now. The OceanGate Titanic submarine saga has had all the ingredients for the perfect viral sh*tstorm. Five of the 1% paying six figures to perish on a cartoonishly dangerous vanity mission is the kind of poetic irony we rarely see play out in real life. As a result, everyone has managed to squeeze a whole working week's worth of discourse out of the matter.

The sheer insanity of the story has been enough to create a meme powerhouse that shows no sign of slowing down yet. Plus, there have been all the extensive discussions about how appropriate it is to mock the entire situation, and exactly how gruesome it is to be in an imploding submersible. This is all before we get into the racist, stalker, Blink-182 loving stepson of one of the victims. 

While the whole thing seems to be a cautionary tale in bullish billionaire stupidity, we can't help but feel for the 19 year old who went along just to please his dad. It is all very insane and stupid!

Marxism-Leninism-Orcaism 

The sea has really been feeling vengeful against rich people lately, because there have also been a whole other load of memes on this oddly specific topic. Recently, the passengers and crew of yachts have fallen victim to attacks by Orcas. Some have even been left stranded thanks to the creatures ripping the rudders off the luxury vessels, a move which some believe a traumatized Orca matriarch named White Gladis has been teaching to young whale pods. Perhaps humanity did enough exploring of the oceans back in Captain Cook's time. 

The Jake Paulification of Tech CEOs

In yet more proof that we live in the dumbest possible timeline, two of the most famous businessmen on the planet are apparently going to go head to head in a cage fight. Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk have agreed that they want to square up after persistent rumors that Meta wants to release its own Twitter rival, called Threads. 

Responding to a tweet on the matter by claiming that he was ‘up for a cage match’, Musk successfully incited the wrath of the Zuck and led him to post ‘send location’ on his Instagram story. We don't have a date for the fight as of yet, but the Vegas Octagon has been floated by Mr. Twitter. Unsurprisingly, most of the bets seem to be on Zuckerberg winning. He is a jiu jitsu maestro, after all.

He Got the Job, You Guy

If it weren't for all these darned underwater headlines, the creation of Brian Jordan Alvarez would have his place in the main character spotlight as he deserves. For the past month or so, he's been debuting an unnamed character on TikTok under the guise of a filter that gives a person the haircut every other teenage boy had in 2011.

The unnamed European grad student has endeared himself to the internet through his positive disposition, questionable grasp of English, and his determination to persevere with both scienpce and his internshit. Yesterday brought some much needed good news that he had been offered a job where we was interning, despite their refusal to give him sparkling water. God bless.

So ends another summary of a slice of the mainstream internet. It's been an exhausting one, so make sure to rest up for whatever the next few days throws at us. Happy Friday!