Weekly Internet Roundup: Snoop Dog Quits Smoke, Jeff Bezos in Vogue, and Travis Kelce Tweets

Greetings, it's roundup time again. This week, the internet has spent a lot of time pondering some big declarations from some high profile men. It's also decided that it likes to eat soil. Balance in life is important. Let's begin.

A Philosopher For the Ages

Before the events of the past few days, every pop culture savvy non-Swiftie and non-football fan had Travis Kelce boiled down to being nothing more than the newest squeeze/PR campaign for one of the biggest pop stars in the world. As it turns out, he's so much more than that — and I'm not talking about his sporting abilities.

Twitter was astounded recently when intrepid stalkers unearthed a treasure trove of Kelce's tweets from the early 2010s, when he would have been playing college football. A beautiful mix of inanity, wisdom, and random misspellings, they underline everything that was great about the place long before Mr. Musk got his hands on it. A simpler time!

No More Smoking Weed Everyday 

In continued news of the 2020s seeming like the end times, Snoop Dogg made a recent announcement on Instagram that shook millions to their core. The rapper dropped the bombshell that after a lot of thought, he had decided to “give up smoke”. While his statement asked fans and onlookers to respect his privacy, people unsurprisingly took this as an excuse to spread jokes and speculation aplenty as they mourned this staggering loss to the stoner community. Perhaps those commentators who suggested that it's a marketing tactic are onto something. 

I Love You, Alive Girl

Jeff Bezos is officially putting employee exploitation behind him to enter his influencer era, if a recent Vogue photoshoot is anything to go by. The former Amazon CEO took part in a profile about his post-corporation life with wife Lauren Sanchez, complete with marvelously cringey photoshoot. With cowboy hat and botched fillers on proud display, it's no surprise that social media jumped at the chance to meme one picture in particular into oblivion. Billionaires will always make great memetic muses.

BRB, Mulchmaxxing 

Say what you like about TikTok, it has to be admired how it manages to create a community for just about anything. This includes getting into some intense worldbuilding when it comes to memes. 

One of the latest crazes to contribute to this is Mulch Gang, a series of videos in which a bunch of impossibly cute and fluffy dogs proclaim they're “just a baby” and that they love consuming gardening essentials mulch and loam (with a side order of Red 40 and microplastics, of course). It's not just a diet, however; it's also a kind of cult-like religion.

Their “brainrot lore” as commenters like to call it is becoming increasingly complicated, as puppies prepare for “mulchgiving” at the end of the month, fret about going through mulch famines, and suffer being force fed fertilizer by the Evil Fertilizer Cat.

It's the distillation of several different absurd internet trends from the past couple of years and it definitely has to be seen to be believed. It only takes one video to become a Sister of the Loam.

So ends another summary of a few recent trending conversations. Time to rest up for the next round. Take it easy, because social media won't. See ya!