50 Amusing Memes About Life After the Altar (Marriage and Family)

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  • 01
    Plant - WIFE: "I'm so excited that you got today off unexpectedly! I have so much we need to get done! First thing is-" Me:
  • 02
    Font - THE DAD The Dad @thedad My wife has like 20% of a conversation in her head before she decides to bring me into it. We can be driving in silence and she'll just be like "and then we'll pick the kids up and go straight from there."
  • 03
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife just started measuring a wall in our house and I don't know what she's up to but its probably going to be expensive.
    via demolition4man
  • 04
    Font - Texting another mom... I'm done. I'm selling my kid on ebay. Don't be silly, you made him. Sell him on etsy!
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  • 05
    Font - Mom Jeans @momjeansplease I couldn't decide if I wanted bangs or not so I cut bangs for my daughter and she looks awful. Dodged a bullet there.
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  • 06
    Muscle - Kid : *Asks their dad for permission* Their Dad... @ShadyJuan Best i can do is... Idk go ask your mom.
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  • 07
    Font - THE DAD The Dad @thedad Does anyone else's wife quiz them about the movie they're watching with them as if you wrote and produced it yourself? I don't know why he didn't just call a taxi, Linda, I've got the same information you have.
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  • 08
    Forehead - Kids: Mom. Momm. Mommmy. Mommmmmmmmm!!! Me: 68 Seriously! I'm on the toilet!! boredpanda.com
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  • 09
    Gesture - imgflip.com OUR DAUGHTER LOST HER FIRST TOOTH THIS MORNING I KNOW. I BET SHE WON'T TOUCH MY PLAYSTATION AGAIN
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  • 10
    Font - cella paz @cellapaz : my son has just spent ten minutes trying to get pants on his build a bear and I'm like NOW YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS 6:51 AM 1/11/21 Twitter for iPhone
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  • 11
    Font - Simon Holland @simoncholland A rival dad mentioned he was up at 6:00 this morning so I told him it must be nice to get to sleep in on a weekday. 7:40 18 Oct 19 Twitter for iPhone . .
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  • 12
    Facial expression - WARNING: @KATLANKING UNATTENDED CHILDREN WILL BE GIVEN SWORDS AND TAUGHT TO GO VIKING
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  • 13
    Font - "Raising a child is like taking care of someone who's on way too many shrooms, while you yourself are on a moderate amount of shrooms. I am not confident in my decisions, but I know you should not be eating a mousepad." - Ron Funches (via lazybookreviews) I CAN'T EMPHASISE ENOUGH HOW ACCURATE THIS IS.
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  • 14
    Font - emí @kxndle_ Should you keep your family out of relationship issues? @possiblly Yeah cause I might forgive you but my momma won't
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  • 15
    Organism - How I feel when my kids won't eat their food THEN GO AHEAD AND STARRRRRRRRRRRRRRVE!!
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  • 16
    Military person - When the baby falls asleep on you and you try to move them to the crib
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  • 17
    Font - Sauna @locsnsmiles_24 You know who is toxic? TODDLERS. toddlers will act a fool all day and then hug you at the end of the night like they aint terrorize you, the furniture and the dog earlier
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  • 18
    Organism - KK @kkstaackz_ My 6 year old brothers teacher asked the class what's their favorite season and he said garlic powder
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  • 19
    Arm - Dad with Daughter Dad with Son
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  • 20
    Happy - Please hold my hand and walk next to me. Kid:
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  • 21
    Font - Viktor Winetrout @Cpin42 My grandmother lived to be 102. When I asked her what her secret was, she said, "God's punishing me." 11:33 PM - 2/15/19 Twitter Web Client 16.3K Retweets 102K Likes 27
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  • 22
    Font - "Bare Minimum Parenting" is in sto... @XplodingUnicorn My daughter's lip is bleeding. None of her sisters know what happened. At least they know the first rule of Fight Club.
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  • 23
    Font - Mother of the year W Kamal Kaur W @kamz26 My son threatened to hold his breath until I gave him ice cream. He's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists.
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  • 24
    Rectangle - Wendi Aarons Ⓒ @WendiAarons Follow Just changed the Netflix password so my teenager has to come out of his room to talk to me. 12:04 PM - 16 Oct 2016 2 Retweets 41 Likes
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  • 25
    Product - GRANDPARENTS BE LIKE ONE LITTLE SNACK BEFORE YOU GO HOME MEMEFUL CO
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  • 26
    Property - for $250.00 an hour I will pose as a couples therapist & convince your loved one they are wrong about everything
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  • 27
    Forehead - MY BUDDY ASKED IF HE COULD CRASH ON MY COUCH TONIGHT. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO HIM I'M MARRIED NOW, AND THAT'S WHERE I SLEEP.
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  • 28
    Photograph - How I pictured having kids close in age would be How it actually is ZANIA New
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  • 29
    Font - MY WIFE ASKS ME TO REMIND HER OF STUFF. THAT WAY, IF SHE FORGETS SOMETHING, IT'S MY FAULT.
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  • 30
    Primate - ME MY KID SAYING "I LOVE YOU" OUT OF NOWHERE THE DAD
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  • 31
    Human body - Kendra Alvey @Kendragarden Follow I couldn't remember the word "stroller" so I called it a "gremlin holder" but, sure, I'll be your kid's godmother.
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  • 32
    Font - Kiss my Fat Ash @Tobi_Is_Fab ... I just found myself on the toilet peeling a banana because I live with tiny tyrants 11:37 AM 1/17/21. Twitter for iPhone
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  • 33
    Font - Average Dad @Average_Dad1 I asked my wife to share her queen sized blanket to which she replied she was a queen and therefore the blanket was already at max capacity 9:10 PM 3/31/20 Twitter for iPhone > .
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  • 34
    Font - Elizabeth Queen of the North(er... @lizinthelibrary I was recording a video for our church for children's time. Was supposed to interview the girls about their father. "Rose what is your daddy's favorite thing to do?" Her response, without hesitation, "my mommy" 9:54 PM 16 Jun 20 Twitter for iPhone 4 Retweets 71 Likes
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  • 35
    Vertebrate - Wife: *out of nowhere* "Fine, I'll do it, then! Me: MAN SHED
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  • 36
    Jaw - Oh, excuse me. Today you don't like bananas? I'm sorry, I must have confused you with that toddler that ate three entire bananas yesterday
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  • 37
    Adaptation - 5 year old me pretending to smoke when it's cold outside boredpanda.com
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  • 38
    Font - Laura Marie @Imegordon You can't hurt me. You're not a picture of me that my husband took. 11:04 PM - 2020-11-09 · Twitter for Android : 216 Retweets 20 Quote Tweets 1,206 Likes
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  • 39
    Organism - Jessie @mommajessiec My husband used my Bath & Body Works body wash and now he smells like lavender and won't stop talking about what he bought on clearance. 6:57 AM 1/11/21 Twitter for iPhone :
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  • 40
    Clothing - When your big brother is touching your food E 業
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  • 41
    Font - Lessons from the Minivan @FromMinivan Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week's worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas. There's no middle ground.
    via demolition4man
  • 42
    Font - No Idea: Daddy Blog @byclintedwards Watching "Back to the Future II" with 14yo, and he said "2015?! That's not the future. That was 6 years ago!" I just sat there, quietly, almost like I was at my own funeral, because I'd somehow outlived the future of my own childhood, and somehow I'm not already dead.
    via AnUnknownAgent
  • 43
    Forehead - When you tell your kids it's bedtime and all of the sudden they're hungry, thirsty, and need to pee @DadPatrol [stares motherfuckerly]
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  • 44
    Eye - The real reason they discourage MRIs during pregnancy is because then people would realise they're incubating nightmare demons and would be rightfully terrified i bless the rains down in castamere @Chinchillazilla I hate this SO MUCH but I can't look away
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  • 45
    Font - Them: what's it like to parent a toddler? Me: imagine if sitting down and silence were illegal
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  • 46
    Font - Dad and Buried @DadandBuried When you have more than one kid, you think the oldest will become both playmate and protector, but instead he turns into a power-mad dictator who rules his subjects with an iron fist.
    via AnUnknownAgent
  • 47
    Organism - Derek Simpson @dereksimpson You're just going to have to trust me that I love my kids...I can't keep up with y'all's made up holidays. 11:24 PM 9/27/21 Twitter for iPad .
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  • 48
    Font - He pressed her up against the wall. She could feel his jorts bulging as he untucked his "World's Best Dad" t-shirt. She pushed him backwards onto the bed and he began to undress. "No." she said, "The New Balance 624s stay on." 49 Like Comment 15 Comments Send "I'm so hot" she proclaimed. "Hi hot, I'm dad" he whispered.
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  • 49
    Rectangle - IF YOUR MOMMA IS 29-38 KNOW THIS, DON'T TEST HER. MASTER P, THREE 6 MAFIA, AND DMX RAISED HER AND SHE AIN'T NEVA SCURRED.
    via AnUnknownAgent
  • 50
    White - 3:40 huffpost.com/entry/hilarious-pr 22 1:18 PM Jan 26, 2016 525 Sam @SufficientCharm f 182 people are Tweeting a... 5 Stages of Pregnancy: 1: Crying 847 2: Peeing 3: Crying because you peed 4: Peeing because you're crying 5: The toilet is your home now 11:25 AM. Apr 24, 2017 331 people are Tweeting a... A Bearer Of Dad News @HomeWithPeanut O I was reading to my kids today and in the story, there was a pregnant woman 99% :
    via AnUnknownAgent

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