'People don't [know] what they want': 25+ candid reasons behind today's breakups

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Ben Weiss • Writer and Editor
Sep 18, 2023 4:00 PM EDT

People are getting candid online about why their relationships are falling apart. No, the answer is not because Mercury is in retrograde, although if you haven't noticed, there have been an unusually high number of breakups and divorces this year among public figures and celebrities. 

If we look closer than astrology, which is not exactly my preferred method of analysis, there seems to be a disconnect among partnerships about how to even be in a partnership anymore. Part of that is because of the world of social media and the proliferation of the Internet. Other reasons are related to shifting values and priorities among younger adults. However, there's the other side of the argument, which is that breakups have always existed and will always exist. Perhaps not everything is tied to Internet culture or what young people want these days. Perhaps the reasons behind couples splitting in 2023 is not too dissimilar to the reasons behind breakups from decades prior. Things just look different with our fancy new phones, but the reasons are still the same.

Where do you fall on this? Keep scrolling below to see what these Redditors claimed to be the main reasons why their relationships are failing. For more compilations like this, check out this list of stories where exes tried to get back together.

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  • 01
    Facial expression - r/AskReddit Posted by u/March_Echo395 10 hours ago A What is ruining most relationships nowadays?
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  • 02
    Font - SkyOk6659 8 hr. ago . Lack of self awareness. Lack of accountability. Unwillingness to commit, or address/communicate issues. And the belief that the grass is greener elsewhere. ↑ 5.7k ↓ Reply Share
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  • 03
    Font - CodeCrusaderr 10 hr. ago Studies show that one major contributing factor is the lingering illusion of choice. There is always this unhealthy delusion to miss out on an even better opportunity, which makes people less patient about small problems and more picky. 3.2k Reply Share
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  • 04
    Font - PinkBedazzledLeotard. 6 hr. ago Thinking that you must always feel that intense feeling you feel at the beginning of a relationship and that when it subsides you're not in love anymore. 3.0k ↓ Reply Share
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  • 05
    Font - CapG_13 10 hr. ago Lack of communication 2.4k ↓ Reply Share
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  • 06
    Font - Bruskk 10 hr. ago Social media ↑ 1.7k ↓ Reply Share
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    Font - D TOU Euphoric Peak. 8 hr. ago Not 'nowadays', but always: people not seeing or seeking to understand how their childhood impacts on their relationship patterns, and how prone we are as human beings to replicate past situations, especially unresolved ones. So we project a lot of our baggage onto our partner, then get frustrated when they don't resolve it for us. It helps so much to be aware of when and why you're doing this, so you can choose to do it differently. 977 Reply Share
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  • 08
    Font - Employee_Of_the_Hour. 10 hr. ago Nobody wants to put in the work. It's easier to around. just 934 Reply Share
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  • 09
    Font - transpeoplearecool21. 9 hr. ago I might get hate, but casual relationships. Ruined it for everyone because nobody says it upfront if they want it casual and end up cheating/breaking up, scarring their ex's. 663 Reply Share
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  • 10
    Font - strictconsist 9 hr. ago trust issues, infidelity and jealousy, communication difficulties, lack of balance, compatibility problems, and abusive behavior. 488 Reply Share
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  • 11
    Product - MostAd1861 10 hr. ago . trust issues. 301 Reply Share
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  • 12
    Font - MNsweet1 8 hr. ago So many things. But for me, my divorce was very much due to focusing on the end goal instead of the relationship. And not trusting myself and what I need. I've now realized how I went into all of my previous relationships thinking that "success" was getting married and having kids-not happiness. I'm flipping that as I get back to dating. 240 Reply Share
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  • 13
    Font - SeaworthinessNo6599. 9 hr. ago No substance. People get together based on attraction and a lotttt of flirting. Eventually once that fades, people realise they don't even like each other/get along or have any connection/things in common ↑ 227 ↓ Reply Share
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  • 14
    Font - Eremitt 7 hr. ago The constant grind of daily life. I have a Pamazing marriage, but C the daily 10 hours away from home and the stress is soul 199 Reply Share
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  • 15
    Gesture - Connect-Beach-2466. 9 hr. ago people are not honest that's why 166 Reply Share
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  • 16
    Font - bigcountersmallshelf - 8 hr. ago The illusion of having plenty of options. 128 ↓ Reply Share
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  • 17
    Font - Zherkezhi-08 hr. ago unwillingness to change and always thinking you're in the right and you're perfect as you are and if someone says otherwise they just "cant handle you". Someone is person who a cant keep a long term partner turns to "Dont worry they just cant handle you" 109 Reply Share
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  • 18
    Font - llyev - 8 hr. ago Lack of respect for one another. When you don't respect somebody, you don't even care to try. You're just there by inertia. 110 110 Reply Share
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  • 19
    Font - Jaxxieliz 6 hr. ago Making a person an option; shelfing them for later, being emotionally unavailable, using a partner for their wants and needs, social media, hook up culture, giving up, instead of communicating
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  • 20
    Facial expression - s33d3lement. 7 hr. ago Unresolved intergenerational trauma
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  • 21
    Font - tornteddie 8 hr. ago Cheating, asking for an open relationship, staying with people who dont respect you and it shows, not handling rejection, insecurity, lying
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  • 22
    Font - Alice_AE 4 hr. ago What's the biggest relationship killer today? I would say poor communication, social media obsession, or financial stress.
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  • 23
    Font - GiantsNFL1785. 8 hr. ago People don't talk about what they want, they just go with the flow until the eventual breakup
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  • 24
    Gesture - mook1178 8 hr. ago Reddit's relationship advice
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  • 25
    Font - Crafty_Ambassador443 9 hr. ago Too much stress
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  • 26
    Font - this-guy- 7 hr. ago Unrealistic expectations. People these days are expected to be perfect, not a single flaw. It's not just in romantic relationships but in acquaintances too. Any hint of a trait which could be "red flagged" is used as a crack to split relationships apart.
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  • 27
    Font - In the olden days it was a bit more accepted that people were just a bundle of flaws loosely held together with baling twine. Now we all have to be golden flawless gods with zero unacceptable opinions or behaviours. It's totally unrealistic.
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FAILS dating fails marriage askreddit relationships divorce breakup reddit thread Reddit toxic relationship dating couple
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