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16 Hilarious Conversations That Would Happen If Cats Could Text

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  • 1
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Hey, UPS just dropped a box off on the front porch. I'll grab it when I get home. You better come home now. I saw some thieving thugs circling the house. We live in the country. Amish thugs. You just want the box, don't you? ??? Delivered Send iMessage
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  • 2
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Phil is in my spot. Pick another spot. But now my spot smells like foul hound. You'll have to steam clean it. No. It's official. You love Phil more than me. Doglover. Ridiculous. Delivered I'll be in the utility room. Sleeping on the hard concrete. Send iMessage
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  • 3
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit So I have this really fun idea. I'm listening. You leave work right now, come home and help me retrieve my toys from under the sofa How is that fun for me? I never said it would be fun for you. Not coming home. Delivered My misery delights you, doesn't it? Send iMessage
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  • 4
    Text - Mittens Edit Messages Please remove the photo of me in the gnome costume from Facebook. But it's cute! How about I post that pic of you from the booze cruise? What's your password? No way. What's your mother's maiden name? Carlson. Why? Dammit. Send iMessage
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  • 5
    Text - Mittens Edit Messages I hear you on the kitchen counter. Get down. What? I'm not on the counter. Yes you are. I just heard a cup fall in the sink. Get down. Now. Your tinnitus must be acting up again. Whatever. I just heard you jump down. You were totally on the counter. Delivered Tinnitus. Send iMessage
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  • 6
    Text - Mittens Edit Messages Are you in the house alone? Mittens, stop it. Mittens who? I can see it's your phone. The call is coming from inside the litter box. Are you poop-texting again? Gross! This is not the poop of Mittens. Goodbye. iMessage Send
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  • 7
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit We've been robbed! What?? Are you OK?? Yes, but they took all your elastic ponytail holders! What else? That's it. Weird, huh? Mittens, I want them all back by the time I get home. I've been wrongly charged! Not kidding. Send iMessage
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  • 8
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit What is this floofy junk in my box? Who stole my Tidy Cats?? It's made of wheat. Wheat?? Like the food? Sort of. Just try it. So that's what we're doing now? Doing our business on wheat? When do you start pooping on croutons? You are so dramatic. Delivered Speechless. Send iMessage O
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  • 9
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Do you know the identity of my baby daddy? You were a rescue. Was my mother a teen hoe? Stop watching Maury. How do I go about getting a paternity test? You don't need one. I'm your mother now and I love you very much. Are you a teen hoe? Turn off the TV. iMessage Send
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  • 10
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Let me in. I'm trying to use the bathroom. I need to get something. You want to stare at me. No I don't. I see your paw under the door. That's not mine. I'll be out soon Delivered You hate me. Send iMessage
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  • 11
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit The neighbor just fed me. Where are you?? I told you I'm traveling for work. You're never coming back. I'll be home tomorrow. I'll have to be feral. I'm too pretty. I'll never last. I'll have to learn some gang signs. You're crazy. Delivered I will cut you!! Send iMessage
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  • 12
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit The sink is broken No it's not. I just fixed the drip yesterday. Exactly. How am I supposed to get water? Your bowl? I'm starting to feel dehydrated. I may not make it through the day. Goodbye. Delivered Sprinkle my ashes under the bird feeders. Send iMessage
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  • 13
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Come home! I've locked myself in the broom closet! I'll be home in a few hours. You're glad I'm trapped. Take a nap. I'm calling the ASPCA and telling them you keep me in here. Stop the drama. Delivered You want the Swiffer to eat me. Send iMessage
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  • 14
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Code Red! What happened?? My carrier's been defaced! Some hooligan broke in and pooped all over it. I guess you'll have to cancel my vet appointment. Mittens, I'll pick you up at 3 and please use your litter box. Aghast. See you at 3. Delivered iMessage Send
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  • 15
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit have a piece of poo stuck to my hindquarters. Clean it off. can't reach it. You need to lose a couple of pounds. You're calling me fat. You need to exercise. Well you need to stop posting those awful selfies on Facebook. BOOM! Good luck with the poo. Daliuarael iMessage Send
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  • 16
    Text - Mittens Messages Edit Phil keeps barking at the squirrels. He likes them. But they run away and then I can't watch them. They'll be back. No they won't. Phil has scared away all the squirrels. Impossible. He's a monster. Goodbye, Mittens. Send iMessage
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