Woman disinvites late brother's widow to Christmas, claims she's not family anymore because of her previous behavior, separating her from her 6-year-old stepson: 'She doesn't get forgiveness for past crimes just because something bad happened to her'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Dec 5, 2025 10:00 PM EST

Once family, always family… right?

Family can be a permeable idea. You're born into one that you didn't get to choose, and that's one version of family. Then there is the extended network of aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and distant 3rd cousins. Maybe you see them often, maybe you've never met them. But they are technically family either way. Then there is the family that you choose. Your partner, your friends, the people who you're surrounded by the most often. And then there are the people that your family chooses-- their partners, their friends-- who are not technically family but are still around all the time. 

All of these groups of people get different amounts of access to your life, and you probably want some control over that. It makes sense that if you don't like someone, you would limit your time around them. But what if they're in one of those built-in groups? Do you get to draw a line at some point in your life? That's the situation this woman came across after her brother passed, and his wife wanted to remain included. 

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  • A woman shows up at the door with a gift and a bouquet of roses.
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • In a normal situation, you'd probably drop everything to comfort your brother's widow. You're sharing a similar grief, after all, and might want to lean on each other. But in this story, the widow had already been on the outs for a long time. So does that justify getting uninvited to the family Christmas party? Read on for the whole story and see what you think.

  • Am I in the wrong for not inviting my widowed SIL to Christmas and telling her she isn't immediate family anymore?

    I really don't know if I am a huge asshole or not. This has been a very long year and I will be as clear as possible My brother passed earlier this year and my parents have not been dealing with it well. His wife (Hazel) before his death did not get along well with our side of the family especially my mother. I know I am bias but she has been royal bitch to my mom and me.
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • My brother had a kid prior to being married to hazel ( she was his stepmom and never adopted him) I got custody of him after my brother passed ( bio mom is in jail) One of the biggest bad point in the relationship was her lying about my mom. She claimed my mom was calling her names and fat. She was not and only came
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • clean after mom was uninvited from their wedding and missed it. She apologized to the family about that (it wasn't a good apology because she basically claimed it was a big misunderstanding). After that she was passive aggressive to me and my mom.
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • She didn't listen to boundaries ( especially with touching) and snide mean comment the whole time. When it was brought up, they claimed we were being sensitive (we were not, she literally called me ugly multiple times in "polite ways") I am very happy they didn't have kids together.
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • After my brother died and I filed for custody she did a 180. She was nice and it is weird. I know it's to try to stay close to my nephew (he is 6) My parent can not host Christmas this year so I am hosting. She texted me asking when Christmas dinner would be and any ideas for presents for my
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • nephew. I told her she is not invited. That this is just immediate family event and I need to prioritize those people and she is not that anymore. In short I was called a petty bitch
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • A woman in a yellow coat talks on the phone in the park.
    via Babak Eshaghian

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Commenters couldn't agree on who was in the right.

    madelynashton • 1m ago NTA. You do not have to continue a relationship with someone that mistreats you.
    via u/madelynashton
  • M... • 2m ago • Edited 1m ago Wtf? You took the kid she's been raising for his entire life away from the only mom he had after his own DAD DIED?? Jesus Christ your kinda a monster YTA WTF? Like if the kid was being abused by her then yes 100% take custody but if
    via u/Myboneshurt420helps
  • this is genuinely the only mom he had and you still made it so she isn't allowed to see him than that's kinda messed up:/ like yea she sucks if she did all that but wouldn't your actions be more so hurting your nephew? Your taking away his dads wife and took him from his home after his dad died
    via u/Myboneshurt420helps
  • Ms_Meercat 2m ago If you want to yeet her out of your life permanently, I think that's not necessarily the worst thing to do and you have a right to it. But I think there's INFO missing: How is your
    via u/Ms_Meercat0
  • nephew feeling? He's six, he just lost his dad, and now he's losing contact to the so far I suppose second most important person in his life? The one he grew up with? Is she going to stay part of his life? Does he want to, and if so, are you going to facilitate that?
    via u/Ms_Meercat
  • Certain_Candidat... 2m ago YTA I think. This whole big long story is about you and your mom and not about your nephew. Would you nephew like to see her? Did she ever mistreat your nephew? This is about him. He already lost one parent, and if she has been his
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • "mother" for 6 years who are you to take her away from your nephew. YATAH if your nephew wants to see her. Not only are you being petty you are being cruel to your nephew.
    via u/Certain_Candidate248
  • No-Cry-874 • 4m ago Nta. It's strange she expected to be invited and y'all don't have a good relationship. Also how lying that someone called you names is a misunderstanding????
    via u/No-Cry-874
  • • cherrymoonni 4m ago NTA. You're hosting Christmas for your immediate family, and given the history and the way she treated you and your mom, it's reasonable to set that boundary. You're not denying her access to her stepson completely just making it clear that this is your family's holiday, and you need it to feel safe and comfortable.
    via u/cherrymoonni
  • nanomistake · 1m ago NTA, she doesn't get forgiveness for past crimes just because something bad happened to her.
    via u/nanomistake
  • Gbovf198 5m ago Nta solely based off of her previous actions. Had she been keen on a relationship prior to his death my answer would be different and I'm sure she would have been invited. I'm sure she'll sink her teeth into someone else in a year or so anyways.
    via u/Gbovf198
  • • Spiritual_Truth_5... 1m ago ESH. SIL is clearly an AH for past behavior. You've written about how you and your mom feel about Hazel, but was she a good stepmother? What would your brother want for his son? If he would want Hazel
    via u/Spiritual_Truth_5152
  • to still have some kind of relationship with his son, then maybe Hazel can come for dinner on Christmas Eve or come in the morning to watch your nephew open presents. It's okay to tell Hazel that she needs to earn her way back into the family for the sake of your nephew. Start small and go from there.
    via u/Spiritual_Truth_5152
  • • Nowordsofitsown 1m ago I totally get that you and your mom do not want her there, and if there were no child in the equation, I would go with N T A. However, there is a young child and she seems to be the only mother figure the child has ever known. So: INFO: Does your nephew want her there?
    via u/Nowordsofitsown
  • . Street-Length9871 · 1m ago So this woman lost her husband and step child. I get you don't like her but if she has been your nephew's stepmom, then she is his family. This one is tough. I always think there is more to it than just one side. You all
    via u/Street-Length9871
  • lost your brother. It just all sounds like a shame that you can't start fresh but NTA, your house your rules, but I would not choose to do what you did. I feel bad for the child. He lost his Dad at age 6 and the more people that want to love him the better, for him.
    via u/Street-Length9871
  • hyperside89 · 4m ago - INFO How long was your brother/SIL married and does your nephew view SIL as a mother figure / important person in his life?
    via u/hyperside89
  • Throwing Ask-9790 OP 6m ago They were married for three years. My nephew didn't call her mom, she called her hazel or Haz. his bio mom was involved in his life until a year ago (becuase she went to jail Tbh he never mentions her
    via u/ThrowingAsk-9790
  • pidgeononachair • 3m ago If you want her there invite her, if you don't you don't. Sorry she's alone but you reap what you sow.
    via u/pidgeononachair
  • LoudComplex0692 · 2m ago YTA/maybe ESH but not enough info to judge the stepmum tbh. Regardless of your feelings. about your husband's widow, your six year old nephew has lost his dad, his bio mum is in prison, he's moved to a new house with
    via u/LoudComplex0692
  • different guardians, and now you're causing even more upheaval by disrupting his relationship with his stepmother? His wellbeing should come first, and the petty adults need to get over themselves and do what's best for him.
    via u/LoudComplex0692
  • Limelnternational... 2m ago NTA She shouldn't expect invites to anything ever again after the way she treated your family.
    via u/Limelnternational856

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