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01
"I'll just stay right here in my warm pajamas, thank you very much."
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02
"They have no idea."
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03
"Also, broccomole is not a substitute for guacamole, don't make it, it's disgusting."
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04
"A mother's love knows no bounds."
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05
"Nothing phases us anymore."
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06
"It's really nice get that three seconds of relaxation in."
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07
"Okay Ashton, you can come out now!"
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08
"Nope, I don't think so."
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09
"Have fun!"
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10
"Oh, right."
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11
"Follow me for more mom hacks."
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12
"And don't use soap to wash the cast iron pans."
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13
"I've got a few of those."
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14
"I bet they just chugged it when it was scalding hot."
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15
"That's a tough lesson to learn."
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16
"I'm sure they're fine."
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17
"Just a heads up."
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18
"My most cherished possessions."
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19
"Kids keep it real no matter what the day is."
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20
"Unfortunately, I don't think it's possible to love anything that much."
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21
"They could have just come over to my house for a day."
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22
"Sorry kid, but plain rice with salt and butter isn't spicy."
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23
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24
"I just had one explode in my hands and had a mild heart attack."
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25
"It's a surprising amount."
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26
"Who needs horror movies when you've got kids?"
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27
"And once they're out of the car seat, they can just look under the seats."
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28
"I can't think of anything scarier."
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29
"That's one way to celebrate."
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30
"And I wasn't really "ASKING," I was "TELLING!!!"
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31
"Not to brag, but I'm a bit of an expert when it comes to digital coupons."
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32
"Empty the dishwasher put the dishes AWAY."
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33
"Cereal dinner for the win!"
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34
"You'll have to pry my DVDs from my cold, dead hands."
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35
"Truly amazing."
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36
"I'm gonna need another bowl of coffee over here! "
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37
"Those robbers are in for a few hours of digging through cr*p before they find anything worth taking."
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38
"If you enjoy those things, I cannot recommend it highly enough."
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39
"Just leave it alone."
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40
"Of course, my definition of "real pants" has devolved over the years."
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41
"Whoopsie."
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42
"Decisions, decisions..."
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43
"I've gotten them to watch a few shows, but most of the time they crush my soul with a "this is BORING."
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44
"Two months, tops."
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45
"I Don't KnOw"
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46
"The kids really seem to enjoy it for some reason."
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47
"Heartwarming."
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48
"More at 11."
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49
"They're aaalllllll junk drawers now."
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50
"Spoiler alert: none of them win."