'It's time you step up as a stepmom': Woman Who Wants Nothing to Do With Kids Marries a Man With 3 Children, Baffled When He Suggests His Kids Move In With Them

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    Posted by u/IcyTap6812 1 day ago AITA for refusing to let my stepdaughter live with us
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    I (28f) have been married to my husband, (42m) for 2 years, together for 4. He has 3 children from a previous marriage, Lucas (18m), Lily (16f) and Kayla (13f).
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    While I do not dislike children, I don't want children of my own, and I made this very clear to him when we dated. This wasn't an issue because he only got his children for a weekend a month, because they live far away from us. I made it very clear that I didn't want to take care of his children, apart from the occasional weekend.
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    For the past 4 years I have tried my best to be a good stepmother, and have built a good relationship with my stepson Lucas and stepdaughter Kayla, but I am unable to build a relationship with Lily. I've tried to take her out for
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    girls days, shopping sprees and fun outings. She either refuses to go or complains the whole time. The last straw was when I got her something from her wishlist last Christmas (a bracelet that she wanted), and she threw it away, saying that I got her the wrong one and I was too poor to understand the difference. She
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    then accused me of only marrying her father for his money. I usually don't let her comments get to me, but this was the last straw. After this I stopped trying to interact with her and maintain my distance.
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    The truth is I didn't marry my husband for his money. We both work in high paying tech jobs but I inherited a lot from my parents. I even agreed to pay for part of Lucas' tuition.
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    Anyways, Lily and Kayla want to move to a better school the next school year. The school is closer to our home than their mother's so my husband said that they should live with us. I don't mind living with Kayla, but I don't want to be
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    around Lily. My husband goes to work 4 days a week while I work from home so I'll constantly have to be around Lily and I refuse to do that. I dont mind being around Kayla, but not Lily. I told my
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    husband all this and he called me an ah, and we've been fighting ever since. He says i need to step up as a stepmother and I cant let a teenager hurt me. Lily has been in tears, saying it's not fair that I want Kayla but not her, and her mother is on her side. So am i the
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    Mysterious_Pea_5008 1 day ago Partassipant [3] ΝΤΑ You made your position known and your husband is attempting to strong-arm you and override it, in your shared home. You might consider taking some of your hard-earned money and renting an apartment to work from and live in, not out of anger or revenge, but out of practicality. 46.9k Share ●●●
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    Burgling_Hobbit . 21 hr. ago I know it isn't your responsibility, but is there any way you could talk to Lilly and explain your side of things with specific examples of ways your feelings have been hurt? Just like how you told us the bracelet story, maybe you can give a few other examples. Let her know you've asked her parents to talk to her about it and they refused.
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    It might not help at all, but maybe if you talk to her like the (almost) adult person she is and focus on how she's hurt you, a little bit of empathy would kick in from her.
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    ImpressiveRaisin6625 21 hr. ago Explaining an offended teenager how they are in the wrong? Good luck with that)
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    Strike Excellent2970 22 hr. ago People are focusing on OP marrying a man with kids. That is not the problem here. OP is willing to home one and not the other because of unaddressed behavioural issues. The husband is trying to make OP parent/ babysit/ take care of his children while he doesn't want to step up. He is being selfish.
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    No_Emotion6907 · 22 hr. ago I agree. Becoming apart-ners would be good because he will have to parent his own children, and OP can work in peace and spend child free time with husband. I hate how people expect step parents to look after and pay for the kids when it suits the bio parents, but still allow the kids to be and horrible to the step parent, rather than insisting on the same respect the kids should be giving their bio parents.
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    buttercupgrump 23 hr. ago Partassipant [2] YTA **Edit: to all the people saying i signed up for this when i married a man with kids, my husband led me to believe that he never wanted full custody of them. He has never been close to his children and has said he regrets having them. It. Does. Not. Matter.
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    Things change. The kids aren't going to magically disappear just because you or your husband decide you don't want them around. My wish for 2024 is for people to stop marrying parents if they don't want to deal with the kids. 2.6k Share
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    2 PlayerOneHasEntered 23 hr. ago My wish for 2024 is for people to stop marrying parents if they don't want to deal with the kids. ● My wish is that people stop marrying men who say horrific and then come to Reddit all shocked Pikachu that the man they married is horrific. Like, literally married a man who straight up said he regrets his kids...This is not the person you should be marrying. Who SAYS that?! 3.0k Share
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    alicea020 23 hr. ago I don't understand people saying OP is NTA because she "made it clear from the beginning she didn't want them." Kids are like, one of the only things you can't compromise on. Inevitably there WILL come a time where they have to be more involved with the kids, unless the parent is a parent who chooses their partner over their kids.
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    If you don't want to be a parent, don't marry someone with kids. Idc what you "agreed to" or whatever. Kids aren't a compromise. You either have them or you don't. YTA. ↑ 355 Share
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    ChipperChipChip - 22 hr. ago But, the actual parents are abdicating their roles and dumping on her.
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    **Edit: to all the people saying i signed up for this when i married a man with kids, my husband led me to believe that he never wanted full custody of them, and if anything were to happen to their mother their aunt would get custody. He has never been close to his children and has said he regrets having them. On the weekends they were with us I spent more time with them. His reaction has me blindsided. I have suggested therapy and family therapy but my husband is very against therapy, so that i
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    **Edit 2: My husband leaves for work at 8 am and comes home at 8pm. The kids are in school from 8 am to 2 pm, so i have to parent them alone from 3ish to 8 and that is not something I want to do. When we got married I said I wouldn't take on any parenting responsibilities and I stand by it. He refuses to work from home like me or get home sooner. **Edit 3: I didn't tell Lily or Kayla any of this. I told my husband who told his ex who told the kids. This was meant to be an adult conversation. I k
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    **Edit 4: For people saying i shouldn't have married a man with kids, i was led to believe by my family that he was the best I would get due to my age. Most women in my community are married by 21. We got to know each other and I fell in love with him, and he assured me he would support my career and i wouldn't have to take the typical role of a mother. I knew that if i didn't get married soon my family would isolate me. I was coerced by my family and lied to by my husband.
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    **Edit 5: Some people are saying NTA, and some are saying YTA. It's quite obvious that those saying YTA don't know much about other cultures where honour killings and forced marriages exist. In my culture, and actually most cultured outside maybe the US and some European countries, children or teenagers dont get to say whatever they want because they're hormonal or whatever. In my culture men having multiple wives is common, men marrying young women are common, men marrying women their daughters

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