30 Funny ‘Dad Joke’ Tweets to Impress Your Better Half With This Christmas

Author image for Kim Cohen
Kim Cohen
Dec 26, 2023 12:00 PM EST

The holiday season is a time for cozy soft sweaters, twinkling lights, and of course, unleashing your arsenal of 'Dad Jokes' to all the family in a bid to get some giggles (and groans and eye rolls) out of them. 

So just in time for the festive gathering, we've rounded up the ultimate collection of dad jokes to tickle your funny bone and, perhaps, make your partner question their life choices.

These 'Dad Jokes' are sure to add a sprinkle of laughter to the festivities and we just couldn't keep them to ourselves. But, remember, if your partner gives you an eye-roll, you're doing it right because deep down inside we all know they are the jokes we love to hate. 

So whether you're in a relationship this Christmas, dating or a single pringle - may your Christmas be filled with love, laughter, and an abundance of cheesy jokes…enjoy!

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  • 01
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I have bought my wife a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
    via dadsaysjokes
  • 02
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates are always upset when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
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  • 03
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve! :
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  • 04
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife left me because of my gambling addiction. But I know I can win her back.
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  • 05
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife hated my impulse purchase of a revolving chair, but then she sat on it. Eventually she came round.
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  • 06
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes What do Santa's elves listen to whilst they work? Wrap music
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  • 07
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My partner laughed at me when I told her I was going to make a bike out of Macaroni. You should've seen her face when I cycled pasta.
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  • 08
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Some people have trouble sleeping. But I can do it with my eyes closed.
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  • 09
    Dad Jokes ✔ @Dadsaysjokes I had a date last night, it was perfect. Tomorrow I'll try a grape.
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  • 10
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My 12 year old son tried coffee for the first time today. "It tastes like dirt!" I told him it was just ground this morning.
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  • 11
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I walked into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?" He said: "Aisle B, back."
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  • 12
    Dad Jokes ♥ @Dadsaysjokes "What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?" "Where's Pop Corn?"
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  • 13
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Dad: "Son, I named you after my father." After my father: "I know."
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  • 14
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes How do you get a country girls attention A tractor.
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  • 15
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife is a body builder. She's pregnant.
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  • 16
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked me, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we were first dating?" So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents' house.
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  • 17
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes, you need.. ... to let that mango. :
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  • 18
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife says the salads I make tend to be a bit on the "dry" side. It's definitely something that needs addressing.
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  • 19
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I met a woman who only had one leg. She called herself.... Eileen.
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  • 20
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf
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  • 21
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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  • 22
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner. So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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  • 23
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary. Well the joke's on them - they're imaginary too!
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  • 24
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes When my wife and I argue, I always get the last word. They're usually, "I'm sorry. You're right."
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  • 25
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife gets really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
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  • 26
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes Yesterday I purchased a world map...gave my wife a dart and said to her "throw this and wherever it lands, I'm taking you for a holiday". Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.
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  • 27
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My wife says that I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.
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  • 28
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. She was lack toes intolerant.
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  • 29
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I was really struggling to get my wife's attention.... So, I sat down on the sofa and looked comfortable. That did the trick. :
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  • 30
    Dad Jokes @Dadsaysjokes I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.
    via dadsaysjokes

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