13-year-old steals mom’s phone to bypass parental controls and sneakily use Instagram and Snapchat, she considers taking his phone until high school: ‘He resents us for not allowing him to have social media’

Author image for Ely Bulnes
Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Aug 19, 2025 5:00 PM EDT

There comes a point in every parent's life where they realize that their kids are actually getting sneakier. On one hand, you're kind of proud of their new and improved problem solving skills; on the other hand, you worry you've raised a small criminal. Gone are the days where hiding broccoli under the mashed potatoes was the worst of their offenses; now they're pulling off cyber crimes from the family iPad just to outsmart parental controls. 

My friends and I were pulling the same stunts a decade ago in high school! My best friend figured out how to reset her Chromebook's firewall and spent most of her Senior year watching K-dramas in the back of every class. She actually became the go-to "jailbreaker" at our school and was eventually caught by the faculty. Her mom was pretty disappointed in her until she pointed out how much she learned about computers in her efforts to undermine The Man. 

That's sort of the situation in which we find ourselves today. A mom wakes up to find her phone mysteriously tampered with, parental control apps deleted, and her teenage son acting like it's no biggie. When he finally relents and admits that he was trying to sneak onto Snapchat and Instagram behind her back, mom takes to social media herself for validation. The result is a complex convo about honesty, rules, and whether or not taking away a kid's phone until high school is the only way to navigate this uber-connected world we inhabit. 

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  • 01

    My 13 y/o stole my phone and uninstalled parenting app

    Cheezburger Image 10543359744
    via Maria Sbytova

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 02
    Woke up this morning to my phone missing and when I found it the change password site was up for the parenting app I use and the app was uninstalled.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 03
    Obviously I'm pretty upset by this betrayal and am honestly considering just taking his phone until he is in high school.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 04
    Anyone dealt with something like this? How can I restore trust in our relationship?
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 05
    Cheezburger Image 10543360256
    via Superette from corelens

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 06
    UPDATE: So I asked my son when he first started stealing our phones to change his screen time and I got a typical teenage
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 07
    response "I dunno, a while." He at first denied uninstalling the app but eventually fessed up to it, and when I asked why he didn't want
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 08
    to tell me. Eventually he confessed that he was trying to allow access to social media.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 09
    We've made it pretty clear that he was not allowed to have social media until he's 16 and that was non-negotiable. All his friends are on Snapchat and Instagram and
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 10
    he feels excluded and.....I don't care. We told him we were disappointed with the lying and stealing more than trying to
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 11
    access social media. I thanked him for be honest about trying to get social media and offered to let him use his phone for 15
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 12
    minutes to explain to his friends why he wasn't going to be responding to any texts or group chats for a LONG time. He declined and then went and cried in his room.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 13
    Mother places hand on teenage son's head to console him
    via Kindel Media

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 14
    I still don't think he's sorry. I think he's just upset that he got caught. I think he resents us for not allowing him to have social
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 15
    media like his friends. He never apologized, and will barely speak to us. I believe in his mind this is our fault for being the mean parents that won't let him have what his friends have.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 16
    I ordered a hard copy of Jonathan Haidt's The Anxious Generation and I'm going to make him read it and write a book
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 17
    report explaining why kids shouldn't have access to social media until 16. Maybe then he can have his phone back.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 18
    cnunterz The phone is too much for him and that's not his fault. Its addictive for adults, let alone
    via u/cnunterz
  • 19
    children. Combine that with intense social pressures at this age and it's a recipe for incidents like this.
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 20
    kingpudsey Remove the phone. Trust has been broken. That is deceitful and shows that (understandably) he does not have the emotional maturity to handle phones. (Same, age 37).
    via u/kingpudsey
  • 21
    nivsei15 Immediately no more phone. He can have an emergency dumb phone to call a certain number of people and thats it.
    via u/nivsei15
  • 22
    Impressive Rock872 Needs to work on that sneakiness. Leaves apps open, doesn't put your phone back the way it was.
    via u/ImpressiveRock872
  • 23
    Changoleo Amateur for sure. Needs to level up sneak before taking on another quest like this.
    via u/Changoleo

  • I certainly don't condone sneaky behavior, but as a former sneaky teenager, I agree that this was messy work!

  • 24
    He's certainly not alone. My classrooms are full of kids who are wholly convinced that if they just keep their phones slightly below their desk, then nobody will catch on that they're completely checked out.
    via u/Changoleo
  • 25
    PeterGibbons316 OP I'm not sure if I'm more upset by the dishonesty or the fact that my offspring is clearly an idiot. I'm going to have to up my parenting game just to make sure he isn't living in my basement in his 30s!
    via u/PeterGibbons316
  • 26
    bradfordmaster Obviously you need to deal with the situation itself, but two flags | noticed in your post. One is that when explaining that all his friends are on social you say you "don't care". That's not cool. I'm
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 27
    not saying give in, but you should care. At this age, some dumb thing he misses on insta is the most important social thing in his whole life, he hasn't experienced
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 28
    that much more yet. This stuff is important to him. I think coming from a place of understanding will get you a lot further in how you set limits.
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 29
    Cheezburger Image 10543360000
    via FatCamera

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story. 

  • 30
    Also, when you say you don't think he's sorry... I think expecting that is a bit unrealistic. It's like expecting a prisoner to apologize for trying to break out of jail. He needs to understand the behavior
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 31
    is not ok, but I don't think you should expect him to actually feel bad about it, other than the general sense of not wanting to
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 32
    disappoint your parents. If you push him to "be sorry" he's likely to just withdraw and lie to you more to tell you what you want to hear.
    via u/bradfordmaster

  • It's such a difficult time for parents navigating social media use. The reality is that it's a huge part of kids' lives. There has to be some compromise that the narrator can come to with his son or else he will be missing out on a big part of his social life.

  • 33
    None of this is to say you need to change your rules, I don't have a teenager today I don't know how I'd deal with it, though I think I'd lean towards limited supervised
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 34
    access if he agrees rather than none, but that's for you to figure out. But I think you should realize he feels like an adult basically
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 35
    now, and he feels competing pressure where he's stuck in the middle between his friends and his parents and this can be really stressful.
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 36
    Also, there will probably come a time well before he's 16 that he's more than competent enough to circumvent whatever restrictions you have. He'll get a burner
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 37
    phone or something and keep it with a friend. So don't expect that you can totally be effective in how you block him forever, and talk to him about risks
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 38
    Lastly, the book report is a great idea but forcing him to espouse an opinion he might not have is a really bad idea. Make him read
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 39
    the book and write an essay and let him research whatever else he wants and come to his own conclusion and then talk it through with him
    via u/bradfordmaster
  • 40
    jeopardy_themesong Yep, I straight up wasn't allowed to have a social life (homeschooled, no extracurriculars, nothing). I was never "sorry" when I got caught talking to my online friends. either.
    via u/jeopardy_themesong

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