'Client pretends to hire me to get around the rules': Group of lawyers outsmart security guard

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 2, 2024 11:00 AM EST

Would you go to great lengths to get a bagel? Because this group of lawyers would. 

Store-bought bagels are nothing compared to freshly baked ones. If you have to pass a bagel shop on your way to work every day, that makes the temptation even stronger. Suddenly, you find you've become a bagel connoisseur as you sample all the different varieties the shop has to offer. The only breakfast better than that is a free breakfast provided by your workplace! 

This dude works as a chef. That means they have to wake up at 4 AM every workday, which is a fate I wouldn't wish on anyone. However, they get to make fresh baked goods and breathe in the delicious scents---and the OP gets to leave work by 10 AM. That's a pretty sweet gig! Around the end of one day, the OP had to drive about eight dozen bagels, some pastries, and some cream cheeses to one of their clients. It was for a huge quarterly meeting, so that's not the kind of order you want to mess up. U/Ars-Torok was just trying to do their job, but someone decided to give them a hard time about it instead. 

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  • 01
    The day I was hired and fired by a law firm. LOC So this is about five years ago. I worked as a chef at a bakery. It was my job to make everything but the baked goods. Every morning the Baker and I would walk in at about 4 am and knock out all the food needed for the day. This would leave me ready to go home around 10 AM or so. This put us at the perfect time to deliver online orders.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 02
    It was common for companies or other entities to place large catering orders with us. The baker and I would split them down the middle and deliver them on our way home.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 03
    The delivery in question was for Bob, D ck, and Harry, Attorneys at law. I have never delivered to BD&H before, but they were a regular of sorts. Every financial quarter, they would hold a huge meeting. This meeting would require roughly $700 of bagels and bagel accessories. This spread included eight dozen bagels, all ten of our flavors of cream cheese, pastries, brownies, and enough coffee to power a college dorm though finals week.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 04
    My passenger seat, entire back seat, and entire trunk are filled with food. Now BD&H is located on the ninth floor of a commercial sky scraper deep in an industrial complex downtown. parking was non-existent. There were meters outside the building, but I knew I would need close to ten trips to deliver all this food, and didn't have a lot of change on me. Company policy was to just pay whatever fines I needed to park and then turn in my receipts. the money would end up on my next paycheck.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 05
    So the building has its own parking garage, so I pull on in. The security guard, lets call him Sam, stops me and says that the parking garage is for employees only. I happily show him my delivery invoice, and offer him a bribery bagel, (never leave the store without at least two.)
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 06
    Sam refuses the bagel and says I can park in one of the guest spots on the bottom floor. the fee is $5 for every 30 minutes, minimum $10. I thank him and head to the bottom floor of the garage. So there are a total of six guest parking spaces. Just six. All of them are taken. I head back up to talk to Sam, when I see an open parking spot reserved for Bob, D ck and Harry, Attorneys at Law. There are cars in every spot, with many spots being reserved for employees by name. The last spot is empty,
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 07
    Perfect. I pull on in. I grab the most important part of the delivery (the coffee) and head to the stairwell. I get into the elevator and hit the button for floor nine. The elevator asks for my employee ID card. well... crud. So, I try the lobby. That works. From there its nine flights of stairs until I am outside the law firm of Bob, D.ck, and Harry. After introducing myself, I am shown to the room where the meeting will take place. A table is set aside for me. I set down the coffee and head fo
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 08
    That is when I see Sam talking to the receptionist. He runs over and starts shouting at me. "I am putting a boot on your F car. I told you to park in guest on the bottom floor!" I don't get a word in before he launches into a speech about security and how I could be hurting his building or people. That is when a very well dressed man walks over. It so happens to be Bob, the Bob of Bob, D ck and Harry's.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 09
    Bob asks what is the problem and soon the two are arguing. Bob: OP is delivering food for my meeting. He is allowed to use my parking spots. Sam: Those parking spots belong to the building. You are leasing them like you lease this floor. I am the one who says who can park there. He isn't an employee so he isn't parking!
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 10
    Bob: Then I am making him an employee! Sam: You can't do that! Bob:... ... ... You know what. You are right. Harry! Harry! get over here. Harry walks over with an amused look on his face. Bob: Harry here is the head of our HR department. Harry, hire this boy.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 11
    Harry pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles, "OP is now a member of Bob, Dick, and Harry's" and signs it, then asks me to sign as well. I do so. Bob reaches over to the receptionist, who is already grabbing some things.
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  • 12
    Bob: Here is your employee badge, your -PARKING PERMIT- and your elevator key card. Now please, do the job I have -HIRED- you to do, and deliver my bagels. Sam looks on in utter fury as I ride the elevator down to my car.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 13
    Seven sweet sweet elevator rides later, all the food is delivered. Bob and Harry meet me at the table. Bob: OP, you have made great strides in this company and I am proud of your work, but I feel it is time for us to part ways. Here is your final check.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 14
    Bob then hands me a crisp $50 bill. Harry: And your severance package. Now please be sure to return your badge and card on the way out. Harry hands me a $20 and sends me on my way. The receptionist is sure to validate the parking ticket that Sam gave me, and I head on out. On the way out, Sam grins at me and asks for my ticket. I place it in the machine in his station. It sees the validation I got, and lets me out for free. Sam glares at me as I drive off into the... late morning sun.
    via u/Ars-Torok
  • 15
    TL:DR, Security guard said I didn't work here so I can't park here. Client pretends to hire me to get around the rules. Never argue with lawyers.
    via u/Ars-Torok

  • You can check out this excellent malicious compliance tale below. Then, find out how one neighborhood decided to combat a pesky traffic light that kept making them all late. 

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security work stories work story malicious compliance meeting malicious-compliance-reddit chef Lawyers workplace bagels malicious compliance reddit
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