'Yeah... That's not gonna happen': Aunt Excluded From Family Events Because She Refuses to Address Twin Nieces by Their Real Names

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jan 21, 2024 2:00 PM EST

Twindom has benefits as well as drawbacks. Starting with, you have an ally for life and an inbuilt best friend. That being said, regardless of whether you look exactly like your twin or not, you will always be referred to as one of 'the twins', a pair, and never as an individual who stands alone.

The story that follows is an account of a furious mother. OP is the mother of Amy and Nina, two gorgeous twin girls. Even though Nina and Amy are identical twins, OP has made a point of valuing their individuality and enabling them to express themselves in terms of speech and dress however they see fit. As a result, when OP's sister-in-law opted to refer to them as 'the twins' instead of referring to them by name, matters escalated rapidly.

So, if you're interested in learning what happened between OP and her sister-in-law, and how OP handled the situation, read the story below! And when you're done, check out the story of a father who installs a lock on his daughter's room and refuses to remove it!

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  • 01
    She said my girls would be known as the twins whether I like it or not and once they get older people WILL recognize them as individuals but not now when they're young and "just another couple of girls."
    via Canva
  • 02
    AITA for banning my husband's sister from my house until she uses the names of my twins
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 03
    I (38f) am married with 2 children, twins Amy and Nina (6f). We live in the same town as most of his families in the house I inherited from my grandfather. It is the biggest house in the family so we often host family gatherings.
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 04
    My husband's youngest sister Jane (31f) has been traveling for work ever since her early 20's. Mid 2022 she moved in with her fiancé about half a hour drive away from us. After that Jane shows up regularly at family gatherings and rebuilds relationships with her family members. The only thing she never bothers to do is address my daughters by their names.
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 05
    Amy and Nina are identical twins. I understand when people refer to them as "the twins" but I think it is important that their individuality is respected. I always tell family and friends that now that they are 6 years old it is important for them to have their own identity and if possible please treat them as
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 06
    individual rather than a pair or a unit. My girls have different interests and hair/dressing styles so it is not hard to tell them apart. Jane always insists on calling the girls "the twins" and makes no effort to distinguish them. I asked her many times to treat
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 07
    them as individuals, like her other nieces and nephews, and Jane would say OK and then keep doing the same thing. Last Christmas Amy made paper cranes and Nina painted flower pictures as their Christmas gifts to everyone in the family. They signed their names and individually
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 08
    handed the gift to everyone. Jane's fiancé had to work this year and did not join us so after brunch she video called him in the living room while the rest of us did our things nearby. Her fiancé saw the crane in her hand and asked where she got it and Jane said "Oh, one of the twins gave it to me for Christmas. The other
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 09
    twin drew some flowers." I felt that this was a disrespect as my girls put a lot of effort into the gifts and deserve to have their private dedication recognized. When everyone left, I told Jane I expected her to call my girls Amy and Nina from now on and to treat them like individual and know their
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 10
    differences. Jane said that she won't bother as my girls are too young. So I told her she is banned from my house until she learns how to address my girls by their names. Jane just stomped off. My husband agreed with me on this. A few days ago my MIL called to plan my husband's birthday
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 11
    in early February. I told her we could have the party at my house like usual but Jane would not be invited. My MIL was alarmed and asked why and when she learned of what happened she was mad at Jane. Jane called me a few hours ago calling me AH for making a big deal out of
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 12
    something insignificant. She said my girls would be known as the twins whether I like it or not and once they get older people WILL recognize them as individuals but not now when they're young and "just another couple of girls." She said she deserves to be with her family for her brother's birthday and I need to let it go. AITA?
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 13
    MommaGrammy. 7 hr. ago ΝΤΑ As the mother of identical twin girls (who are now adults), I was very intentional about clearly treating them as individuals while still enjoying the uniqueness of being twins. Creating an environment
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 14
    where they are treated as two separate humans, not a unit, is incredibly important. They have commented more than once how much they appreciated this growing up. Stick to your gns on this.
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 15
    Holiday-Teacher900. 7 hr. ago You sound like a great mom! It's one thing for strangers to address them as "the twins" and a very different one for someone so closely related to do so. I grew up with two identical
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 16
    twins as very close friends and the competitiveness/lack of individuality encouraged by their parents/family scarred them for life. It's been so sad to see them grow apart and become vindictive as we've grown older. Instead of having a built-in-friend for life,
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 17
    they keep arguing as 10 yr olds about the pettiest things. It's only gotten worse now that they're in the marriage and kids stage. You did your girls good.
    via u/FitStarAnise
  • 18
    Adventurous-Try1728 · 7 hr. ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [37] NTA. It s ks to be identified as only a relationship with another party vs your own unique identity. This is their family - you do not dress them alike. I'm assuming their hair is cut differently given you referenced it. It
    via u/Adventurous-Try1728
  • 19
    sounds like they do not present themselves as twins so its pretty darn and b Isy of Jane to think glossing over their names and only identifying them as "the twins" is okay. This is your home and you are within your right to do this.
    via u/Adventurous-Try1728
  • 20
    That said, you might be going about this wrong. And it sounds like you can get your MIL and your husband's family on your team here to fix Jane's attitude. From heretoforth, Jane is only known as MIL's youngest daughter. Never a name. Just MIL's youngest daughter. Or, your husband's (name's) sister.
    via u/Adventurous-Try1728
  • 21
    You will make the point ABUNDENTLY clear to her if you guys handle it this way because Jane will get darn sick of being "Nana's youngest daughter" or "Flloyd's youngest sister" without a name. Get the girls in on it too. No more Auntie Jane - just "Nana's youngest daughter".
    via u/Adventurous-Try1728
  • 22
    derpyhermit. 7 hr. ago. edited 7 hr. ago Partassipant [4] ΝΤΑ Your girls deserve to be individuals and not have their identities smushed into a collective single. She is dehumanizing your babies by doing this.
    via u/derpyhermit
  • 23
    NTA Protect your babies. There is absolutely nothing wrong for with forcing someone to undergo the consequences of their actions. Hugs to you and your family. Give Nina and Amy forehead kisses from Reddit.
    via u/derpyhermit
  • 24
    chaserscarlet · 7 hr. ago Partassipant [3] NTA this isn't a case of accidental slip ups, she is actively choosing not to learn the difference between them because it's too much effort. Yet she bothers for other kids? Yeah nah, your husbands sister can deal with the
    via u/chaserscarlet
  • 25
    consequences of her own behaviour. I also second only referring to her as your husbands sister from now on. If your kids aren't worthy of name, neither is she.
    via u/chaserscarlet
  • 26
    damgood32 6 hr. ago Right? If she consistently was saying "one of the nieces or one of the nephews" relating to the other kids then you could blame it on laziness. This is just inconsideration.
    via u/damgood32

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