'I'm being accused of disrupting the group vibe': Woman sees mooching couple at friend dinner, preemptively gets herself a separate check

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Jan 29, 2024 7:00 PM EST

We've all been there—it's a big friend group dinner. It took weeks to plan and some of these friends you hardly ever see, so you really really want to go. But then the anxiety starts to set in when you start about how that splitting of the check is going to go down. Some friends are in the mindset of "just split everything down the middle!" Even though some people ordered $20 cocktails and prime rib and you just got water and a side salad. Others are all about separate checks, but who will be the one to initiate that? It's such an awkward part of group dinners, that some people will decline invites altogether just to avoid this part (I know I do). 

One friend who usually declined the group dinner invites decided to go one time because the usual "moocher" friends weren't supposed to go. However, once she arrived, lo and behold, they were there. So she immediately went to the server and let him know that her check would be completely separate. When it came time to pay, the moocher friends were aghast, however, some were totally on board. That didn't prevent the moocher friends from sending her a text the following day calling her out for "disrupting the group vibe." 

If you need more, here's another mildly infuriating situation.

Advertisement
  • 01
    Posted by u/RebelElan 18 hours ago AITAH for Preemptively Striking Against Splitting the Bill at a Group Dinner? Title says it all, but here's the story. I was invited to a group dinner and decided to go. I usually decline because two couples in this group are freeloaders and the split the check type. They order expensive items on the menu, appetizers and cocktails while I get a moderately priced dish and a coke. I was told they wouldn't be there this time,
    via u/RebelElan
  • 02
    and that why I decided to go. Well, they were there. I didn't bother asking what the story was, because it didn't matter. I knew what was gonna happen come check time. So I excused myself, went to flag down my server and asked if he would please separate my bill from the others. He agreed. When time came to pay the bill, I handed the server my CC, and paid my bill.
    via u/RebelElan
  • 03
    (I tipped 25%) The freeloaders went "oh, I thought we were splitting like we always do." To which I said "oh, well your bad." But this prompted two other people in the group to ask for separate checks too, which the server happily did. After I paid, I told everyone good night and went on my way.
    via u/RebelElan
  • 04
    The next day I got a text from another person in the group (nine total. The two freeloading couples and five solos) that I was an AH for doing that. They do normally split the bill, as it gives everyone a chance to have a nice meal they couldn't otherwise afford. And it also makes splitting the 20% group gratuity easier. I told her I would not
    via u/RebelElan
  • 05
    be guilted to staying within my means and not paying for moochers. Then I said the only reason why I came was because I thought the mooch couples wouldn't be there because they've been doing this for years. Still I'm being accused of disrupting the group vibe. Did I? I would think not because of the two that also asked for separate bills.
    via u/RebelElan
  • 06
    JeepersCreepers74 17 hr. ago Sultan of Sph [621] NTA. "I'm sorry, I always assumed we were getting together to socialize as friends, not subsidize meals for other people that cost more than what I have budgeted for myself. If that is the 'group vibe,' then I hereby opt out of the group."
    via u/JeeperCreepers74
  • 07
    The fact that others followed your lead in requesting separate checks shows you are not the only person who feels this way--they were just looking for someone else to be brave enough to do it first! If I were you, I would contact those two and start a new dutch dinner group.
    via u/JeeperCreepers74
  • 08
    TheRussell Wilson 14 hr. ago My wife and I are the ones that always order more than our friends when we go out to eat. When we are in a group setting and splitting the meal, we always offer to pay separate since we inevitably would bring the average up. And when we DO split the bill, we always pay more so that the others don't have to pay for my gluttony. Those two couples in ops story are complete holes.
    via u/TheRussellWilson
  • 09
    FlowerBambiThumper 11 hr. ago The same here. I hate splitting down the middle because I do have a second cocktail, appetizer and dessert when it's a large friends dinner party. Most of us do, so it isn't terrible. But there are always one or two who isn't hungry, doesn't drink, opts out of apps. I never feel good about the split then.
    via u/FlowerBambiThumper
  • 10
    Few_Tradition_3199 · 9 hr. ago Same it just scks either way. If I don't want a lot and am trying to save money it sucks to have to pay for others to indulge. On the other hand if I do want to splurge I don't want to do so at the expense of others who don't want to.
    via u/Few_Tradition_3199
  • 11
    UCgirl 8 hr. ago Agreed. When I manually "split the bill" I'm for sure going to make sure to pay for what myself and my party ate AND make sure to tip. I don't just "divide by five." Most of my friends and I are of the type of "you got this one, I have the next one" and we don't try to gouge each other. But these moocher couples need to take care of their own bills OR the wounded friends sticking up for them need to take the difference in their bills.
    via u/UCgirl
  • 12
    liquidsky72 Parta ipant [4] 7 hr. ago I have a friend who will not let anyone else pay. He always get the check. Very nice of him to do so. Even when its just the two of us. I would never order what i couldn't afford. And most of the time i order a meal that is significantly lower in price. Im always very grateful, but im not going to "break his bank account" just because he pays
    via u/liquidsky72
  • 13
    ProfessorYaffle1.5 hr. ago Certified Proctologist [20] Yeah, I have one friend I eat out with a lot, and we normally split the bill equally becasue it evens out over time, sometimes my meal is more expensive, sometimes his is, but we are both happy to split equally.
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1
  • 14
    We have a third riend who we sometimes eat with - she is a vegetarian so it's common for her meal to be a bit cheaper, so we generally split according to what we have ordered when she's with us, as otherwise she'd always be paying more. I would not feel comfortable splitting a bill equally if I knew I had ordered more expensive items, and I have in the past made a point of proposing that we split according to waht we've ordered, especially when
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1
  • 15
    I've ordered more, I think it's easier to suggest and harder for people to object, when you are one of the ones who will pay more as a result of the fairer split, I think it can be hard for someone to speak up when they are the one on a budget so the onus is on the ones who havespent more to make sure they pay their way.
    via u/ProfessorYaffle1
  • 16
    SpecialOneJAC · 14 hr. ago Also it's 2024. People can Venmo each other. There's no reason to split the check 10 ways.
    via u/SpecialOneJAC
  • 17
    jonelin 11 hr. ago Parta ipant [1] . Some restaurants won't do split checks on large parties, especially if they are on older POS systems. I preferred splitting checks when I was a server and didn't mind doing it even if it meant more work by hand (I'm old, lol) because I usually made more tips than I would off of one large check (because... there's always that one person who won't throw in enough in the end).
    via u/jonelin

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

service industry story dinning server waiter funny server tipping fine dinning server life mildly infuriating entitled dining experiences r-entitled waitress Reddit restaurant work restaurant server entitled people service industry funny dinning
Scroll Down For The Next Article