‘Life is hard and kids are hard’: Postpartum mom shares raw emotions after ending 12-year marriage, understanding mothers come to her aid and help her realize the reality of PPD

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    "I definitely don't feel things like before or feel anything really... I'm not sure why I'm even writing this. Maybe to just get it out there, maybe to see if I made the right decision and if I was wrong to throw [a marriage of] 12 years away. I don't know, but I do know I am struggling."
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    Am I wrong for ending my marriage?! So my husband and I just ended things last night. We've been together for 12 years and have a daughter together. This is all my doing, he didn't want to end things. Even told me I'm the love of his life and always will be. Maybe I'm still in shock because subconsciously i thought this would never happen. That I'd stay even tho I'm not happy. For context he's a good man, never cheated, never even looked at another woman. Loved me more than I have ever been love
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    the problem. It was a good talk some laughter some crying very emotional for us both. He didn't stay here last night and today i woke up feeling like something was missing. Which is weird cuz he goes on business trips a lot so I'm used to being by myself. Well just me and the baby. I'm not sure why I'm even writing this. Maybe to just get it out there, maybe to see if I made the right decision and if I was wrong to throw 12 years away. Idk but I do know I am struggling today. I love my husband v
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    Edit: tbc I never kicked him out, didn't even ask him to leave. Actually told him we could still live together till we figure everything out. But he said he can't be in the same room as me and not be able to touch me and he felt that he "needed to leave" Edit 2: So from what everyone is saying I do feel as though I have PPD. I definitely don't feel things like before or feel anything really. There was no 1 specific reason for ending things. I just dont have those feelings anymore or any feelings
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    just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reached out with the amazing advice. I know I didn't give much background into our relationship or really say anything negative about my husband. Which after 12 Years trust me I could have lol but I felt as though he didn't deserve that. Nobody's perfect but he is a good one. Again thank you!! Update: so thank you everyone for reaching out.i want to be clear yes my husband is a good man but our marriage hasn't been perfect. We're both human and have h
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    didn't want to speak negatively about him because while yes there are things I could say that have definitely pushed me towards this decision but ultimately I know this is my doing so there's no need to drag a good mans name thru the mud. He did end up coming over tonight to see his daughter and we did talk. It was good and sweet and i did tell him I would be seeking a therapist. He was happy to hear that and we ended up spending some quality time with our daughter together and then left. Thank
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    sunnyskybaby. 1d ago Hormones and depression can do wild things. please see a medical professional before abandoning your relationship that you seem to have loved up until recently. just because you don't think you have PPD doesn't mean you don't. you straight up said you "don't feel much but wish you did." THAT'S DEPRESSION. Ⓒ4 1.7K ↓ Reply ↑ Share
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    Western_Hunt485 · 21h ago Absolutely. I can take a year or longer for hormones to settle down. Talk to you gyn and get some medication that will even you out. Explain this to you husband and don't make any decisions for another 6 months. You owe it to both of you 4 112 Reply ↑ Share
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    Dry-Bet1752. 23h ago Agree 100 I'm concerned you are making a major life decision based solely on emotions. Emotions are so powerful but they distort the truth of things sometimes. Things aren't always what we see and feel and you must take some time in quiet contemplation to feel and understand the source of your negative emotions. You could be transferring these emotions onto your husband and marriage irrationally. I don't know. It sounds like you don't know which is why it's concerning and yo
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    hard for kids to go through a divorce. Things get so focused on the adult issues in the process the kids get left behind emotionally in the process. That's why courts have to take such a hard stance to be in the best interests of the children because the adults are consumed and overwhelmed. Children need consistent love and nurturing up until at least the age of 3. Your baby and maybe your oldest are risk for permanent attachment damage if you divorce now because you will mentally become unable
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    OP. please do some self help. Dr. Gabor Mate is an expert childhood trauma and addiction. He explains why infants need unconditional love and how an emotionally absent parent can cause attachment issues that will permanently harm the child.
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    skymang 19h ago Yes please see a counsellor! Well said. My wife and I went through the same rough patch after our daughter arrived. She felt like she fell out of love for me but we worked through it and spoke to someone. Now it's a year on and we are better than ever! ↑ 10 ↓ ↑ Share Reply
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    alwaysneversometimes 20h ago ● Agree - I just told a colleague yesterday whose child had turned 1 that the first birthday is a milestone for the parents getting through the first year and (hopefully) still being on speaking terms. It's a challenging year. ↑ 9 Reply ↑ Share
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    FinallySomeGoodFood4 1d ago ● Sounds like you're doing what my mom did. She regretted it within a couple months, but by then my dad had already checked out and the divorce was finalized 6 months later. She still laments their "lost love" even to this day. Ⓒ + 201 ↓ Reply Share ... Mysterious-String839 22h ago My mom did the same with her first husband. She's regretted it almost 40 years. She was a hot head and had a big ego, when she finally wanted to work things out after he tried for years, it
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    vOdin 22h ago ● This. My wife went through PMD, and it was rough. She later admitted she wanted to give it up and couldn't stand the crying. It wasn't in her control and giving the circumstances around everything I don't judge her. I, for instance, have an irrational hate for the sound of people eating. It's called misophonia. I have no control. It's just a reaction. The point is I would be very careful because my wife changed after the baby. She's coming back slowly. We're at about 1/2 way to 1
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    years from birth now. We split, too, and we got back together. There's a lot people don't tell you about having a child. It takes a great toll on a woman. Scared me. It does a lot to your mind, brain, and body. Now is not the time to make such decisions. There may be things to work out, address, and see a councilor or something, but both of you need to be with the baby right now. This being said, of course, from a short story not knowing anything... ↑ 106 ↓ Reply ↑ Share ●●●
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    kingcurtist37• 22h ago Yes, OP! You need to exhaust all of your options before coming to this decision. You just had a baby. Your mind and body are depleted. It is no wonder you are feeling the way you are right now, you have no energy to feel anything but numb. Try medication (it saved my life! Depression is a real, chemical change in the brain. And "not feeling anything" was a symptom of mine as well) try counseling, try taking some much needed time for yourself. This is not something you wish
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    Thin_Age3998 · 23h ago But I don't think I'm in love with him and I so wanna be. You're being an absolute fool and you need a good support system of women to tell you that. You have a man that's completely faithful to you and loves you and you're going to leave him why? Why? Give your head a shake. You have some kind of post partum and aren't thinking straight.There's not going to be a better man who will love you as much as he does, you being the mother of his child. Go get your man and apologi
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    hellocloudshellosky 23h ago Here is a secret not often shared: in marriage, one person almost always loves the other person more. In a long, loving marriage, there are periods of mutual devotion, but even then the person more in love switches back and forth. You have a keeper. He adores you, even now when you're worn out, physically and emotionally a stranger to yourself, trying to hold onto some piece of identity that isn't formed by your baby. He still sees you - you just need to work on seein
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    Please seek therapeutic support, take a little time away at your parents (if that's possible), but tell your husband you were wrong to speak so rashly. He's the father of your child and he loves you so much. That's just not replaceable. Not for your child, and not for you. Deep breath, and think carefully. X.
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    -cident 1d ago ● Having a baby is tough. It definitely drained my marriage for the first year and a half both times we had kids. All marriages goes through seasons of good and seasons of suck. Is mine perfect? No far from it. We both however love one another most days and know we are better together than separate and we both try.
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    You don't really speak to what is wrong in the marriage here other than that you don't feel the emotional connection so it's hard to really speak to what's going on though. I do have to say as a child of divorce, don't just suck it up and stick it out for the kid(s). It's gotta be something you both want to be successful. It does sound like maybe some exhaustion and depression (1 wouldn't recommend making any life changing decisions within the first 16 months of having a child when you are sleep
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    beauty_andthebeast · 1d ago Don't make a decision this big because you are feeling this way post partum. There will never be a perfect relationship and it seems like you have it. Love goes through different stages and post partum is definitely not the time to make a life changing decision. 422 ↓ Reply ↑ Share ...

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