'In retrospect, I might HAVE been too harsh': Father takes making-a-point too far and gets a dose of reality when grown daughter goes no-contact

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Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Feb 3, 2024 4:00 PM EST

When you become a father, you are now a father 24-7 for the rest of your life. Even if you choose to ignore those duties, that is still you affecting your child as a father, a bad father, but still a father. One of the biggest struggles parents tend to have is letting their child be free to do what they want. Parents want their kids to not make the mistakes they did growing up, so they forbid them from it. But the thing is, that isn't going to stop them, especially once they are grown…

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  • Imagine being such an entitled father, that you run to the internet thinking your side would obviously be taken. Luckily, the internet is here to serve some hot and harsh doses of reality and this father got one. User ImportantHeron7650 on Reddit wrote how he “stormed out” of an argument with his daughter and she hasn't spoken to him since. It has been about a year now and he is finally starting to think maybe he went too far. The argument was about college. He had a college fund saved for her but wanted her to use it to go to a good state school. She was applying to state schools but also decided to apply to the local community college. When he saw this he could not believe his eyes. He was so upset, he didn't let his daughter pitch the idea to him. She tried to explain that financially it's smarter, but he wasn't listening. Instead, he pulled his funds and stormed out. 

    The daughter carried on without him and got into school on her own terms, but now she is no-contact with her father. He seems to still think that he was in the right, but maybe he was just a little harsh about it. The internet is here to tell him he is so much worse. Read the whole thing below!

    Interested in more financial drama? Here's a discussion from first-time homebuyers and homeowners about today's insane market. 

  • 01
    "What kind of parent would do that to make a point?"
    via Timur Weber via Pexels
  • 02
    AITA for telling my daughter she sabotaged herself? | Mode Activated My ex-wife and I (51M) have 3 children together. We have 2 sons who are 15 and 13, and a daughter who is now 18. Their mother and I agreed on a 50/50 custody arrangement after we split up and have stuck to it until this issue arose. My daughter hasn't spoken to me since last summer due to an argument she and I had about college. I have college funds for all 3 of my kids, and had an agreement with them that they would receive it
    via ImportantHeron7650
  • 03
    Last Spring my daughter and I got into an argument about this. She was filling out financial forms for college and asked me for my tax returns. While we were going over the forms I noticed that she put down a local community college, and when I pointed it out she told me that her mother encouraged her to because they waived the tuition fees for first time college students so we wouldn't have to pay for any of it. I told her that she shouldn't be asking me for my information if she was going to u
    via ImportantHeron7650
  • 04
    Eventually I stormed out. I figured that it would blow over by the next day, as it usually does when we have a fight. However, she told me a few days later that she reached out to the financial aid company and asked to submit the forms with only her mother's financial information. They ended up approving her request but it was a long process and didn't get completed until after the deadline to enroll in most universities for the fall semester. As a result, she wasn't able to start college last s
    via ImportantHeron7650
  • 05
    I told her that was ridiculous and that she was being petty, and that she sabotaged herself and if she had just enrolled in a real college like I told her to, she would've been able to complete the paperwork without a problem. She told me that she hated me and was cold and distant to me until she moved out permanently. That was all during Spring and Summer of last year and my daughter hasn't spoken to me since. I pretty much forgot about it until my youngest son told me this morning that he miss
    via ImportantHeron7650
  • 06
    fallingintopolkadots 13h ago Pooperintendant [64] YTA. Why are you such a judgey-pants about community college? Did you even have a discussion with her about why she was choosing to do this? If she had a plan? Many students start at a community college to knock some requirements out and then transfer to a four year state college. YOU sabotaged her and your relationship with her. Ⓒ 15K Reply 1 Share Jay-Quellin30. 11h ago Judgey and controlling. YTA. do you want her to do something she wants to d
    via fallingtopolkadots
  • 07
    ladancer22 11h ago Partassipant [1] I just can't get over the fact that OP managed to forget he hasn't spoken to or seen his daughter in a year. 41.4K More replies Reply Share lordmwahaha 11h ago Not only his relationship with her - he's actually sabotaged his relationship with all his kids, to an extent. Because now the younger kids know his love is conditional on them meeting his standards. They've seen their sister get ousted, they're not stupid, they know it could happen to them. Which means
    via ladancer22
  • 08
    snowpixiemn - 11h ago My dad had this view point as well, because HE went to a community college over 25 years before me and that his credits didn't transfer so it would HAVE to be the same for me. Look time changes things and OP's research sounds biased if not outdated, much like my father's. Unlike OP's daughter I caved and did what he said despite me having to pay for it all myself. Because of this situation amongst a bunch of abuse I am full no contact with both sets of parents. 275 + Reply
    via snowpixiemn
  • 09
    LemonthymeTime . 11h ago This is exactly what I did. Got all of the foundation-level requirements of my 4 year university done for 1/8th of the cost at the community college, got some experience branching out and self-managing, and then transferred the credits over. Even if I hadn't, an Associates is a starting point. 190 Reply ↑ Share More replies chart1961 11h ago Enthusiast [7] I have two master's degrees. By far the best teachers I had in my entire academic career were the ones in community
    via LemonThymetime
  • 10
    Middle-Merdale 11h ago My mom, two of my sisters, my son and I all went to community college. One sister transferred to CalPoly and then SF State and has her master's degree. My son is now at Sonoma State getting his bachelor's degree. I received two AA's and was able to start my career. My other sister was successful in her career. My mom brought us out of poverty with her AA. Community colleges perform a vital part in the education and advancement of people in all walks of life. ↑ 68 Reply Sha
    via Middle-Merdale
  • 11
    CassieW309 13h ago Aficionado [18] YTA. . She wants to go to college. Community College IS college. Oh no, it isn't a 4 year school?!?!? WHO CARES? An Associates Degree gets her the first 2 years of a 4 year college done at SIGNIFICANTLY less expense. If she wants to be done, she can be done. If she wants to move on to a 4 year school - she can do that too. Good grief. 5.4K Reply Share mysteriousrev. 12h ago This. My parents made a big deal that I went to a community type college vs. straight to
    via cassieW309
  • 12
    vglemaire 11h ago My spouse went to community college when she was younger, to save and stay close to a vulnerable family member. After two years, she transferred to a state college. I'm not aware it ever hindered her in any way. Oh, and she got into Harvard for her PhD. 132 Reply Share
    via vglemaire
  • 13
    DeletedSoulO 11h ago The kid is smart about money and OP can't see it. She will eventually do what OP wants and end up at a 4-year college anyway. OP, go apologize to your daughter and help her the rest of the way before she goes No Contact with you for the rest of her life. YTA. 462 Reply ↑ Share ***
    via DeleteSoul0
  • 14
    mdthomas 13h ago Sultan of Sphincter [606] So let me get this straight. You're upset that one of your children wants to go to community college, which would most likely save you money in the long run? What do you have against community college? YTA 3.1K Reply Turbulent-Ad6554 12h ago 1.1K Share . I can almost guarantee that he's got like, $20K per kid saved... and somehow thinks they're getting a 4 year college degree with that.... Reply 1 Share
    via mdthomas
  • 15
    ParsimoniousSalad . 13h ago His Holiness the [1078] YTA. You "storm out" of a fight with your daughter and she cuts you off for almost a year and you "pretty much forgot about it (her?)" until your son mentions missing her. dude. The whole college money issue is completely secondary to how little you seem to care about your daughter. Lots of people take the general education courses in community college, then transfer to a 4 year college (NOT the only "real" college) as you want. Doesn't seem li
    via ParsimoniousSalad
  • 16
    nonlinear_nyc 10h ago Dude reeks of financial abuse. If I can't control you, I can't have you around. 237 Reply 1 Share More replies Roll_a_new_life. 9h ago Enthusiast [7] Isn't it even worse than that? It seems she is fine without the funds that he said he wouldn't give. She just needed his tax returns to complete the paperwork. Suddenly, that's her being "sneaky" and doing something he doesn't support. Which he was "crystal clear" about. No where did he say he'd actively sabotage her if she ch
    via nonliner_nyc
  • 17
    Samu_2020_15 13h ago | Aficionado [13] YTA-100% an AH. Going to community college was the best decision I ever made.. got my general education requirements out of the way at a 1/4 of the cost. And now I'm the President/CEO of a company. You should have been supportive and proud of her and instead you treated her like she was beneath you. I'm not sure you can get your relationship back with her after what you did, but I hope the first words out of your mouth are "I'm sorry" 687 Reply 1 Share jake
    via Samu_2020_15

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