‘That dress is to remain a dress, not a suit’: Mother Disapproves of the Alteration of Her Wedding Dress into a Suit, Despite Her Promise to Her Daughter

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Mar 3, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Having a sentimental relic of our pasts can be very hard to part from. A special ring, our wedding dress, or a pebble brought to us from a Greek island. Cherishing our memories through symbols is important to our identity. It makes sense to want to crystallize them in the pristine and pure form in which we received them. 

Take for instance the wedding dress example; if it was important to you, you might want to pass it down to your daughters when they get married, or an engagement ring, or that necklace that's been around in the family for years. We tend to want to pass down these important items for our loved ones down the line, so that this object carries its purpose and meaning through the hands of relatives. But what if the hands want to completely change and alter this object? Then what's the mode of action to avoid damage to the thing itself? Well, it's up to the individuals involved. See for yourself through this Reddit article. 

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  • 01
    Comfortable_Love8350 AITA for not allowing my daughter to significantly alter my wedding dress
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 02
    My (44f) daughter (25f) is getting married later this year to her girlfriend (27f) I have always dreamed of walking her down the aisle (my husband passed when she was a child) and she enjoyed talking about a future wedding and playing bride when she was a child, picking flowers and colours and venues. She loved
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 03
    watching the videos of my wedding and seeing me and her father get married and it was important in our bonding. When she was thirteen I promised her my wedding dress. However her clothing style is more manly, she began refusing to wear dresses or skirts when she was in her late teens, even trying to demand her school allow her to wear
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 04
    trousers, and it was difficult convincing her to wear dresses to formal events. She has gone through phases of wanting short hair, wanting to be a boy, and getting tattoos. I have always been very supportive of all of this, even when she met her girlfriend and proposed to her. I have encouraged her as much as I can. I am contributing significantly to the wedding.
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 05
    I recently called and asked her when she wanted me to bring over the dress as it would likely need slight alterations and she dropped the bombshell on me that she wanted to wear a SUIT and have my wedding dress altered to remove the skirt portion so that the bodice could be worn with trousers. At first I agreed but dragged my feet bringing the dress over. After a few weeks I
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 06
    changed my mind and told her that the dress was important to me and I didn't want her to ruin it. When I promised her the dress it was because I thought she would wear it as a dress, and she will only get to wear it if it is a dress. I offered that her girlfriend could wear it as a dress instead but my daughter said that would still be ruining it (her girlfriend
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 07
    is a much larger woman than me so it would need more altering) and has since not been answering my messages except with saying that the dress would be a connection to her dad so she is disappointed not to have it. I offered to go dress shopping with her for a replacement but apparently some of our family think I am stopping her having the dress because I disagree with her
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 08
    being masculine. AITA for telling her she can have it as a dress or not have it at all? I may be the because I promised it to her, but that was when she was very young and before I knew she wanted to change it.
    via u/Comfortable_Love8350
  • 09
    Training Dearest • 1d ago Certified Proctologist [21] NTA. You offered to 'lend' or let her 'use' your dress - not tear it apart in a way that destroys it forever. This dress is yours, with living, breathing memories attached to it. If it cannot be returned to you in it's original state, then NO, you are not the AH for changing your mind
    via u/Training Dearest
  • 10
    about this. You might need to ask a professional seamstress about what is possible. I'm sure you have other possessions that actually belonged to her dad, and she may be able to incorporate one of them; or re- create your bouquet; cake, or something similar - if that connection is what she's seeking.
    via u/Training Dearest
  • 11
    ● wonderfulkneecap • 1d ago Partassipant [1] Basically, you want your wedding dress to remain a dress. And your daughter would like to incorporate it into her wedding outfit, but she doesn't want it to be a dress anymore. If you allow her to alter it, it will still be a family heirloom -- but it won't be a
    via u/wonderfulkneecap
  • 12
    vintage dress. I think you're within your rights to simply tell her that the dress has terrific sentimental value to you and you'd like it to remain intact. Make sure her suit looks awesome though. NTA
    via u/wonderfulkneecap
  • 13
    dncrmom 1d ago Enthusiast [5] NAH but what are you saving it for? To be donated after you are gone for a stranger to alter into something else? Your daughter wants to honor you by making your wedding gown into her own.
    via u/dncrmom
  • 14
    FlyGuy 1922 1d ago Colo-rectal Surgeon [48] ΝΤΑ No there's simple alterations and then there's just completely changing the dress. I totally get why you're reluctant to do so as you'll never get it back afterwards.
    via u/FlyGuy
  • 15
    Do you have anything of your husbands wedding suit you could offer? Or could the veil be incorporated in some way?
    via u/FlyGuy
  • 16
    ● Usrname52 1d ago Craptain [185] YTA It's fine to say something like "I know I promised it when you were a kid, but the dress is very important to me the way it is, as a memory of your father." Then it'd be NA H.
    via u/Usrname52
  • 17
    But your post absolutely drips of disdain that you are thinly trying to cover. You bold SUIT like it's so shocking and wrong. You tell her you don't want her to "ruin it". And you offered to go "DRESS shopping with her". Not wedding outfit shopping, DRESS shopping.
    via u/Usrname52
  • 18
    It is your dress, but she wants to make it her own, to honor her father. You want it as a memory of your husband....that'd be fine. But, this isn't her about her changing it (because you seem fine with her future wife significantly altering it as long as it is still a dress), this is about how you don't want her wearing a suit.
    via u/Usrname52
  • 19
    notfor... • 1d ago • Edited 6h ago Professor Emeritass [85] Be honest, this is not about altering the dress. You were perfectly happy for it to be radically altered for her fiancée (a woman who dresses traditionally feminine).
    via u/notfor
  • 20
    This is clearly all because you are not happy with having a gay daughter, and certainly not one who dresses in a masculine way.
    via u/notfor
  • 21
    The not so subtle clue is "I have always been very supportive of all of this, even when she met her girlfriend and proposed to her." In other words, "even when it turned out not to be a teenage phase".
    via u/notfor
  • 22
    I was gonna vote N T A for not wanting to trash your precious dress, but I have to vote YTA for the homophobia.
    via u/notfor

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promise mother relationships wedding lol love wedding dress silly family dress reddit thread daughter Reddit funny dating
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