Controlling girlfriend forbids boyfriend from wearing a kilt to a wedding: 'She needs to get over herself'

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 15, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Kilts are rad. They have a long and storied history and culture, look fashionable, and let the legs breathe. What's wrong with that? To some killjoys out there, though, kilts are apparently embarrassing for your boyfriend to wear. What are you afraid of? That he will outshine you and no one will notice your off-the-rack Zara dress? Get real, lady. 

But seriously, the issue of partners controlling what each other wears is a big one. If anyone ever tried to tell me what to wear, I would be out the door before they finished tying their shoes. Clothes are personal expressions, especially for people who love fashion. I've dressed myself for my whole adult life and I'm not going to stop any time soon. But everyone has different tolerance levels, like in this recent Reddit story about a kilt-hater and the man who loves her. In the end, I hope the kilt wins. 

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  • 01
    020 r/AmltheAsshole u/wilted_kilt 1d • AITA for threatening to not take my girlfriend as my +1 to a friend's wedding over a wardrobe disagreement?
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 02
    Two of my friends (Kate and Max, not real names) are getting married to each other, and I received an invitation that included loose guidelines for attire, not quite a strict dress code, but guidelines for men to wear a formal suit and tie with the "Please reach out with any questions" addendum. Because I tend to wear a nice 8 yard kilt with a Prince Charlie or Braemar jacket and waistcoat when I am wearing formal attire I reached out to Kate to ask if it would be appropriate and told my girlfri
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 03
    Before I received a reply Sara told me that I absolutely cannot wear my kilt because it wouldn't be appropriate for a formal attire, mind you she has seen me in my kilt and PC for other formal events. But she said that she would leave it if the bride said it was okay. So all was good for a few days. Until Kate responded that it was great because Max would also be wearing a kilt as would a handful of other people at the wedding.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 04
    Initially Sara insisted that I still shouldn't wear a kilt because I would stand out too much because I wont be in the wedding party, until I pointed out that Kate explicitly said that she already knew some guests would be wearing kilts. But yesterday Max texted me because Sara had asked him to tell me not to wear my kilt, and he was weirded out because he knew that I would ask to wear my kilt and thought it was strange for her to ask him about it. I was kind of hurt and when I asked why she ask
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 05
    I kind of get the embarrassment angle, I do sometimes get stares when I'm wearing a kilt in public, and I know that she is introverted. She also comes from a pretty conservative background and when we first met she hadn't really encountered kilts before and she has had some misgivings about me wearing them in the past.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 06
    I admit I got kind of mad and told her that I didn't have to bring her as my plus one, because I was the one who was invited. We got into an argument and she left pretty mad last night and I while I feel justified in my decision I also don't know if I am in the wrong.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 07
    extinct_diplodocus • 1d Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [398] NTA. It appears that everybody but your gf is fine with your wearing a kilt. Leaving her behind for this wedding would clearly be a kindness so that she can avoid being embarrassed. It's far less drastic than her pressuring the groom to forbid you from wearing a kilt. I would consider this kind of extreme attempt at controlling you to be a red flag.
    via u/extinct_diplodocus
  • 08
    wilted_kilt OP. 1d I hadn't considered her asking the groom to be an attempt at controlling me, I definitely see that now. But I don't know if she really meant it that way either.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 09
    • WikkidWitchly ⚫ 1d Partassipant [3] She did. She asked you to your face and in an attempt to get her own way, she went around behind your back to try to get the outcome she wanted. You already said no. She didn't like that. Her reaction is telling, dude. Listen to her telling you who she is.
    via u/WikkidWitchly
  • 10
    Turbulent-Maybe-1040 • 1d NTA Sara needs to get over herself. You'll actually be less likely to be stared at at the wedding because others will be wearing kilts. And Sara way overstepped by going to the groom behind your back. But do expect this to be a relationship ending fight if you disinvite your girlfriend as your +1 to the wedding.
    via u/Turbulent-Maybe-1040
  • 11
    wilted_kilt OP. 1d I really hope it isn't a relationship ending fight, I am going to give her some space so I can think on it. But I am feeling a little more emotionally itchy about her talking to the groom now.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 12
    MrsDarkOverlord • 1d Partassipant [1] Please understand that the relationship ending fight isn't over clothing. It's over her projecting her insecurities on to you at your expense, her trying to manipulate you by going around both you AND the bride and by trying to rope your friend into her lies. The clothing was simply the avenue with which these giant red flags showed themselves.
    via u/MrsDarkOverlord
  • 13
    NTA LeamhAish • 1d Certified Proctologist [26] My husband is a kilt everyday guy. He has casual kilts for around the house, but I love going out with him, as he ALWAYS gets compliments from men and women. I find that amazing, because men don't often comment on other men's clothes. I'm also not the jealous type, and enjoy my hubs being admired by other ladies. If your gf is embarrassed by the kilt, she needs to get over herself. They are a gorgeous piece of clothing with a long and proud history.
    via u/LeamhAish
  • 14
    wilted_kilt OP. 1d If I could afford to and my bosses were okay with it I would wear a kilt way more often. I don't think it's a jealousy thing because most of the people who come up and talk to me about kilts are other men, but I am going to have to try for a calmer conversation about it.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 15
    Individual_Ad_9213 • 1d Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [305] NTA As long as what you're wearing is within the guidelines of your friends' wedding, you should be okay to wear what you want. Your girlfriend has the same freedom to choose how to dress at this event. For some reason, she has doubled down on not approving your choice of clothing. While that's on her, you might consider trying to figure out what's really going on. You are right in that she doesn't have to go if (a) your clothing choices
    via u/Individual_Ad_9213
  • 16
    . MorporkianDisc • 1d Partassipant [1] Info: are you Scottish/are you in Scotland? Bc I am, and this whole exchange baffled me until I considered that you might not be from somewhere that kilts are completely accepted in formal settings, in which case I remain a bit confused by why you'd want one, if not. However, kilts are formal attire, and definitely wedding appropriate.
    via u/MorporkianDisc
  • 17
    wilted_kilt OP. 1d I am an American of Scottish decent, and kilts are (in my experience) not terribly uncommon as formal attire, and to be honest it was the groom who got me wearing kilts several years ago, whereupon I discovered that they are more comfortable and look better on me than suits do.
    via u/wilted_kilt
  • 18
    NTA. FantasticAttempt_2_0 • 1d Wear your kilt, get those legs out. Be a True Scotsman, in all aspects!
    via u/FantasticAttempt_2_0

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boyfriend relationship advice kilt wedding party kilts controlling relationships girlfriend wedding clothing wedding dress weddings toxic relationship relationship drama
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