'It's too bad she didn't take no an answer': Stepmom forces mother-daughter relationship on kid despite her wishes

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 19, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Being a step-parent is a tough role to fill. You can have all the best intentions in the world and still end up alienating the child because at the end of the day, it's not up to you, it's up to them. Step-parents can have beautiful relationships with the kids in their lives, but just like any friendship, you have to let it develop naturally. If you force it, it's cringe at best, and isolating at worst. Kids are fickle. 

Of course, it doesn't help that the media is full of horrible depictions of step-parents, from the classic Cinderella character to the Dursleys in Harry Potter. They're always portrayed as wicked and unfeeling. It's an uphill battle for real step-parents to disprove. But the key to success is never forcing it, like in the case of this recent Reddit story that pulled the curtain back on an unfortunately common stepmom case. Stepmoms, read up. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/DareWorldly483 • 2h AITA for telling my stepmother she's not my mom and I am not going to give her that mother/daughter experience?
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 02
    My stepmother married my dad when I (17f) was 10 and my mom died when I was 5. My stepmother and my dad have 3 sons together and no daughters. My stepmother always wanted a daughter though and when she married my dad she tried really hard to take over in the role of mom. I never wanted her to be. That's not a her specific thing. I wouldn't have allowed anyone else in to be my mom. Still I liked my stepmother for the first couple of years and other than a couple of annoying things; she tried to g
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 03
    Once he was born she asked me if she could adopt me and if I would like to be "her little girl" and I said no. My dad asked me to talk to him about it and I told him nobody else could be my mom. He mentioned legal stuff and I said I didn't want the legal protections from adoptions and wouldn't choose my stepmother if he died anyway. My dad understood and he told me as long as I treat her respectfully, he wouldn't push the issue. He talked to his wife about it and told her the adoption was off th
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 04
    My stepmother went crazy after that. She was always trying to sign us up for mother/daughter trips and tried to spend more and more time with me. She would come up with random trips or experiences for us to do together and she started cutting my chores and responsibilities that I did before I knew her. She admitted she wanted to show me how great having a mom again could be. I told her I didn't want her doing that stuff. Then I started making excuses and getting out of spending any time with her
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 05
    Last week my stepmother told me she wanted to be the one I go prom dress shopping with. She told me it's a huge milestone for mom's and daughters and she refuses to let us miss out. I told her I'd go with my friends when the time comes and she was upset and told me she wants this to be a nice mother/ daughter experience. I told her she's not my mom and I'm not going to give her this mother/daughter experience. I told her she's not going to get any of those, because she's not my mom and I don't w
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 06
    She got really upset and I heard her and my dad fight about it. He told her she can't force that on me. She said I should be more willing to let her in. AITA?
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 07
    OxnardJEM. 2h Partassipant [3] NTA - your step mother keeps pushing when you've made it clear you don't see her the way she wants to be seen. Her lack of respect towards you wanting to honor the memory of your mother is really not a great thing. You feel how you feel, if she really wants to be a 'mother' figure - she should respect how you feel. Besides, from what you've said, this isn't about you more than it's about her just wanting a daughter and having had 3 sons instead. You can't escape it
    via u/OxnardJEM
  • 08
    DareWorldly483 OP • 2h Yes, she always had this idea that she would have at least one little girl and she tried to make me that before she had kids, but it got so much worse when she couldn't have her own. This was about fulfilling a wish of hers. Makes me feel bad for my half brothers because she has put a lot more effort into me than into them.
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 09
    . Fluffy_Sheepy • 2h Partassipant [1] NTA. You can't help that you never felt that connection. You were a little snappy, but she did keep pushing, and HAS been pushing you for years. This is so sad. If she wasn't so dead-set on the title and adoption papers, she could have had all those things, just as a "stepmom" instead of a "mom". Some stepkids are ready to accept a stepparent as a replacement parent right away, some never are, but that is up to the kid and not the adults. But anyway, she lik
    via u/Fluffy_Sheepy
  • 10
    DareWorldly483 OP. 2h We got along way better in the first year or two of the marriage. I liked her. I thought she was sweet and other than a couple of annoyances I did talk to her more openly than I did after she had her first child. That was the start of things just getting bad and where I started to dislike her.
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 11
    Fluffy_Sheepy • 2h Partassipant [1] It's too bad she didn't take no for an answer.
    via u/Fluffy_Sheepy
  • 12
    DareWorldly483 OP • 2h Yep. Our relationship would be different today if she had. It wouldn't be what she wanted and was looking for but I wouldn't have avoided going to her about certain stuff, for example.
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 13
    NoraRainbow • 2h NTA. This is a really tough situation for everyone. It sounds like your stepmom wants to be close, but she can't replace your mom, and that's okay. You need to grieve in your own way, and she needs to respect that. It's great that you've been able to talk to her about how you feel.
    via u/NoraRainbow
  • 14
    DareWorldly483 OP • 2h Talking to her really doesn't do any good. My dad has my back though. But I end up disliking her a little more every time we have to talk about this because she ignores me or complains.
    via u/DareWorldly483
  • 15
    Notdoingitanymore • 2h Partassipant [4] NTA. It's one thing not to give each other a chance for a relationship to grow. It's another to force it. I'm a stepmother and yours is dead wrong in her actions. Y'all could have had a good relationship if she didn't try to replace your mother. If she let it naturally develop. She didn't. That's on her
    via u/Notdoingitanymore
  • 16
    Far-Athlete9560 • 2h Partassipant [1] People feel different ways and that's fine. You don't want a mother/daughter relationship with her that's fine. You should never feel bad about how you feel. It's how you feel. NTA for not wanting that relationship. But is there a relationship you would be willing to have with her? Would she be willing to have a different relationship with you? Either way I don't think you're an a.
    via u/Far-Athlete9560
  • 17
    DareWorldly483 OP. 2h Not anymore. At one time we were building one but it's gone too far and she has never wanted anything less than mother/daughter.
    via u/DareWorldly483

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parents of teens family drama aita step parents teenagers blended family stepmom reddit story am i the asshole relationships parenting blended stepdad reddit thread Reddit parents family story
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