‘She is living beyond her means’: Daughter $3,000 in debt demands her mom bail her out, mom refuses but offers a budgeting plan, daughter throws adult tantrum

Author image for Elna McHilderson
Elna McHilderson • Managing Editor
Mar 25, 2024 7:00 AM EDT

How does a parent teach their child the importance of budgeting? It's an essential skill to have as an adult, but a complicated thing to explain to a kid who has only ever handled Monopoly bills… 

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement

  • Budgeting isn't something that comes naturally. This skill is something you need to be taught, whether you teach yourself or have someone teach you, it is important to know how to budget as an adult. As a parent, when do you start teaching a kid, who has no idea what money even is, how to budget and financially plan? The teen years? Or maybe once they go to college? What if they simply don't understand because you are always there to help them out in a pinch? At what point do you have to let your grown kid suffer financially so they can learn to budget?

    This mom is in that exact pickle. Her daughter has racked up $3,000 in debt and came to mom demanding her help bailing her out. When the mother asked how she got so far into debt, she was blown away. After everything she taught her daughter about being frugal and budgeting, her daughter had wasted her money on unessential items, when she knew she could not afford to live that way. 

    The mother obviously refused to bail her out, but offered to help her create a budget and the grown daughter got upset. What would you do? See the entire story and others' responses below. 

  • 01
    CREDIT CARD - "She asked me to lend her the money to bail her out... I said no."
    via SHVETS production via Pexels
  • 02
    AITA for telling my daughter she is living outside of her means and I am not bailing her out with her credit card debt
    via Antique-Duty-9547

    r/AITA

  • 03
    My daughter is 24 and living on her own. She has a job that supports her well but she is living beyond her means. I have told her so many times to cut back and even offered to help make a budgeting plan. Every time she tells me she knows what she is doing. I got a call from her and she is 3000 in credit card debt and was panicking since she didn't have enough to make the minimum payment. She asked me to lend her the money to bail her out. I told her I want to see her transactions of the credit c
    via Antique-Duty-9547
  • 04
    I told her I will not bail her out of that debt since she is living beyond her means, I also brought up that she is planning a vacation that she can't afford. Instead I told her that I will help her make a budget and it will for a few months but will probably fix her debt. She got issed at me and this started an argument. I won't bail her out and she thinks I am a huge . I told her it's her own fault for living outside of her means and a few sandwiches would drastically cut down on what she spen
    via Antique-Duty-9547
  • 05
    I've taught all my kids how to manage money, she was fine in college. The problem started when she was earning adult money. I haven't touched their money since they have turned 18. She knows how to do it, she did it in college just fine
    via Antique-Duty-9547
  • 06
    KaliTheBlaze 2 hr. ago edited 48 min. ago Prime Ministurd [416] Well then, you launched her properly, and she's the one who decided she didn't want to keep her own boat bailed out. My parents bailed me out twice as a young'un, because I lost track of my spending (forgot to write down one transaction, and I'm sure you remember that 20 years ago, sometimes it took a couple days for transactions to post, especially for things you wrote a check for), but they were a) genuine mistakes, and b)
    via KaliTheBlaze
  • 07
    learning experiences, where part of being bailed out was sitting down with them and figuring out exactly what happened and what I needed to do to prevent a repeat, and c) in the first year or two I was managing my own money, and d) relatively small ($200 or less) mistakes. Your daughter's situation is completely different - you set her up right and made sure she had the knowledge and tools, and she demonstrated that she did in fact have it all...and chose to be irresponsible anyway. If you don't
    via KaliTheBlaze
  • 08
    New_Emergency_1029 · 1 hr. ago it up and NTA mama, she needs to "downgrade" her lifestyle for a few months and then she'll be back on top of it. If you bail her out this time, she'll never learn. Can she return any of her recent purchases? The vacation obviously needs to be put on hold. Don't be upset with yourself, I came from a single parent home, we didn't have much money nor did my parent have the greatest financial background, and we all came out just fine. This struggle will help her learn
    via New_Emergency_1029
  • 09
    RecordingKindly3074 59 min. ago NTA imma give you a perspective as a child who spent above her means I was your daughter I had adult money and I went ham on it I was almost 25,000 in debt by the time I was 23 and had to file bankruptcy I may get hella shredded for it but I was dumb and didn't want to listen I was an adult and Iam allowed to make choices until I was to far gone that I couldn't keep up with the debt I collected I had store credit cards,Apple Card ,loans I was living on my own then
    via RecordingKindly3074
  • 10
    myself so I filed bankruptcy my parents did. not help me pay for my lawyer I paid him myself with the crappy job I had all the way until my case was presented to a judge. Moral of the story is there have been people in your daughters shoes that have had no help from there parents are it is our responsibility to make sure we can pay for what we want I was also taught to budget and even took a financial course in highschool (yes we had finical lit while I was in school and taught about credit and
    via RecordingKindly3074
  • 11
    iamatworknowtoo. 2 hr. ago While I agree with you wholeheartedly, being a child of parents that only said do this cuz I said so. I spent an extraordinary amount of time detailing budgets, credit, means, affordability, etc. i managed the kids finances from their first job, completely transparently, setting weekly allowance budgets, helping to save for large purchases, so that when I let go of the reigns, they had several thousand in the bank and 700+ credit scores. Within 6 months they completely
    via iamatworknowtoo
  • 12
    Current-Pipe-9748 · 2 hr. ago Agreed. I have two daughters, 13 and 15. They get a small allowance and money for special chores (like washing the car -normal chores are not paid) and money for good grades. They are Sisters, have the same parents and the same upbringing. My elser daughter has never managed money well. She always spends it and also borrows money from her sister. My younger one doesn't blow her money on . She always has money. Sometimes she buys something, and she also likes to buy
    via Current-Pipe-9748
  • 13
    2doggosathome 1 hr. ago I absolutely do not agree that parents own part of their children's bad choices. Nope their choices are entirely their own. If they choose to go into debt that isn't their parents fault at all its entirely on them. How old do adults have to be before we deem their parents no longer responsible for their adult childrens bad decisions? Btw there are many parents without financial literacy who can't teach their children something they don't know so is it now the grandparents
    via 2doggosathome
  • 14
    Just like driving a car you need to learn how to drive from a professional instructor to do so correctly, you can take a shortcut and have a parent teach you and you might pass your exam it doesn't make you a good driver, it also won't make your parent Responsible for any accidents you cause. It's the same with financial literacy your parents might be able to teach you some financial literacy but your job is to get the correct information from professionals or even google resources before you di
    via 2doggosathome
  • 15
    • . Pretty_Little_Mind 54 min. ago edited 48 min. ago To be fair, it shouldn't take an explicit lesson to occur to someone that they're responsible for their personal finances. Taking net earnings every month and subtracting your fixed costs, and then budgeting what you have leftover is fairly basic math. This shouldn't be an instance of "but no one told or taught me." Especially for a college graduate with seemingly involved parents, this is "well duh" moment. Even if you don't have parents, ba
    via Pretty_Little_Mind
  • 16
    . Error-7-0-7- 44 min. ago My parents were immigrants and never talked to me about money management, I went to school at a typical California public school where money management was rarely mentioned. Yet I somehow know that buying clothing and Amazon purchases with money that I do not have is not a sound financial move. I hate the "well you should of talked to her about money when she was 12, its your fault" argument, you're an adult, take some responsibility and recognize you have an impulsive
    via Error-7-0-7-
  • 17
    TabbieAbbie · 3 hr. ago • Parta ipant [3] ΝΤΑ Your daughter needs to learn, apparently the hard way, that she must be more responsible with her money. In the long run, it will be a good thing if she does, although she will have some big problems before she gets there. She is an adult, but still acting like a teenager. Credit card debt is a major trap for some people, as you have pointed out to her. It will take next to forever to repay that debt by making only the minimum payment, even if she cu
    via TabbieAbbie
  • 18
    You offered to help her budget and she apparently thinks you will still bail her out, but I urge you not to, unless she actually cancels the account and cuts up the card. Sometimes a credit card is as bad as drug addiction. If she messes up her credit score, the card issuer will radically decrease her spending limit and begin to charge her a very high interest rate on purchases she makes from then on. The only way she can avoid those charges is not to use the card any further. And she will not b
    via TabbieAbbie
  • 19
    kurokomainu ⚫ 3 hr. ago operintendant [60] NTA This absolutely needs to be nipped in the bud. She needs to know the cold, hard pain of her hitting the ground so that she associates that result with this kind of irresponsible behavior. If you bail her out she will go on living as if there is always a comfortable cushion to land on -- as if the trouble always disappears into thin air and isn't to be taken seriously. Some people live decades like this, getting into deeper and deeper ruts, never gro
    via kurokomainu
  • 20
    . Dark54g 3 hr. ago hole Enthusiast [7] NTA. I really really like your plan. There is an old book called "the wealthy barber". I bought it years ago, I gave it to my son about five years ago. It is a very helpful book to learn how to plan and budget. I think what you did not bailing her out was essential. Good for you. Because if you bail her out, she will continue with her behaviors.
    via Dark54g
  • 21
    • Witty_Commentator 3 hr. ago Parta ipant [2] Good grief, NTA. You cautioned her about her spending and offered to help her make a budget. She refused, she knew what she was doing. Now, she admits didn't, needs a bailout, AND is planning a vacation?!? Nope, you'd just be throwing your money in a hole.
    via Witty_Commentator
  • 22
    reluctant_cynic · 2 hr. ago It took me years but I was able to clear out my credit card debt and pay off my car as a Xmas present to myself in 2022 and the final credit card as a new years gift this year. For the first time in years I have zero balances and I pay anything off each Friday. It feels amazing to not have to worry if a card will be declined. My issue was shopping for clothes as well and eating out. It truly does add up so quickly. I am 46 years old and have been in debt since I was i
    via reluctant_cynic
  • 23
    Rapidflamingo2624 · 2 hr. ago NTA. You are her parent not a cash cow. This is a difficult lesson that she must learn, but it is better learned now when she is only $3000.00 in debt instead of later when it could be 10s of thousands of dollars in debt.
    via Rapidflamingo2624

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

teaching budgeting to kids kid in debt parents of adults kids all grown up parenting adult kids budgeting how to budget grown kids parenting mother daughter debt daughter getting out of debt Reddit empty nesters
Scroll Down For The Next Article