'It is not your sister's fault that she is accomplished': Envious sister lashes out at 'golden child' sibling for not being celebrated equally

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Mar 26, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

I was an only child, so I never had the pleasure of being compared to my sibling. This didn't stop my parents from comparing me to their friend's kids, so I know how real the pang of comparison is. Everyone has their own talents, and some of them are more easily discovered earlier in life. If you're good at school, excel in a certain extracurricular, or manage to make a lot of friends in your early life, then those things are easily celebrated. Some of us are late bloomers, but that doesn't mean we don't bloom anyway. 

But it's hard not to measure yourself against your peer group, especially if someone close to you seems to be winning the game. So that said, I sympathize with the subject of this Reddit thread, but there is a proper way to deal with those feelings, and this definitely wasn't it. Read on for the details. 

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  • 01
    "You haven't given us a single accomplishment"
    via Adi Goldstein
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/DisastrousFace7199⚫ 21h AITA for ruining at a family dinner because of my "golden child" sister?
    via u/DisastrousFace7199
  • 03
    I (F17) have a younger sister, Emily (F16) Even though they don't say it explicitly, Emily is clearly my parents' favourite child. I can understand why they're proud of Emily: she is a straight A student, has the lead roles in student theatre, swims competitively, is popular at school, and very, very good looking. I, on the other hand, am probably more plain. I work hard at school, but am not as outgoing or intelligent as Emily, and don't excel at any extracurriculars like she does.
    via u/DisastrousFace7199
  • 04
    My parents always celebrate Emily; we have certificates of her work on the fridge, always have outings and meals to commemorate her achievements, and attend all her swim events and plays. I know my parents love me, but I don't get close to the level of attention, even when I work hard. The other night, we went out with my parents, uncle, aunt, and cousins. We'd just been to one of Emily's shows, and she recently got accepted onto a summer scheme she was wanting to complete. The whole meal revolv
    via u/DisastrousFace7199
  • 05
    I'm usually more reserved or just bite my tongue but midway through the meal I shouted out "maybe if you paid more attention to me and not just your golden child, you'd have more things to celebrate". Everyone just went silent and my mom said we'd discuss this when we got home and not to ruin the meal. Emily looked shocked and close to crying. To say the rest of the meal was awkward would be putting it lightly.
    via u/DisastrousFace7199
  • 06
    When we got home, my parents shouted at me for embarrassing them and said that Emily deserves to be celebrated and that if I did something that merited celebration, I would receive the same treatment. I said how unfair this was and nothing I do gets recognised regardless. Emily joined in and said she works hard and deserves to be recognised for that and as the older sister, I should grow up and actually work for once if I want her success. I haven't spoken to Emily since then and my parents are
    via u/DisastrousFace7199
  • 07
    SnooPets8873 • 20h Certified Proctologist [24] I feel for you because I once blew up because I didn't get a big graduation party like my sister who everyone loves and even flew internationally to attend. But it was after I said I didn't want a big party because I'm really uncomfortable being in the spotlight.... So yeah, I understand the conflict in one's mind. But you have to be realistic. It is not your sister's fault that she is accomplished. If you both achieved the same thing and they celeb
    via u/SnooPets8873
  • 08
    afg4294 • 20h Because you didn't achieve similarly This is the problem I have. Every kid has something to celebrate. Emily's successes are easier to see, but that doesn't mean OP has nothing worth celebrating. If they can celebrate all As for a child who finds it easy to do well academically, they can celebrate 1 A for a child who struggles academically.
    via u/afg4294
  • 09
    shrimpandshooflypie • 19h 100% agree. Every single kid born into this world has a gift or talent; a parent should identify and help their children develop and enjoy them. One way is to celebrate individual victories for each of their kids. Their children's achievements may not look the same, but each are still achievements worthy of recognition and encouragement.
    via u/shrimpandshooflypie
  • 10
    YourMysticVixen • 21h Partassipant [4] maybe if you paid more attention to me and not just your golden child, you'd have more things to celebrate. That's not how that works. Celebrate what? You haven't given us a single accomplishment you're proud of. Emily deserves to be celebrated and that if I did something that merited celebration, I would receive the same treatment. Duh.
    via u/YourMysticVixen
  • 11
    I said how unfair this was and nothing I do gets recognised regardless. Like what? Can you list a single thing? Even a hobby? Emily joined in and said she works hard and deserves to be recognised for that and as the older sister, I should grow up and actually work for once if I want her success. When you can't mention what you're upset you didn't get celebrated for and make a show of needing to be coddled at a dinner, she's right. YTA
    via u/YourMysticVixen
  • 12
    This. littleteacup1976 • 20h Colo-rectal Surgeon [40] "Maybe if you paid more attention to me you would have more to celebrate" is such a weird sentiment when OP admits they don't do anything.
    via u/littleteacup1976
  • 13
    Amazing_Main_9963 • 21h YTA: Your sister just had a show and it was to celebrate a good show. So of course Emily is gonna be the main focus. You are jealous of your sister which happens when you have an overachieving sibling. But it's not her fault how your parents act towards her and she shouldn't have her moment ruined because of it. Please apologize to Emily for treating her so poorly for simply doing her best. Just like you want your parents to be proud of you she wants the same and deserves
    via u/Amazing_Main_9963
  • 14
    silfy_star 19h • Colo-rectal Surgeon [33] Tbh, nothing in this posts indicates to me that she's the "golden child" OP lists many of her sisters legitimate achievements, which should be celebrated. The only thing OP mentions about herself is "working hard". Is OP expecting a participation trophy from her parents or... is info missing? OP is def TA, and for OP's sake I'll say this: comparison is the thief of joy.
    via u/silfy_star
  • 15
    RitaFaye88 21h Enthusiast [5] INFO: Am I reading this right? You went to dinner after one of her events, specifically to celebrate her achievement.... and decided to make it all about YOU. and you DON'T think you're an AH at all because you don't share everything with everyone and expect them to celebrate you for breathing?
    via u/RitaFaye88c
  • 16
    jrm1102 • 21h Sultan of Sphincter [769] YTA - this "golden child" phenomenon seems to be rampant in this sub but I think it speaks more to one person's insecurity than it does to favoritism. Though whether or true or not, this wasn't the place or method to address your feelings appropriately.
    via u/jrm1102
  • 17
    World_Antagonist • 20h Partassipant [4] INFO: Not to sound cruel but I'll use the same wording as your post, have you actually done anything praiseworthy or otherwise worth celebrating you? If you don't have any hobbies or after-school activities, you might literally not have enough going on in your life to praise and make note of.
    via u/World_Antagonist
  • 18
    epinglerouge • 19h Aficionado [13] Parenting means finding things to celebrate. Do you think kids who aren't academically brilliant should just never be congratulated? You have to look at their performance against realistic - outcomes celebrate when they did well for them.
    via u/epinglerouge
  • 19
    QfromP. 21h Partassipant [4] You should read some of the posts here from children like Emily whose parents squash their accomplishments because they don't want their underachieving sibling to feel bad. It's really cruel. You should be proud of your sister. Celebrate her successes instead of letting envy get the better of you. I'm sorry sweetheart. In this case YTA.
    via u/QfromP

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family drama sibling rivalry celebration sisters teenagers siblings accomplishment parenting high school family parenting reddit parenting story sibling sister little sister golden child
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