'It went to an awkward silence until James left for the day': Employee questions coworker's constant remarks about his wife, coworkers can't agree if they went too far

Author image for Remy Millisky
Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Mar 25, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

Yikes… this person has an awkward question for their coworker.

It's not every day you ask someone why they're married. The answer should be obvious: they're married because they love each other and want to build a life together. But this worker, sharing their story from a throwaway account, was baffled why their coworker James had ever married his wife.

James seems like he's one of those husbands who "pretends" to hate his wife. He calls her the old ball and chain, and acts like she just nags him and irritates him. No matter if she's raising his kids or working her own job, this dude can't properly appreciate her. I wonder if he knows that if you aren't happy in your relationship, you can leave. There are literally billions of other people who you could date that would make you happier. I wonder if his wife knows that she could also leave and find herself a dude who would treat her like a queen. 

This person hates the derogatory language James uses while talking about women, which added to their need to call him out. U/workahthrowaway got a lot of support from commenters who assured them they were doing the right thing by questioning James' constant belittling tendencies.

Next up, check out how this lawyer got back at their boss. 

Advertisement
  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 9899238400
    via Annie Spratt on Unsplash
  • 02
    AITA for asking my coworker why he's married?
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 03
    (Throwaway with names changed because I know a few of my coworkers use reddit.) So there's this guy at my work, James, who makes derogatory jokes about his wife. Any time his spouse comes up in conversation, he'll make one of those 'oh, my wife is such a nag, the old ball-and- chain, women, eh?' jokes. He'll always say it with a big grin and then laugh, but he does it constantly.
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 04
    And when I say constantly, I mean constantly. In the three years I've worked with James, I've only heard him mention his wife without making a joke along those lines maybe three or four times. It really gets on my nerves to hear him trash talk her all the time.
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 05
    Today another coworker of ours said that he was making plans for his anniversary with his wife, and James butted in and said "oh, yeah, mine's coming up soon, too. I guess I need to do something or I'll never hear the end of it."
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 06
    And I kind of lost my temper and asked him "If that's the way you feel why are you still married to her?!"
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 07
    James kind of sputtered a bit that he was joking, and I told him that he always talks about being married like it's a burden, and that there comes a point when even the funniest jokes get old, and that his jokes about his wife haven't ever been funny.
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 08
    It kind of went to an awkward silence until James left for the day. Some of my coworkers are glad I called him out on it, some of them think what I said went too far. So AITA here? Should I apologize to James tomorrow?
    via u/workahthrowaway
  • 09
    D-O poeticbrawler Oh, NTA. NTA even slightly. I hate that kind of joking and it's so common. I mean, it's 80% of boomer humor, but all kinds of people make jokes/comments like that. Nip that in the bud when you can. I think you might get people saying you're the A because calling someone out on their shittiness is sometimes a social faux pas, but I don't think that makes you an A+. Nice work. Keep it up!
    via u/poeticbrawler
  • 10
    thatsnotaknoife ΝΤΑ is your coworker early 2000s dane cook? if not, he should learn A) tact and B) to appreciate his wife
    via u/thatsnotaknoife
  • 11
    [deleted] Yeah this is the thing, I do get that the main issue with jokes like this is it's belittling another person etc but it's also so boring and overdone
    via u/[deleted]
  • 12
    only1warthatmatters. NTA - By him sputtering and not having a quick comeback, you hopefully gave him something to think about. Perhaps he'll drop constantly making "jokes" altogether, or at least not do it in front of you because he knows how you feel. Don't apologize, you did the right thing!
    via u/only1warthatmatters
  • 13
    MdmeLibrarian My friend was like this, and one day I asked her if they were getting divorced. She was shocked. "I don't think I've ever heard you say anything nice about [Spouse]." She didn't start saying nice things, but she did time down the
    via u/MdmeLibrarian
  • 14
    Dontfeedthebears NTA at all. The "I hate my wife" schtick is so old and played out JUST in a comedic sense in the first place, but a lot of it is just misogynistic . Men never get called "nags". And maybe she "nagged" you after the 30th or 300th time you ignored her and made her do emotional labor. I absolutely hate this and I would have said the same thing. If you hate this woman so much then leave. She probably doesn't know he's saying this stuff at work (how would she?). It's not funny. It ne
    via u/Dontfeedthebears
  • 15
    SavannahGlitschka NTA: people who talk about their S/Os like that are
    via u/SavannahGlitschka
  • 16
    C [deleted] NTA James needs to go back to the 1950s with his stupid jokes.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 17
    [deleted] NTA- this happened at my work and hey the person stopped their bs. Don't let one person bring down a whole group
    via u/[deleted]
  • 18
    [deleted] Bringing down the group is exactly right. Don't infect me with that negative energy. Even worse is when they expect you to join in. Sorry, I'm not going to start insulting my husband just because you have a marriage.
    via u/[deleted]
  • 19
    pandafaze NTA It's totally inappropriate of him to constantly make those types of jokes. Why would anyone in their right mind want to constantly make fun of and degrade their spouse? You should've asked him if he would make those jokes in front of his wife.
    via u/pandafaze

Want More? Follow Us and Add Us as a Preferred Source on Google.

Tags

workplace-stories marriage jobs job work coworkers married life workplace coworker married
Scroll Down For The Next Article