‘You’re not allowed to have male friends’: Jealous Bf Puts an Ultimatum on His Gf Who’s Used to Having Male Friendships, She Decides to Leave Him

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    r/AITAH 19 hr. ago Awkward-Willow8442 AITAH for thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend because he doesn't allow me to have close friends of the opposite ?
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    I (29F) have been dating my boyfriend (31M) for about 6 months. He's a great guy, very loving and caring, the only issue is that we have different backgrounds, upbringings and thus different approaches to gender roles in friendship. For me, male-female friendship has always been something normal: my mother had male friends and my father had female friends
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    (actually, my mother's best friend is my godfather and my father's best friend is my godmother). He has a more traditional approach: he believes that a man should only be friends with other guys, and a woman with other women - · he allows for the existence of distant acquaintances of the opposite nothing more. , but
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    The problem is that all my closest friends are men. This doesn't mean that I have any problem with women! I have a lot of female acquaintances, and I also have very good relationships with the girlfriends and wives of my male friends. It just happened to be like this. I'm a researcher in a male- dominated field, most of my
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    friends are people I met at work, in college, or while doing my PhD. Most of my friends have girlfriends or wives (although my best friend has a boyfriend - he's bisexual), and absolutely nothing sexual or ambiguous has ever happened between us.
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    Until now, it has always seemed normal for me to go out with one of my male friends (or a few) for a beer or drinks once every two weeks or something like that. I usually meet my friends one-on- one, because I'm a fairly introverted person and I believe that valuable, serious and deep conversations can only be had
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    face-to-face. From time to time I invited them to my house or visited them at their apartments - we sometimes talked until morning, but, I repeat, nothing ever happened that went beyond friendship.
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    I also had vacation plans with my friends every year. With my best friend (the one who has a boyfriend) every summer I would go to our favorite spa for a few days, and with a group of doctoral colleagues we would go to a nearby lake, also for a few days. Their girlfriends and wives sometimes traveled with us and
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    sometimes they preferred to spend this time with their own friends. None of them were ever jealous of me. My ex-boyfriend, with whom I was with for 5 years, also never had a problem with this (we parted amicably: he got a job abroad, and I didn't want to go away and leave my aging parents). But both my ex and my friends' partners are more
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    or less from the same "progressive" background, and male-female friendship is as natural for them as it is for me. My current boyfriend told me he is uncomfortable with it. I tried to understand him and said that we can work out compromise solutions. I suggested that I could
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    meet my friends only in public places (i.e., not invite them to my home or visit them in their apartments) and that during such meetings I would text my boyfriend regularly, every half hour, so that he would know that I'm thinking about him and I'm not doing anything suspicious.
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    He said that for him it's not enough. He confessed that he would preferred if I met with my friends only in his company. He said that as a last resort, I could meet with one of my friends one- on-one once in a while, but only during the day and only for an hour or two. At this point I got upset. I said that these conditions
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    are unfair, especially since he often goes out drinking with his friends and doesn't even answer my calls or messages when he's out. He said that it's different because none of his friends are women. I said I wouldn't care if they were. He suggested that I should just "make new friends” who are female and that he wouldn't care If I was out
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    all night partying with my girlfriends. I abruptly ended the conversation because I didn't know what to answer: friends are not pieces of furniture that can be just replaced with new ones. He is really important to me and I have considered breaking off my friendships, but I am afraid that
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    when the honeymoon period is over, I will regret this decision because I will be left completely alone, with this relationship as my only significant interpersonal bond. My boyfriend is still waiting for me to accept his conditions, but I am increasingly inclined to leave him after all, although it will be very difficult for me, because in
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    everything else we get along perfectly well. WIBTA if I leave solely for this reason? EDIT: Ok, I didn't expect that many responses, thank you for your time and advice. I will try to have another calm conversation with him on the subject, understand where his insecurities are coming
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    from, and try to convince him that he has no reason to worry. But if that doesn't work, I'll tell him that we're no match for each other and it's better if we split up. One more thing: I badly expressed myself, I was not considering "breaking up my friendships", but adjusting to his terms and meeting my friends only in his company. But
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    I couldn't do that, it seems to me that I have the right to talk to my friends without the presence of my boyfriend. Besides, in practice it would mean that my friends would become my acquaintances and we will drift apart.
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    jbarneswilson 18h ago friend, you are an adult, he is not your parent, he doesn't get to "allow" you to have friendships with anyone. it's not his place. it's not anyone's place.
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    thegreymoon • 18h ago I didn't even read this whole thing. Six months in and he's telling you what you're "allowed" to do? Dump his
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    JadedPhoenix80 • 18h ago The only time that friends of the opposite should be cut off is when they/you are boundary stomping. It doesn't sound like this is happening in this case. Your boyfriend sounds incredibly insecure and controlling.
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    NTA, and actually very smart for thinking of breaking up with him.
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    Angela Moore44 • 18h ago Another person just posted. She made her boyfriend cut off a friendship with a girl he had been friends with since childhood. That girl just died and he is in a really bad place right now mentally. That relationship has no future because she forced him to do
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    something he knew was wrong and he can't ever fix it. His friend is gone forever. You have offered compromises and your boyfriend clearly doesn't trust you. Don't make the same mistake that guy made listening to his girlfriend over his own heart and mind. You haven't done anything wrong.
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    Naturist Moose • 18h ago NTA, it's a very good reason to break up with him. Neither person in the relationship should be restricting the other's friends.

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