Cute Chonky Cat "Pastrami" Protects His Hooman Beans From Raiding Reptiles, Proves Big Kitties Can Be Big Heroes In Hissterical Story

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Blake Seidel • Managing Editor & Brand Manager
Apr 15, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

Good meowrning, I Can Hasers. We all get cats for different reasons - some people get cats for comfort, some get them as a companion to another pet, and others get them for work purrposes (being a mouser, etc). Well, the author of this hissterical cat story has three cats, and it turned out that the chonkiest one saved the day. Purrsonally, we love chonky cats, but they often get a bad rap! This cute chonky cat named "Pastrami" is here to show you that big kitties can also be big heroes!

A lizard got into Pastrami's house, and although the other two cats were absolutely useless during this reptilian debacle, Pastrami jumped in to catch the critter and save his hooman beans from a long, sleepless night of looking for the reptile rapscallion. Scroll down to read the whole hilarious story below, and give a big kiss to your nearest chonky cat!

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  • 01
    This fat load saved the day yesterday. Story in comments.
    via u/mndsm79
  • 02
    mndsm79 OP · 2 days ago · • edited 2 days ago This is pastrami. Pastrami is only interested in three things. Treats, naps, and lizards. This involves the third thing.
    via u/mndsm79

    If we had to narrow down our interests to three things, they would be: cats, cat memes, and pizza. Combine all three of them together, and you've got the purrfect recipe for an amazing evening!

  • 03
    Cheezburger Image 9909529088
    via u/mndsm79

    Pastrami, you sly kitty, you. Who knew you were hiding such talents underneath all of that floofy exterior? Chonky cats deserve some love too, especially after saving their hoomans. Give Pastrami some love!

  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 9909533952
    via u/mndsm79
  • 05
    Yesterday, my cats were having a bit of patio time before the storms rolled in, when I heard some growling. This means only one thing- small cat (named as such because she is....small) has caught a lizard and does not want to share. Pastrami would very much like her to share the lizard. The lizard I assume, would not like to be shared- but I didn't stop to ask him. (I live in Florida. We have anoles everywhere.)
    via u/mndsm79
  • 06
    Per small cats normal mode, she brought the lizard inside. I attempted to catch her, and send mister lizard back to the freedom of outdoors. She bolted- with mister lizard still in her grasp. For my bedroom. And then she LET HIM GO.
    via u/mndsm79
  • 07
    Now, I would have assumed this wouldn't have been an issue and I'm just cleaning up lizard guts- but it turns out he was very much alive- and he took this as a signal to make a run for it.......under my dresser. Great. Now I have a lizard under my dresser. I'm going to have to explain that to my gf when she gets home.
    via u/mndsm79
  • 08
    Pastrami- having seen the whole thing go down because he's still convinced he should have mister lizard- goes in after him. Me- being mildly amused at the thought of a nearly 20lb SIC trying to get under my dresser after a lizard, decided to let it play. Grabbed my phone like any normal human, and took the second shot you saw.
    via u/mndsm79
  • 09
    What I was NOT prepared for was A-him coming back out from under the dresser under his own steam, and B HE HAD THE LIZARD. immediately, I scruffed him down and grabbed it- assuming it was surely dead this time. Made a run for my back door and pitched it outside. It landed- and took off running. These little buggers are resilient!
    via u/mndsm79
  • 10
    So, my fattest, laziest, oldest man comes up with the save, and gets the good scratches. I still owe him some extra treats (not that he needs them. Homey doesn't miss a meal. Anyone's meal).
    via u/mndsm79
  • 11
    ETA- for those that have commented and those that are going to- this is less of a patio and more of a three season porch. Fully screened, locked door to outside outside. House was built in 1982, it's not going to be pest proof. I've only let fat load outside outside once, and while he very much enjoyed it, he was A- under close supervision (he had a leash), and B- there's a very large owl that would think he's a good enough bunny that lives in my back yard, so I don't intend on making a habit of
    via u/mndsm79
  • 12
    AmandaExpress · 2 days ago For the wiiiiiiin. Good job, Pastrami! You're the best boy. P.s. When you hug him do you call him a Pastrami wrap?
    via u/AmandaExpress
  • 13
    Zarniwoooop 2 days ago . I quickly emptied my food bowl to avoid getting ants in the house. I demand a cape.
    via u/Zarniwoooop
  • 14
    Quick_Prompt_6842 2 days ago Show us small cat too OP!
    via u/Quick_Prompt_6842
  • 15
    mndsm79 OP · 2 days ago Looking her most indignant at..... something. She's usually insulted. You'd think she'd be more thankful for being rescued from an engine. Twice.
    via u/mndsm79
  • 16
    Godzilla-Hates-You 2 days ago • Way to go fat load!
    via u/Godzilla-Hates-You
  • 17
    dangerousfeather 2 days ago peytonpercytrixie The growling and not-sharing part sounds just like my house when Old Man Cat catches a mouse and Young Whippersnapper Cat wants the mouse! (I presume the mice prefer not to be shared, either.)
    via u/dangerousfeather
  • 18
    ahava9 2 days ago Pastrami FTW! Also that's such a cute name for a chonky cat
    via u/ahava9
  • 19
    Allthemuffinswow 2 days ago Russian Blue nods appreciatively That'll do, cat. That'll do.
    via u/Allthemuffinswow
  • 20
    • Quirky_Potential_834 2 days ago What an excellent result! Well done, Pastrami. I had the opposite problem. My cat likes to bring in birds, mice, voles, anything small and very much alive. The last mouse was prised from my cat's clutches in the front room. It ran straight under the sofabed which is too heavy to lift.
    via u/Quirky_Potential_834
  • 21
    I think "AHA. I KNOW JUST THE CAT FOR THIS JOB" and go to fetch the previously locked out of the front room cat. Pick him up, plonk him down in the front room. UNLEASH. GET THAT MOUSE YOU APEX PREDATOR YOU. cat was completely useless. Totally and utterly did not give a . He sat there, sniffed the mouse, licked his bum hole and then stared at me. It took three days to get that mouse out from under the sofa bed.
    via u/Quirky_Potential_834
  • 22
    fishebake 2 days ago I grew up with four cats, and one of them was a fat boy. He was the only decent mouser of the lot, it was hilarious.
    via u/fishebake
  • 23
    buffcoloredcat · 2 days ago He is a very good boy!
    via u/buffcoloredcat
  • 24
    • laylaspacee 2 days ago This entire story is hilarious, you're good at writing/explaining things
    via u/laylaspacee
  • 25
    fullmetalmonster7 2 days ago Pastrami deserves a medal and a big fat slice of pastrami.
    via u/fullmetalmonster7
  • 26
    RoseRed 1987 - 2 days ago Good boy!!! I'm cracking up remembering I had to crawl through a window of my house yesterday.. he and I looked about the same to my neighbors KKK
    via u/RoseRed1987
  • 27
    • Khancap123 2 days ago That cats skills are so refined that he needs no practice. He's the fat man every gravy seal dreams they are, a rolly Polly death machine always ready for peak performance.
    via u/Khancap123

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aww hilarious heroes hoomans adorable reptile cute cute cats lol funny cats big kitty chonk chonky Cats funny animals
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