‘You need to start prioritizing your children’: New Father of Two Is Out Partying While His Wife Stays At Home With the Kids, She Gets the Men of Reddit Involved

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Apr 23, 2024 12:00 PM EDT

Welcome ladies of the internet. Our favorite topic: women who require more from their husband in child-rearing. It's not the first time a man has tried to take the back seat with an obligation so obviously necessary to help with. It takes two to tango, and the man is an equal and essential part of the equation of home life. Though it can be easy to fall back on outdated ideals of family dynamics, the fact is that if both the mother and father work, they need to contribute equally to raising the kids. 

For this particular couple, not only did they talk to each other about it, they got the women of Facebook and the men of Reddit involved. Interesting form of couples therapy. I guess whatever works for them works, if they need stranger's opinions to validate each other, go ahead and get stranger's opinions. Enjoy this Reddit thread where there actually is a good ending.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 18 hr. ago Crafty-Comfortable54 AITA? Asking particularly for MEN's opinions, as per the husband's request
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 02
    I had a baby 8 weeks ago. My toddler is only 1.5yo, so 2 under 2. 1 took 3 months unpaid maternity leave (had to save up during the pregnancy to afford it). My husband didn't get any leave and had to keep working. He works from home.
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 03
    During these 8 weeks, my husband has gone out to a couple of dinners, a late meeting (neighborhood committee), a wedding (that I had to tag along to, unwillingly, at only 6 weeks after a c section, to make him happy), late drinks following one of the dinners (he came home at 430am last week), and is scheduled
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 04
    to go on a bachelor trip later on (that was supposed to be a weekend in New Orleans and is now a 4 day international trip to Jamaica). He also told me about having three couples over to our house, which then turned without my previous - knowledge into a FORTY TWO person get together (yes, you read
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 05
    that number right) and he's telling me he can't end that event at 7 so we can put the kids to bed because "he can't ask people to leave". So he has not been deprived socially in any way. Now he's saying he wants to go to a double birthday party in NYC this Friday, which will naturally mean a late night.
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 06
    I'm arguing that, as a father of two very young kids in the trenches of postpartum, he should be sitting out of some of these events to stay home and help me at night. Our nanny is off the clock at 7pm, 5pm on Fridays. So it's at night that I need him the most. He argues that 1. He's home all day instead of
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 07
    going out to the office and having drinks after and 2. He's able to wake up early after a late night to help with the kids. However, 1. It's not my fault his job is from home and I tell him he wouldn't get to be out for drinks every night if he has a baby at home that needs him and 2. While he does wake up at 7am after a late
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 08
    night, he then proceeds to be in a sour mood about how exhausted he is and I end up picking up all the slack for the next couple of nights to help him recover. So it all falls back on me anyway.
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 09
    Of note, while I am on maternity leave now, I'm with the kids all day along with the nanny, so I'm not sitting around doing nothing. I also have a mental illness that requires me to prioritize my sleep, particularly in the postpartum period, which I have been completely putting aside in order to
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 10
    favor my husband getting good sleep because he's working. Also he gets reasonable chunks of "break time" throughout the day, so he is not working nonstop by any means. Am I being unreasonable? Isn't it fair that, as a father, he gives up some of these social events while his baby is
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 11
    a newborn? Should I just suck it up and let him be out and about for as many late nights as he wants? EDITED TO ADD: 1. I am the breadwinner. I make more than triple what my husband makes, so I am not a
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 12
    gold digger 2. Because I work, I hired a nanny. I simply didn't want to fire her just for three months of leave and lose her, so I saved up during pregnancy to be able to keep her. Working people need childcare. Simple as that. 3. My husband isn't a terrible
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 13
    person or I wouldn't have married him. When he's home, he's absolutely a dad to his kids. Specially on weekends when he's off work. It's this ONE issue about the crazy amount of social events during this period that I'm having a problem with
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 14
    4. We did get tons of women's opinions in a FB group, so then my husband asked if we could also get men's 5. I didn't know this would be a problem before kids or even after the first kid, because this all began after my husband went back to school for his
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 15
    masters and met all these friends that he now believes it's crucial he network with. They're not coworkers. 6. We are not relying on Reddit to fix our marriage. We have recently started marriage counseling. We were simply curious what everyone else -
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 16
    unbiased third parties - thought because we both believe we are right. UPDATE: he agrees he's in the wrong and says he feels terrible that he's been so inconsiderate. He says he knew it after the women commented but just wanted to hear what men
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 17
    had to say too. He says he will cool it with the events. And continue to work on this in therapy. He should've seen my point just because I made it, but we're both super opinionated, so I guess he was being either stubborn or simply delusional.
    via u/Crafty-Comfortable54
  • 18
    redsfromrhone • 16h ago NTA I'm (54m) a father of 3 and a full time surgeon. Why didn't your husband take paternity leave? Not even 1 week? If his company doesn't offer paternity leave, then why didn't
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 19
    he use vacation time? Why not use those days he was planning on going to Jamaica to HELP HIS WIFE? You're recovering from a c-section for gods sake. If you have a nanny and you can afford boys trips and big parties, then finances shouldn't be a factor. It's a major red flag
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 20
    that he didn't take any time off for the birth of his child. To answer your question, a partner shouldn't leave their recently post-op/postpartum spouse with young children to go on an optional boys bachelor trip. You shouldn't
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 21
    throw lavish parties with multiple people with a newborn in the house and mom recovering from a c- section. Even 1 of these requests sound selfish and inconsiderate. The totality of what you're describing doesn't paint your husband in a
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 22
    favorable light. If accurate, he needs to grow up. This isn't the 1800's where a husband lets his wife deal with the kids and he goes about living his life as normal. The is especially true if the wife also works and contributes to the household finances.
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 23
    I can hear your resentment and frustration in your post, and I can't blame you. Your husband needs to prioritize his family or be comfortable with a dysfunctional relationship or failed marriage.
    via u/redsfromrhone
  • 24
    WoodenLock1242 • 17h ago NTA, but your husband is. As a bloke, I can safely say that your husband is a selfish git. He's not even acting as a Father, he's just the partner of a Mother. Parenthood is meant to be a joint venture, (including
    via u/WoodenLock1242
  • 25
    the sacrifices), but he somehow managed to miss that memo. Sit him down and tell him straight to buckle the and pull his weight. up
    via u/WoodenLock1242

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