Woman’s Parents Argue With Her New Husband for Keeping Pictures of His Late Wife Around the House, He Insists It's for His Children’s Sake

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
May 2, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Above all else, your children come first. They motivate you to put in a ton of effort, keep going, and get up every morning hoping that it will be better than the last.

The story that follows is an account of a frustrated son-in-law. Along with his late wife, the original poster (OP) is the parent of three children. Even though he and his late wife were not the best of friends before she passed, he still makes an effort to cherish her memory for his children. In order to prevent any potential problems in the future, OP made sure to inform his fiancée that he believed it was crucial to commemorate his late wife before the two of them married. You can therefore imagine OP's amazement when his in-laws carefully reviewed his choice to decorate the house with pictures in remembrance of his late wife.

That being said, make sure to read the story below if you're curious about the details of what transpired! Additionally, don't miss the story of the stepdaughter who refuses to let her stepfather walk her down the aisle on her wedding day!

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  • 01
    I (46m) have two children; Fia (13f) and Cael (10m). Their mom died five years ago in a car crash. We had been married at the time but only legally. For the last three years of her life we were pretending to still be together and we stayed married, but it was all pretending for the kids. We did not want to divorce for our kids' sake. Both of us came from divorced families and what I consider broken homes because of how badly our parents handled the divorces. We didn't want that for the kids. We
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for shutting my ILs down when they brought up issues with photos of my children's mom in our home?
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 03
    I (46m) have two children; Fia (13f) and Cael (10m). Their mom d d five years ago in a car crash. We had been married at the time but only legally. For the last three years of her life we were pretending to still be together and we stayed married, but it was all pretending for the kids. We did not want to divorce for our kids' sake. Both of us came from divorced families and what I consider broken homes because of how badly our parents handled
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 04
    the divorces. We didn't want that for the kids. We feared we couldn't do better. The end result was us hating each other. It ran deep too. I regret that now. The last words we exchanged were not kind. Our kids deserved better than that. Better than having parents who hated each other because we were so afraid to divorce. So after she d d I was determined to let go of all that hate and I was determined to make sure the
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 05
    kids knew they were loved by both parents and were not burdened by the issues we'd had. Their mom and dad both love them. I truly believe their mom's love still exists for them in them. And they deserve to know that love. That was what I focused on. So I saved everything of hers for them. It's all stored safely for them one day. And a couple of years after shed d, I did remove most of the photos of our married life. But I let the kids keep two photos of their choice out in the open in common are
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 06
    their room or stored for them with the rest of her stuff. My kids love and miss their mom so much and it brings them comfort to have her photos out. I make sure they can always talk about her or ask questions. They also have a very close relationship with the three siblings she spoke to. This is my children's home above all and I make sure it always feels that way. When I met my wife (I remarried last year) I told her
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 07
    about the photos and said a partner of mine needed to accept this. She did. We got married. Nobody has taken the photos of my kids and their mom down. But my ILs do have a problem (and maybe they're speaking on behalf of my wife and she's not open I'm still figuring that out). They were staying with us at the weekend and during a dinner they questioned my kids about keeping the photos out when my wife now lives with us. My kids said they like having photos of their mom they can see
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 08
    in the house. My ILs began to say that it was inconsiderate of my wife and they should not be in common areas when I stepped in and shut them down and I told them that this is still my children's home too and part of that is displaying photos of their mom in their home where they can be seen. I told them it did not need to be discussed more.
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 09
    The following day my ILs said I had no reason to be so r e and I had an unhealthy attachment to keeping their mom present in their lives when she's d d. They told me they should be allowed to question things about their daughter's home and I overreacted. AITA?
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 10
    Far-Athlete9560 - 1 day ago NTA. Your current wife knew that they would stay up. It kind of seems like your IL are trying to erase your late wife from existence. Which is not okay. You were completely right to shut it down. If you were nicer about it, they might have just kept pushing. I would make sure that they know, if they are uncomfortable with
    via u/Mysterious-Far-Athlete9560
  • 11
    it, they don't have to come back to your house but the pictures are not coming down. And IF it is coming from your wife through them, she should have decided it wasn't okay with her and she should have moved on, not get upset later down the road and d g her family into it.
    via u/Far-Athlete9560
  • 12
    Mysterious-Cod3255 OP 1 day ago • That's how it appears to me as well. The tone they used suggested that my wife should be enough for my kids to not want or need their mom's photos anymore. My wife and I are going to be discussing all this. If she's not okay it needs to be aired and not kept and told to others for them to intervene on her behalf. And if it's not from her then I would like to think she would also tell them to stop.
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 13
    Far-Athlete9560 - 1 day ago I would hope she helps shut it down too. Good luck. In laws can be crazy. She isn't a replacement. That's not how it works. Your kids can have a great relationship with her, but they may wind up resenting certain people for trying to erase their mom, and/or force unwanted relationships.
    via u/Far-Athlete9560
  • 14
    Diligent-Comfort-191 1 day ago NTA. I find it difficult to believe your wife wasn't asked about the photos before the ILs brought it up at dinner. That means they will have known why they were on display. They would know that it is something that you are quite adamant about. That being the case, bringing the subject up
    via u/Diligent-Comfort-191
  • 15
    with the kids in front of you was a low, divide and conquer, tactic, since they knew they'd get nowhere with you directly. They were bring extremely r de themselves and trading on, and hiding behind, the social norms of don't make a fuss. They were directly
    via u/Diligent-Comfort-191
  • 16
    interfering with how your family works. You refused to play ball and their reness got slapped down. It's more than a bit rich of them to accuse you of being so r de, given what they were doing.
    via u/Diligent-Comfort-191
  • 17
    Mysterious-Cod3255 OP 1 day ago • Yes, and I will be honest; I find it gross questioning children about having photos of a late parent in their home. Even adults do it, though some prefer to put them away, but we don't question them like that. But to try and convince a child that it's wrong to want them displayed or to treat it like they shouldn't want/need them now that I'm remarried, it just feels gross to me.
    via u/Mysterious-Cod3255
  • 18
    MattIdea8482 · 1 day ago • Partassipant [3] NTA I think there is a big chance the IL are voicing your wife dislike because if your wife would be on your side she would have told her own parents they are being r de and need to back off. Me and my wife lived for a few years with my parents and when anything regarding my
    via u/MattIdea8482
  • 19
    parents i was the one telling them to back off and dealt with my parents (because they are my parents) and my wife also deals with her parents when they overstep our boundaries. You definitely need to talk to your wife because if she has a problem with the photos, in time, will create resentment and if you going to have a child she will definitely treat the kids differently if there will be resentment between her and you or kids
    via u/MattIdea8482
  • 20
    • • Two_Eighty_Six 22 hr. ago · edited 12 hr. ago They told me they should be allowed to question things about their daughter's home By all means...but that doesn't change the fact they were asking CHILDREN and not the two people in charge of the household. They were and inconsiderate first, which negates any rudeness on your part.
    via u/Two_Eighty_Six
  • 21
    I'd be interested to know your wife's opinion. How did she react to this interaction? You may not have discussed yet, but I'm guessing you know your wife well enough to read her body language. NTA
    via u/Two_Eighty_Six
  • 22
    whatthewhat3214 · 18 hr. ago I don't think they do get to question things in their daughter's & OP's home - they were guests there, and I've never gone to anyone's home in my life and questioned how they have things set up, even my very closest family members.
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 23
    And you're right that they were even further out of line by trying to tell children - and especially children they're not even related to (who knows how well they even know them to boot) - that they shouldn't have photos of their de sed mother up. That's so beyond crazy and inappropriate, like who do they think they are, that they can tell young kids to erase their mother now that new wife is there?
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 24
    I don't think OP was r de in the slightest by shutting their harmful words down right away, it was the ILs who were extremely r de and took liberties that weren't theirs to take. It was important to shut them down before the ILs could do even more damage to the kids, making them feel badly, and it showed the kids that OP is strongly on their side and isn't going to let
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 25
    the kids be bullied. As someone else pointed out, if OP hadn't been strong in his clapback, they probably would've kept pushing the issue. It's suspicious, whether they were speaking on behalf of the wife or not. Dirty trick if so. She knew the deal going in, so maybe she thought once she got in there she could get him to change his mind, or
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 26
    maybe once in there she's finding she's having a hard time with it and didn't know she would. But if the wife or ILs push the kids to have the photos taken down, it'll only create resentment and damage any relationship they're trying to build with the kids, and the wife's/ILs' relationship with OP himself. The new wife needs to realize that the best chance she has for a great relationship
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 27
    with the kids is to accept that they'll always love and miss their birth mother, and not be threatened by that, and to get that she won't replace their mother but that she and the kids can have their own relationship they define TOGETHER (ie, it's not forced on the kids). Standing up to her parents the next time they say anything about the kids' mom would go a long way to facilitating a great relationship with them.
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 28
    Maybe the wife isn't behind this and she just has a dynamic with her parents where she doesn't stand up to them. If this is the case, she's going to have to learn how to, bc she's a stepmom now, and she'll have learn to stand up to them on those kids' behalf.
    via u/whatthewhat3214
  • 29
    OP, I think you're handling everything really well with those boundary-challenged ILs, and addressing things with your wife. It's great how you encourage your kids to keep their mother's presence in their lives, and I know you'll do a great job continuing to advocate for them.
    via u/whatthewhat3214

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