‘I can’t believe you made me pay for my own wedding ring’: Woman Finds Out Months Later She’s Been Paying For Her Own Wedding Ring, Husband Justifies It Because Of ‘Equality’

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 7, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

We all know that in western society's traditional engagements and weddings, the ring is paid for by the man. It's up to the woman to choose what kind of ring or if she wants diamonds, but it's definitely agreed upon that it should come from the man's salary. Not only is it traditional, but it's a gift, a gesture. The man proposes, and in doing so presents his girlfriend with a ring, symbolizing their love and commitment. 

A man who wants to be cheap and make his wife pay for her own wedding and engagement rings, is not a man. On top of not paying for it, he also is explicitly gaslighting her into thinking she's being sexist, and that she needs to apologize. Where do men get this audacity and ego? No woman is going to be okay with a situation like that, and he's delusional for assuming one would.

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 22 hr. ago Throwrapaidforring AITA for demanding my husband returns my engagement ring to the store because he is making me pay for it through our joint account?
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 02
    My husband (30M) and I (28F) have been married for just under 3 months and have been having a huge argument about my engagement ring.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 03
    We got married 1 month into him proposing to me. It wasn't a fancy wedding and we had our honeymoon right after we signed the papers at the courthouse. He gave me a diamond engagement ring that's close to 8K - a 2 carat lab diamond. He didn't have funds available readily as we are saving for a home so he put this ring on a payment plan.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 04
    I found out after we married and merged our finances that he has been withdrawing funds from our joint account (we make roughly the same) to finance this ring. I was just taken aback and honestly put off by the fact he is making me pay for a GIFT he gave to me.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 05
    We have been having some arguments lately and he feels that ring is a wedding expense and it's only fair that I contribute towards it too, and that as a woman of this day I shouldn't hesitate to be an equal partner. I call and shared my thoughts on this whole thing.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 06
    First, you don't make the recipient of a gift pay for the damned gift. An engagement ring is considered a gift in most modern societies even today and I don't care if you disagree with that it's just what the cultural expectations are and we never discussed if he had any issues with that. MAYBE if he was an adult enough, I would've had a
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 07
    discussion about how it makes him feel and see if his values about tradition align with mine. Second, I've unintentionally partially paid for 2 instalments now which makes me a part- owner of the ring.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 08
    If I knew my husband was going to be making me pay for the ring, I wouldn't have agreed to "buy" it. Mutual consent is essential when a couple is deciding to invest in an asset. Owning a house or a car jointly requires two "yeses" and I wouldn't certainly have said yes to jointly owning a ring he was SUPPOSED to give to me as a gift. So I can
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 09
    to give to me as a gift. So I can retroactively decide now I never wanted to own it and have been demanding that my husband returns the ring to the store if paying for the ring hurts his pocket so much.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 10
    Clarification because I anticipate a lot of people might wonder: I've always wanted a nice ring and I'm not going to apologise about it since we never had a real wedding party and I knew I deserved a quality piece symbolising our love. However my then fiancé also knew about the expectation I had of him and was upfront about things from
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 11
    the get go. He could've discussed things with me like I mentioned earlier in my post and we could've seen if we were truly compatible like that. What I didn't know was that he was plotting to "get even" with me by taking out a payment plan and using our funds to finance it.
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 12
    This caused him to flare up and he berated me for being sexist towards him. I put my foot down not because I can't afford it or I refuse to financially contribute or give my husband a nice gift, but my husband's sheer stubbornness and tackiness about wanting me to pay is what don't mind splurging for him, but this whole situation has left a very me off. I
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 13
    bad taste in my mouth. He expects me to apologise to him because I called his actions tacky and decisions scammy and in bad faith. AITA ?
    via u/Throwrapaidforring
  • 14
    Farrishnakov • 18h ago You got married after being engaged for 1 month... How long have you known this guy? And why are you rushing to set up joint accounts with someone you don't trust?
    via u/Farrishnakov
  • 15
    And, if your accounts are joined, how else is he supposed to pay for things? This sounds insane on all levels. Nobody is making good decisions.
    via u/Farrishnakov
  • 16
    Hot-Interaction6... • 21h ago Nobody pointing out 8k for a 2 carat lab grown diamond is insanely expensive?!
    via u/Hot-Interaction6
  • 17
    18urmuffin ⚫ 20h ago Do you guys have separate bank accounts and just a joint account, or just a joint account? Because if you only have the joint account, you are technically gonna be partially paying for every gift you receive.
    via u/18urmuffin
  • 18
    No_Teacher_3313 • 18h ago Can you even return a ring 4 months later, when you've been using it daily?
    via u/No_Teacher_3313
  • 19
    celticmusebooks • 18h ago It sounds like you and your husband don't even like each other? Why on earth did you get married? Why did he need to, in your own words, "get even" with you? Did you force him to buy a ring he couldn't afford? Something is definitely missing here.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 20
    Also, who pays $8K for a two carat lab diamond ring? I'd be surprised if the store is going to let him return a ring that's been worn for months and if you sell it outright you won't get anywhere near $8K for it.
    via u/celticmusebooks
  • 21
    • ghjkl098 19h ago Firstly, What did he do with the rest of the money? Because I don't think it cost $8k. I would be getting it valued and working out options. Secondly, if you (i mean you as a couple) can't afford it, why on earth is he spending $8k on a ring??? That is an absurd amount of
    via u/ghjkl098
  • 22
    That is an absurd amount of money for a ring
    via u/ghjkl098
  • 23
    Grinch351 20h ago Does he have a separate bank account that's considered "his money" that he can pay the installments from?
    via u/Grinch351

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