'Her circle must think she's a failure to earn less than her husband': Man tells wealthy wife's snooty friends he makes more money than her after being called a gold digger

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 16, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

There's a reason that different classes didn't marry until recently. I don't say this to be anti-romance or to cast the poor as an insidious group that is out to steal the wealth of the good and moral rich. I'm not Emerald Fennell! When two people marry who come from similar socioeconomic backgrounds, the anxiety of someone marrying just for the other's money rarely, if ever, comes into question. When a man and a woman with family money married in the Gilded Age, the idea was that they could only gain from combining each other's enterprises. 

Whether an upwardly mobile, formerly poor person is a gold digger is unimportant. If they're perceived as being lower class, they will be treated as a gold digger by the rich, no matter how much money they actually make. An investment banker who grew up in poverty recently got into an awkward situation with his generationally wealthy wife's friends. They accused him of marrying for money, and when he made it clear that he made more money than his wife, she was less than pleased. 

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  • 01
    r/AmltheAsshole u/Fabulous-Show-7265.8h AITA for telling my wife's friends I make more money than her?
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 02
    I, 25M, am married to my wife, Sasha, 28F. She comes from a pretty wealthy background while I decidedly do not. My dad left before I was born and my mum died when I was 11. I've mostly 'gotten over it', as much as one can, 'get over' something like that. However I'm still sensitive on any so called 'jokes' on that.
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 03
    I graduated summa laude, and went straight into investment banking. I met my wife when I was 23, and fresh into it, but after 3 years I earn pretty well. My wife is a lawyer. Now I love my wife and she loves me (obviously) but her family hatess me. Like from the depths of their souls, hates me. I've been called a gold-digger, a low-life and a few more vague insults on my table-manners.
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 04
    I went to a 'party' with her the other day, one of those fancy shmancy things where everyone drinks cHaMpAgNe and complains about this that and the other, talking about oh we spent sooOOo much ☐. And I got the usual money on renovations, mild comments from wife's family and close friends on where my wife 'picked' me up from.
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 05
    Lacy, I don't think, knew about my family history before. We were talking about dads, don't ask me why and I got a question on what my dad did, I said I didn't know, never met the guy. Lacy made this kind of exaggerated gasp and went 'oohh, well we all know why you're with her [my wife] then don't we?'
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 06
    I acted all confused and she got flustered, and just kept going with 'well... you know'. My wife tried to move the conversation along but by this point I wasn't letting it go, I kept pushing, and pushing until Lacy finally said, 'well you two don't exactly have the same... finances do you' and then responded with, you're right. I make quite some more.
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 07
    Lacy by this point was too embarrassed to keep going, I'd kind of ruined the vibe, but the night continued, this isn't the kind of event you walk away from. We went home, which was when genuinely went down. She told me it was crazy of me to keep pushing on that point and turn one comment into one of them most embarrassing moments of her life and now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband, and I'd ruined everything.
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 08
    But its not like I lied. I'm just tired of being treated like in her circle. My wife is upset though, and I do care about her, so I need to know, AITA?
    via u/Fabulous-Show-7265
  • 09
    SneakyRaid .7h Enthusiast [6] now everyone in her circle must think she's some kind of failure to earn so much less than her husband But she was perfectly fine letting everyone in her life think you were a failure that lives off her. She is also apparently perfectly fine letting them mock or insult you, the man she allegedly loves. Why is her image more important than your dignity and the respect for your marriage? A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of l
    via u/SneakyRaid
  • 10
    hubertburnette • 7h Aficionado [10] Yeah, she seems pretty flawed at the very least. 1.8k
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 11
    _hootyowlscissors • 5h Enthusiast [5] I was just reading along wondering "WHEN is his wife going to intervene on his behalf?" If my bf went to a party at MY parents' house, and was surrounded by MY circle of friends, and someone insulted him...you better believe I would jump in before he could get a word out. I CANNOT IMAGINE just standing there and allowing someone to demean your SO in that manner. Somehow THAT didn't bother the wife, but people knowing she earns less than her husband does? YUC
    via u/_hootyowlscissors
  • 12
    And you KNOW this isn't the first time this has happened. In order for OP's wife to just stand there and silently watch her friends' not-so-subtly insult her husband...I feel like some part of her must hold a latent bias against him. Like he is inherently "less than" due to his blue collar background. On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her. ... 820
    via u/_hootyowlscissors
  • 13
    _eviehalboro_ •5h On some level she too feels like she's better than him, hence her "humiliation" that he's out-earning her. This is an excellent point. I've come across many a man who was embarrassed to make less money than his gf/wife. / honestly haven't come across any women who are embarrassed to make less than their bf/husband. I'm sure they exist, but they're rare. Probably because society still places expectations on the man to be the primary "breadwinner" in the family. The fact that OP'
    via u/_eviehalboro_
  • 14
    sammawammadingdong 4h That, and let's be honest: if her family has as much money as he claims she is probably a nepo baby or at the very least was handed a lot of accomplishments that many people work for (ex: interviews to firms she would never had interviews to without her family's monetary pull or social status, invitations to events of people her family knows for networking, erc) - and she knows with that leg up in life she could be a lot more successful than she actually is...he makes her f
    via u/sammawammadingdong
  • 15
    chocolatedoclet • 7h "A person can earn less than their wealthy partner and still be with them out of love" - even worse was that she was happy being the person who earned less than their partner until it was mentioned in a public forum. She was happy being the presumed wealthy person while he, who actually earns more and loves her, stayed quiet about it. I feel like this is a taste of her own medicine. She lets her friends and family railroad him but isn't keen when the tables could potentially
    via u/chocolatedoclet
  • 16
    curious-by-moon • 6h . She seems very shallow and content with her husband being mocked by her friends. I wonder what she has told them behind OP's back to lead them to think he is a gold digging hanger on. Perhaps that's why she is angry because her friends now know she is a liar. OP, you areNTA but your wife and her friends....TAHS. ← 117
    via u/curious-by-moon
  • 17
    hubertburnette • 7h Aficionado [10] I grew up in a wealthy area, and the wealthiest guy of all used to drive a beater station wagon and wore flannel shirts everywhere. At my parents' parties, men would come up to him and brag about how wealthy they were and then patronizingly ask what he did. He'd say, "I work in a factory." That was technically true, except he worked in a lot of factories. That he owned (he was pretty hands-on.) Other people who knew were laughing at the braggart, who never got
    via u/hubertburnette
  • 18
    Client 020 6h I find it so weird that people would just brag about their wealth like that. I grew up with some pretty wealthy people, and their habits and living spaces speak for themselves. I can't imagine people actually telling others about everything they have in a braggy way. It's so.. vulgar. ... 203
    via u/Client_020
  • 19
    L3onK1ng 6h • It usually occurs with people who think themselves wealthy, but in reality are somewhere in the upper-middle class. There's a reason that the most expensive and luxurious clothing doesn't have logos and are barely recognizable. 152
    via u/L3onK1ng
  • 20
    marv115 .7h Partassipant [1] So, she gets angry when people know she makes less but is happy with them thinking you are a "gold digger"? You have bigger problem here than you think, apparentlly she enjoy that people see you as less and she superior. You need to have a real conversation here about why this is. Reply 99
    via u/marv115
  • 21
    NTA FacetiousTomato • 8h Partassipant [4] People from wealthy backgrounds sometimes don't. understand that at some point someone actually needs to earn money. They make assumptions based on inherited wealth, because the prospect of earning their way through the world is alien. As soon as you mentioned being an investment banker, most people would know instantly that you're probably doing fine financially. But the investment banker who makes a million a year is still poor compared to the person w
    via u/FacetiousTomato
  • 22
    www.ELJDxpp.pozzARS 100 STATES OFAMERICA STATES Dec DOB LDCD wwwww SHYFIOG BRACTIO SEHAWLS ORNE 87787 NCHED STATES JY 00 LL 34795266P 100 83 D CHE CACEED STEER OF 100 1043
    via Alexander Mils

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