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'Set travel expectations [with] your partner': Flight attendant rants about moms getting stuck with doing everything while traveling with the family, calls on dads to do better

"I actually complimented one father who was amazing with his 3 kids and the mom was able to relax with a drink and assist as needed. He was shocked when I told him it was a rare case and lovely to see. He said, 'I'm just being a dad'."

Posted by Elna McHilderson
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  • Can you imagine planning a vacation with your family, a time when you finally get to relax and hit pause on any stress in your life, but then BAM, you actually end up having to be the babysitter while the dad gets to have a real vacation? Unfortunately, that is a reality for some families. The mom plans the vacation, packs the bags, makes sure nothing and no one is left behind, watches the kids on the flight, at dinners, everywhere, and basically does everything. It's so upsetting that even flight attendants are noticing it and getting fed up. One flight attendant took to Reddit to call out those kinds of dads who push all the mental and physical work of family travel on the moms and implores them to do better. Some people even point out that dads always get praised for doing the bare minimum when traveling whereas moms do everything but will still get yelled at by strangers if their kid makes the littlest peep on a flight. How do you plan family traveling with your partner?

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  • 1
    As a Flight Attendant, I am sick and tired of seeing the women doing all the work when traveling with family.

    yunghazel

    Via freerangestock
  • 2
    As a Flight Attendant, it's depressing seeing the moms do all the travel work
    Via yunghazel
  • 3
    As a Flight Attendant, it's depressing seeing the moms do all the travel work
    Via yunghazel
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  • 4
    With the summer travel season here I would like to say that as a Flight Attendant, I am sick and tired of seeing the women doing all the work when she travels with her family. She is the one with the boarding passes, knows the seats, wrangles the children, and sits with them. Meanwhile the husband/dad is sitting in a different row, kid free, having the time of his life watching a movie. The mom is taking care of the kids, has activities, snacks, and does bathroom trips. If a destination has form
    Via yunghazel
  • 5
    response is always "oh you can give it to my wife, she knows everything!" UGH! Oh and don't even get me started on the ones who sit in First Class and leave their family in the back. It's very rare (sadly) to see men on the aircraft who not only sit with their kids, but are attentive to their needs. I HATE how it always falls on the woman. I
    Via yunghazel
  • 6
    actually complimented one father who was amazing with his 3 kids and the mom was able to relax with a drink and assist as needed. He was shocked when I told him it was a rare case and lovely to see. He said "I'm just being a dad". So before the Not All Men crowd come and attack me, yes I know it's not all men, that goes without saying. Ladies, I am begging you. If you are going on a family vacation this summer, set some travel expectations on how you can tackle the plane ride with your partner,
    Via yunghazel
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  • 7
    But if you are doing all the work and you're on my flight, I will slip you some wine (or any bev of your choice), and snacks from the snack cart for you & the kids, on me! EDIT: I would like to add that you are able to bring Milk for your baby through TSA. You can also bring food, like full on meals as well (no drinks). I feel like a lot people don't know this The angry men have found my post, oh no!
    Via yunghazel
  • 8
    whoinvitedthesepeopl · 17h ago I hated trips when I was married and had young kids for this very reason. It was vacation for everyone but me. I spent the entire time minding kids, managing everything, making sure things were figured out, managing a man-baby's emotions and being denied enough sleep to function. The only "choice" in this was to flat refuse to go on trips anymore. That is what I did. I found that was the only way to have any control, to refuse to participate at all, otherwise even
    Via whoinvitedthesepeopl
  • 9
    xobling 17h ago • I work airport security, and I have to say I 100% agree with you. 99% of the time, it's the mother who handles. everything or most of it. If ever something needs to be searched in a bag, it's the mom who deals with that too, usually because she's the one who also packed the bags so she knows what is where. I always find it so sad. I definitely make a point to try to get the dad involved in helping her as much as possible. 942 Reply ...
    Via xobling
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  • 10
    LadyMacSantis 11h ago. • I still remember a scene I witnessed on a flight to Switzerland: the mother was alone with a newborn, a ~3 year old and a ~5 year old. The father was on the other side of the aisle, reading and watching tv shows in his ipad. The kids cried and screamed for the whole time and when this poor woman finally asked some help from her husband, this piece of just replied "Why can't you ever do anything on your own? Sometimes I won't be there to save your " and then proceeded to
    Via LadyMacSantis
  • 11
    • HippyGrrrl 16h ago I was astonished and pleased watching a dad step up big time on a red eye. He told mom to put on her headphones, and he'd deal with the kids. He was coloring with them, shushing them when they got too excited (with a cool "planes are indoors, too"). 464 Reply
    Via HippyGrrl
  • 12
    kalisisrising • 17h ago My ex and I used to travel one week/month on a late flight west out of JFK and then would drive for 3 hours to get to our destination, usually by 1 AM or so. This man would get on the plane and immediately fall asleep! Like, before take off. He would sleep the entire flight while I wrangled the baby, who had colic and basically would scream his head off if he wasn't sleeping or nursing. AND THEN, he would expect I would stay awake with him on the drive...then he'd sleep i
    Via kalisisrising
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  • 13
    newwriter365 18h ago • I once sent my (now Ex) husband to visit his parents with our two kids. He forgot to take a pacifier for the youngest. He was a mess by the time he landed. He refused to ever do it again. I would like to say that he became a better partner as a result but I'd be lying. You are absolutely correct. Women are the glue that holds it all together. 510 Reply
    Via newwriter365
  • 14
    TreeLakeRockCloud 18h ago I had a mini meltdown a few years ago. because my husband checked us in and sat both kids with me and himself in the aisle seat across. So while he would be close the bulk of the plane parenting would fall on me. He said that's because we "always did it this way." I said enough was enough. We each took a kid after that, until they were bigger and didn't need much in the way of in flight parenting. 393 Reply ...
    Via TreeLakeRockCloud
  • 15
    • Own-Emergency2166 16h ago Dads like this are a burden on their partners (and a huge factor in my decision to be marriage-free and childfree) but they also shortchange their kids big time. I had a dad like this growing up and he made me feel like I wasn't worth taking care of and that I couldn't depend on him to meet my needs. Those feelings stay with you for a long time and they were so avoidable, he was capable he just didn't care enough. And now the next generation is going through the same
    Via Own-Emergency2166
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  • 16
    barefootcuntessa_ · 17h ago I sat across from a family of four on a flight once where the husband sat in the isle seat behind his wife and two children. The mom was solely caring for the kids on the flight and the dad was audibly annoyed with them several times. I was infuriated. Whenever the mom asked for help or snacks or whatever he had an absolute trash attitude. He was working in his computer the whole time with headphones on. I'm fairly certain I was flying to NYC and it gave Finance guy,
    Via barefootcuntessa_
  • 17
    PeaceGirl321 17h ago • We flew for Christmas with our then 4 month old. I had the tickets and seat info. But my husband basically did everything for baby. He held him all flight, fed him, and baby wore him. He does more than his fair share at home, but in public, he likes to do even more. He is hoping breaking the stigma (hope thats the right word) will encourage other dads to do more as well. He also enjoys making businesses look stupid when the men's. room doesn't have a changing table. 176 Re
    Via PeaceGirl321
  • 18
    emaydee 16h ago • Heard. My husband and I have a deal, one parent sits with and handles the kids for one way of the flight and the other does it on the way back. Which sounds nice and all but... When it was my turn with the kids, I had multiple screen free activities, read to them, provided snacks, eye masks, pillows, blankets, etc all ready to go. Kids behaved perfectly. Nobody complimented me (not that I expect it, but...)
    Via emaydee
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  • 19
    Husband's turn: hands them an iPad, he proceeds to nap. No less than 3 passengers and 2 flight attendants made it a point to tell him what a good dad he is and how great he is for "letting mom have a break". I'm thankful he does something, but man the difference in expectations is wild. 111 Reply
    Via emaydee
  • 20
    why_adnauseaum • 14h ago Saw this on a flight just last week. Parents, 3 kids around 6-12. Mom has her backpack, pushing 2 roller cases, and holding hands with the youngest. The 2 older boys are each handling their own roller cases. Dad's got his own case AND full headphones on. Mom's trying to talk to him and he basically motions to her that he can't hear her because of his headphones. What an a I felt bad for her. I was lucky my husband was fully involved when we travel with the kids. ↑ 60⇓ Re
    Via why_adnauseaum
  • 21
    • Kbyyeee 14h ago When they say "pass it to my wife, she knows everything!" I would start looking at them super puzzled and be like "you don't? How embarrassing." and then walk away to hand it to the wife. Nothing sends a message to a man like humiliating him. Of course....probably better not to, for safety and all. Sigh. 60 Reply
    Via Kbyyeee

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new dad parents traveling traveling dad flight attendant traveling with kids travling family parenting dad new mom family traveling traveling mom mom family vacation flying with kids flying

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