‘Your mother can't live with us’: Wife Refuses to Let MIL With No Retirement Plan Move In With Her Family, Husband Is Forced to Choose a Side

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
May 30, 2024 5:00 PM EDT

We all have (or had) parents, that is simply a fact. We all also have extremely different relationships with our parents, those of which affect other relationships we have in our lives, whether romantic or otherwise. Even for people who have a good and strong relationship with their parents, it can create quite a tense situation when another loved one joins the equation. 

The husband in this Reddit story has a strong relationship with his mother, which unfortunately badly affects his relationship with his wife, similarly to how it affected his relationship with his ex-wife. The problem they both have with his mom you ask? She had no retirement plan and fully plans on moving in with her son when she can no longer work. We can all understand why both the ex-wife and the current wife might not be in love with the idea.

Keep scrolling to read the full story, and the husband's reaction to Redditors' responses. After you are done, click here for a story of a couple who had a falling out during a romantic holiday.

Add as a preferred
source on Google
Advertisement
  • 01
    My mom (60) has no retirement plan or money and is banking on me and wife to take care of her- wife is 100% against this plan
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 02
    I'll begin this story with gassing up my mom. She is a wonderful kind and caring woman. She single handily took care of my brother and I before my dad reentered the picture when I was 9-10. She is a small business owner and has her
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 03
    demons with spending/not saving for retirement/mental health issues. That being said she is extremely extra. She can be very needy, manipulative, emotional and doesn't deal even remotely well with confrontation or disagreements.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 04
    My first marriage had a constant riff regarding my mom gently. acknowledging she needed to live with us when she could no longer work. While I tried to have my moms back, it became increasingly difficult as I felt she was trying to
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 05
    manipulate me to convince my ex that she should live with us in the future. When I left my first wife i felt my mom was very supportive of me and I wondered if it was partially related to the above.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 06
    Fast forward to now and I am currently in my second marriage and I live in AZ while mom lives up in WA. My current lady is a fantastic person who I recently had our first kid with in April. My mom has been
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 07
    overbearing to her and pushing boundaries ever since she found out she was pregnant. She was definitely excited about having her first grandbaby but I'm talking daily texts, phone calls. If my wife didn't respond promptly she would
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 08
    sometimes follow up with "sorry to bug you" or other borderline manipulative messages. It has become painfully obvious to my current wife that she is planning on me as her retirement plan and she is not okay with that. While not said, I can strongly assume she would not let my mom live with us.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 09
    I personally would rather not be in this situation but am in the tough position of choosing what to do. I agree with my wife but also feel for my mom. I am curious if anyone has been in a similar situation or beat you would do if you were in this situation.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 10
    TL;DR - 60 year old mom has no retirement savings or plan and plans to live with my wife, kid and I. Wife (and to an extent myself) not okay with that.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 11
    stuckinnowhereville 2 days ago So you plan to be divorced x2 paying child support and living with your mom... cause that's where you are heading. Marriage #1 didn't work because of your and your mother's actions...and you are repeating the same behavior.
    via u/stuckinnowhereville
  • 12
    Good luck! Only you can change this- mom needs to get a job or a husband or both. She cannot expect you to take care of her AND YOU NEED TO STATE THIS TO HER FACE AND STICK WITH IT. But you won't. So the above will happen.
    via u/stuckinnowhereville
  • 13
    Pale_Presence_8684 OP · 2 days ago I'm here for this kind of response. Thank you for keeping it real
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 14
    ADDhope 2 days ago Why are you trapping these poor women without telling them before that this is a non- negotiable for you? Maybe one time, but the second time you knew better! You did this
    via u/ADDhope
  • 15
    knowingly to your wife and you even had a child with her. Your child and wife need to be your first priority now, you can't just suddenly bait and switch like this!
    via u/ADDhope
  • 16
    grumpy g 2 days ago 10 Years You are ruining your marriage if you give your mother so much power. I would leave my husband over this.
    via u/grumpy__g
  • 17
    yeswayvouvray · 2 days ago You assume your wife would not want your overbearing, manipulative mom to live with you? Did you not think to talk about that before you got married?
    via u/yeswayvouvray
  • 18
    You need to start setting boundaries with your mom, like yesterday. (I mean really you should have started many years ago but here we are.)
    via u/yeswayvouvray
  • 19
    angelaslashes. 2 days ago . edited 2 days ago The good sides of your mother do not make up for her being totally fiscally irresponsible and putting this very unfair burden on you, not to mention her failure to grow into an emotionally healthy adult.
    via u/angelaslashes
  • 20
    You have two difficult choices: keep your family and let your mom know you love her but she cannot rely on you to be her retirement. She needs to get a job and figure herself out. OR take the
    via u/angelaslashes
  • 21
    cowardly way out by trying to appease both (which appeases no one) and eventually lose your wife. Your wife has every right to say no to this, and I would too if I were her.
    via u/angelaslashes
  • 22
    RGBetrix 2 days ago Couldn't be me putting my mom on the street. As you've said she's done more for you than anyone. I'm not saying she gotta live with you but it doesn't sound like you're doing anything proactive.
    via u/RGBetrix
  • 23
    Passively, you're relying on your current wife to be the bad person. Optimally she would be able to help with the kids, no?
    via u/RGBetrix
  • 24
    Reveal_Visual ⚫ 2 days ago There has to be a happy medium somewhere, where you help her out but she's not going to live with you, and she has to respect your wife's boundaries.
    via u/Reveal_Visual
  • 25
    I'm thankful my parents just want to be around to help and try not to impose. It makes is want to take care of them as opposed to the obligation. Beat of luck, OP.
    via u/Reveal_Visual
  • 26
    • Pale_Presence_8684 OP 2 days ago REDDIT FAM: thank you to everyone who has responded to this post. I was truly oblivious to how immature I was in the handling of this situation. My wife and child deserve better and I honestly can say this interaction with you all changes EVERYTHING.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 27
    I needed some tough love and also reminded how much of an idiot I am being. I got that in buckets. I also found some new avenues to help my mother figure this out without relying on me.
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684
  • 28
    This post is exactly what Reddit is for me. Strangers giving me their honest opinion and giving me the opportunity to reevaluate myself and move forward a better person. God bless you all! I'm not losing this wonderful woman who I call my wife over this - BELIEVE THAT
    via u/Pale_Presence_8684

Tags

relationship advice daughter in law marriage drama mother wife reddit story married life relationships petty husband advice mother in law family daughter Reddit
Scroll Down For The Next Article