'That was her decision to let someone else raise her child': Absent mother lashes out after 18-year-old daughter only thanks grandmother in graduation speech

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    ANCHAALHИй HIBE TET XAPHOBИX TEXHOOT
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    AITA? My stepdaughter's daughter mentioned me in her graduation speech and not my stepdaughter
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    I'm sorry, this title is absolutely horrid. I'll try to make this make sense. I'm 62F. My stepdaughter ("K") has been in my life since she was 8. I met my late husband when I was 34 and he was 37, K is his daughter from his previous marriage. We got married when K was 11. She was close to her mother so she never considered me a mother, but we had a good
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    relationship. Unfortunately my husband and I weren't able to have children. Just after K finished high school she got pregnant, she'd only been dating her boyfriend for a few weeks and he didn't want to stay with her. K really wanted to keep the baby though, but she was
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    planning to go out of state for college, so we had a long talk about it. Her mother didn't want to be involved as she was very disapproving of the whole thing. She was (justifiably I suppose) angry at K for making stupid. choices that could alter her future and K sort of pulled away from her after that. So I quit my
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    job to raise her baby ("H"). K decided to switch to a college closer to home so she could visit H every weekend. She called almost everyday to see her. She was trying very hard to balance staying connected to her child and also setting up a decent future, but obviously H was much closer to me. I was with her every
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    day until she was four and she only saw her mom once a week and on video call. I tried telling her that K was her mom and I was grandma, and she didn't call me mom, but she was closer to me.
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    After college K did a postgrad degree for 3 more years. Then she moved back to our city. She tried really hard to build a close relationship with H but by that time she was 7 and even though they did become close, she would always sort of come to me first
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    for things. K was sad about this but we didn't really talk about it. Eventually K got married and H lives with them, but she visits me multiple times a week and we text every day. K's dad also passed which was really hard for both of us. So H just graduated from high school and she was
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    selected to give a speech because she was a standout student. :) She called me and asked if it was okay if she mentions me. I said that's really sweet of her and of course. K and her husband and I went to it together. In the speech H talked about how her best childhood
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    memories are the stories I told her, and it was really sweet. She only mentioned K in the bit at the end where you thank everyone who helped you get here and whatnot. K didn't say anything during the party but afterward she told me she felt like I always "encouraged" H to stay closer to
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    me than her, like I was "competing" with her. She said that I wanted to be a parent so badly that I took it from her. I just want some unbiased opinions.
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    • Hopstorm ⚫ 6 hr. ago NTA Your stepdaugher just can't understand that you can't have your cake and eat it. That was her decision to let someone else raise her child, while she was studying. You did enormous effort to help her, by quiting your job
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    and taking care of her kid, while I might understand that you might have done it simply, because you couldn't have your own kids, it doesn't change anything. You sacrificed
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    portion of your life for both of them and both of them should be gratefull to you and while your grandchild understands it, your stepdaughter doesn't. You didn't take anything from her, she did it by herself.
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    Virtual-Equivalent27. 6 hr. ago NTA. K wasn't imvolved in her daughter's early years. You took care of her and it seems you did a great job since she has so mamy fond memories of her childhood.
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    I understand why K feels hurt, but unlimately it was her choice to keep a baby and let her be raised by you while she was in college. Every action has consequences.
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    hummingelephant ⚫ 5 hr. ago K wasn't imvolved in her daughter's early years. Yes, those are the years that turn every memory in something magical. If you weren't involved in your child's early years, you missed the magical years that would have formed a special connection to you.
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    DigitalPsych 6 hr. ago NTA. Your stepdaughter is hurting and lashing out at you. I don't think this speech was in any way an affront to K. You hold a very special place in H's heart, and the speech just recorded that.
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    K was the one that left for college and then post grad out of town. She made choices that put some distance between her and H early in life, but frankly, aside the close relationship you have, it seems more an insecurity of K than any relationship issues between them.
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    Worldly_Science239 5 hr. ago what was the alternative that "K" wanted? because it seems like every solution to make "K" feel better would come at the expense of "H" that you loved "H" a bit less during her childhood years?
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    that you weren't there for "H" during the early years? that you dropped "H" as soon as they moved back? that when your husband, and "K"'s father passed, that "H" lost both her Grandmother and her Grandfather?
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    To me it sounds like you did everything right for your granddaughter, and your stepdaughter to complain about it seems very much about appeasing her own guilt.

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