‘If you don’t want to help out I’m getting a divorce’: Married Couple Argues About Dishes and Laundry For Weeks, Wife Starts Buying Plastic Silverware to Avoid Chores

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Jun 9, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome internet aficionados. We know you love the juicy, gossipy, upfront and personal stories about the collision of opinions, tastes, preferences, and personalities in families. When there's drama between a wife and husband, it puts their marriage in a very difficult position. Imagine having to choose to stay with someone or divorce after all these years together. 

The essence of the problem is more in line with relationship fundamentals and the basic agreements that go into living with someone. Even if you have roommates, both people have to take accountability for cleanliness and chores. It's kind of just part of being an adult. Typically, no one likes cleaning, but hey, we all have to do it. If you're already married for two years and you still haven't figured out your chore system, then the road of your marriage doesn't look like it's going in a good direction. If two people want to act like children and obstinately refuse to do chores, then divorce is probably the best call. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 18 hr. ago TopLavishness2285 AITA for accidentally raising my voice at my wife and throwing away her dishes and clothes because she won't wash them just buy new ones?
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 02
    I 28M have been married to my wife F30 for 2 years now, together for 5. We were going to start trying for a baby but that got put on hold and might not happen anymore. My wife and I both work and we make about the same amount and work about the same amount of hours.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 03
    My wife and I originally had a chore system set up where we just rock paper scissor-ed the calendar for our days off. We got a pretty fair cut I want to say but she did get more dishes days. I got more if not all the laundry. My wife HATES washing dishes. She hates it with such a passion that she sometimes just shuts down and cries when she sees
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 04
    them in the sink. Before when I caught her crying I immediately went to help her, switch chores for the day, calm her down and then it was fine.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 05
    But because I was doing this, I noticed that she was crying on on purpose so I washed the dishes. I knew she was faking it because the second I took over her tears stopped and she'd go do something fun that she liked without a care in the world laughing and smiling. No wind down like before. Because of this,
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 06
    we changed our dishes to "whoever makes the dish washes it" like children with the exception of cooking. Whoever cooked. doesn't have to wash the pots and pans because they put all the work in for dinner (this was also her suggestion which I was more than okay with). This was working out for a little while until I noticed that my wife made a lot more
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 07
    dishes than me and just didn't want to wash them. I asked her when she planned on washing dishes after I made dinner at her request and she blew up on me telling me to quite literally " off". I did as she said but left the dishes. The next day she asked me why the dishes weren't done and I told her because she didn't
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 08
    do them. This started a fight and I washed them but I was unhappy. I do most if not all of the laundry because she just won't anymore and I refuse to wear dirty clothes. The only thing she has to do with the laundry is put it in the basket. That's it. We have a basket for darks, colors and whites. She insists on her own basket for
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 09
    underwear and whatnot so that's its own thing and I hand wash it. She's been not putting her clothes in the basket. At first I picked up all of her clothes and washed them because it was no big deal, but when I watched her take her clothes off and just leave them on the floor because "I always pick it up" I chose to leave her clothes there. She asked me
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 10
    why her clothes weren't done, I said because she didn't put them away and she blew up on me. Same story. Recently this all came to a head with all the fighting. My wife has been getting lazier and lazier to push back because of our fights and at first I was doing all of her chores on top of working but I
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 11
    had a little moment of "why am I even doing this?" and just stopped. The dishes piled, her clothes were dirty, crumbs were everywhere on her days. On my days everything was and span. She decided that she's going to just start buying more dishes and clothes to combat not doing her part. I cannot tell you
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 12
    how frustrated this made me. She was buying plastic spoons and forks, paper plates, Walmart t- shirts and whatever other cheap alternative to the nice ones she has at home. I just decided to start tossing them.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 13
    When she noticed that I was tossing her cheap alternatives she blew up at me again and for the first time since we've been together I raised my voice. My voice is deep and I'm a big man so this scared her which I regretted. I immediately lowered my tone and told her that she just isn't doing her part and that she's
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 14
    wasting money buying useless things when all she has to do is just clean up after herself and put clothes in a basket. She cried and despite how many times I apologized, she told me that she doesn't feel safe with me and that maybe we're better off divorcing. This shattered me.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 15
    She's been cold with me, sleeping on the couch and playing "domestic violence signs" videos out loud. It's such a low blow. The videos usually talk about yelling, throwing away items, control, emotional abuse, and signs that they're going to get physical. I don't think I'm wrong for what I did but this is really wearing me
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 16
    down and I've been getting some texts here and there from our families calling me an an abuser for throwing away her things and yelling at her and that she needs to divorce me. The yelling was an accident. No one has wanted to hear what fully happened and it's making me feel alone and a bit crazy. My friends
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 17
    are either staying out of it or are on her side if they're women. I've been losing friends. I feel like the now.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 18
    AITA? All I wanted was for her to clean up after herself. I'd never hurt her and I've never yelled at her before which I do regret. I didn't mean to scare her I was just beyond frustrated because this has been building for months. I get that it was probably immature to throw away the disposables and that I should've
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 19
    just cleaned up after her but I was just frustrated. Tldr; Wife started buying disposable dishes and cheap Walmart clothes after she stopped doing chores and I didn't pick up after her. She found out, we fought, she's been cold and playing DV sign videos out loud. I
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 20
    feel like the now but a tiny, tiny part of me still feels like I'm not.
    via u/TopLavishness2285
  • 21
    Difficult Process_... • 17h ago Dear God man! Why are you still with her? It's not "maybe" you'd be better off to divorce, you WOULD BE better off divorcing her! She's done nothing but gaslight you on everything you mentioned and now she's bringing up abuse
    via u/Difficult Process_
  • 22
    because you raised your voice at her for being a lazy slug. AND, she's playing the videos loudly so she can use them to make you feel guilty and gas light you yet again. And, what is she telling other people? Considering how manipulative she is, I don't think marriage
    via u/Difficult Process_
  • 23
    counseling/therapy would be worth it.
    via u/Difficult Process_
  • 24
    Caspian4136 • 18h ago NTA I'm sorry but I think it's the other way around, you're the one in an abusive marriage, not her. She's the one who manipulates you and causes all the fights. She's decided that it's okay
    via u/Caspian4136
  • 25
    for you to do all the work around the house and is going out of her way to just not do a single thing. It's okay to admit when a relationship is no longer good for you. She's now in the phase of destroying your credibility so she can
    via u/Caspian4136
  • 26
    isolate you from family and friends. Start planning an escape now, including getting your finances in order.
    via u/Caspian4136

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