Widower dad gifts 18-year-old daughter a letter her mom wrote to her for her graduation, gets angry that he didn't gift it sooner: 'I feel terrible that I withheld something that would’ve brought her comfort'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jun 17, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

It's natural to want to honor the wishes of the dead. There's a reason why Wills are such critical legal documents…you don't want there to be any ifs, ands, or buts about what to do with your loved ones' assets after they pass. But what about when somebody passes unexpectedly?  What about when they leave something that they don't intend to be touched for many years? Do the needs of the living outweigh the desires of the deceased?

Those questions come into play in this story. A widower father of 2 teenage girls gifted his older daughter a letter from her late mother. Her mother wrote letters to her and her sister when they were born that she intended for them to open after their high school graduations. When the eldest daughter read her letter, she was incredibly emotional and angry that her dad didn't give it to her sooner. 

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  • 01
    N The will not present. circums to get to the wedding 99 6
    via Debby Hudson
  • 02
    AITA for following through with my late wife's wishes?
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 03
    I (49M) was married to my wife for 20 years. I lost her in a car accident 8 years ago. We had two beautiful daughters together, Maeve (18 now, 10 when her mother passed) and Alex (16 now, 8 when her mother passed).
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 04
    I am very close with my daughters but they were both definitely mama's girls. My wife was a magnetic woman. She was beautiful, intelligent, kind, and people were drawn to her.
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 05
    An important thing to know about my wife is that she had a passion for writing. She was unfortunately in a profession where she didn't write much so, she did a lot on her own time. One of her favorite things to write was letters. She wanted people to know that she cared about them.
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 06
    After she had each of my daughters, she wrote them a letter. She wrote each within days after their births and wanted to give them away on their graduation days. She put them in the fire box in our basement to avoid losing or forgetting about them. She wrote the letters with the intention of giving them to our daughters herself 18 years later as a sort of time capsule type of thing. Both letters contained mostly words of wisdom and information about what was going on when they were born.
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 07
    Maeve graduated from high school today and I went to her room with the letter tonight. I let her cry on my shoulder as she read it and at first she seemed happy to have her something directly from her mother. However after she read it she turned to me looking surprisingly angry. She asked why I had waited so long to give it to her. She had so many rough moments and heartbreak in the last 8 years where all she wanted was her mother's wisdom and I withheld the letter.
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 08
    I told her that I was just doing what her mother had said she wanted and Maeve shot back that her mother also hadn't planned on being in the accident. Alex heard the shouting and came into the room and Maeve told her about the letter.
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 09
    Now they're both upset and don't want to talk to me. I feel so awful about this whole situation. I was raised by my single mother after my own dad took off so on one hand, I've always wanted to be the best father I can and I feel terrible that I withheld something that would've brought them comfort. On the other hand, my wife had very specific instructions about her intentions with the letters and I just wanted to follow through with that. So now I'm very conflicted and I just want to know, AITA
    via u/LetterThrowaway23
  • 10
    divinanity 18 hr. ago edited 15 hr. ago NTA. NAH. Your wife wrote those letters with a specific intent and likely in a specific voice appropriate for the young woman your elder daughter is now, not the young children they both were eight years ago. There's nothing wrong with honoring her wishes in this matter.
    via u/divinanity
  • 11
    It's understandable that your daughters are upset because this dredged up a lot of heavy emotions unexpectedly, but there's absolutely no reason to assume that they would have understood or appreciated these letters when they were younger. Instead of comfort, any number of other emotions could have arisen, as is evident now. There's simply no way you could have known how they would react.
    via u/divinanity
  • 12
    You sound like a kind, thoughtful person trying to do his best through terrible circumstances, so cut yourself some slack. Give them a bit of time and space for now, hopefully they'll come around once they've had time to sit with all this for a bit longer.
    via u/divinanity
  • 13
    EffectNo4122. 17 hr. ago This!!! You said it perfectly! I would add that we cannot know how someone will feel or react to something as fragile as this. The kids may have been too emotionally immature to deal with the contents of the letter and been upset he didn't honour their mom's wishes. He is a great father and his girls are very lucky to have him!
    via u/EffectNo4122
  • 14
    PlasticLab3306 · 16 hr. ago This and this! NTA. Also there's a chance this letter has brought up so much grief and they're misdirecting it/misinterpreting their own feelings. The anger they feel at their mother's passing is being reflected elsewhere. Don't worry, they'll grow up and see that you did the right thing.
    via u/PlasticLab3306
  • 15
    Sparkling Water27. 15 hr. ago As someone who lost her mother at barely 11, I had a lot of misdirected anger that showed up as grief years later. Your comment is very wise. Thank you.
    via u/Sparkling_Water27
  • 16
    ohcerealkiller 7 hr. ago My mom died of cancer when I was 6, and she left me an angel statue and a letter inside it. For some mysterious reason my dad (and new stepmom, parents were divorced) gave me that statue around that age, so I was between 6-10. (i don't know exactly as I don't have a lot of memories from that time)
    via u/ohcerealkiller
  • 17
    I, naturally as a silly child, broke the statue. And because I didn't fully understand it's value, I lost the letter. So, now I have nothing. If my dad had waited till I was 18 or older, I would at least have the last thing she left for me. Now all I have is regret.
    via u/ohcerealkiller
  • 18
    MythixFps 18 hr. ago NTA, at the end of the day those letters are for their graduations, no other time, if their mother was still alive they wouldn't have gotten it until you gave it to her, I do understand their side though, I don't know what your daughters have gone through throughout the years and I'm sure the letter would have really helped, but at the end of the day those letters were a gift for their graduations and I believe you did the right thing, I personally would've listed to your wi
    via u/MythixFps
  • 19
    slackerchic 18 hr. ago NAH. This is a fragile, emotional situation! I have been writing in journals to my daughter since she was born, and plan on giving them to her when she turns 18. I'm sure if I passed, my husband would have also withheld them, thinking he was doing right by me the way he always has. You were just trying to honor your wife. I hope they can eventually forgive you because it's not as if you did it to intentionally hurt them.
    via u/slackerchic

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