Widow Tells Sister That Losing a Dog is Incomparable to Losing a Husband, Dog-Loving Sister Freaks Out

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
May 26, 2023 3:00 PM EDT

As a longtime dog haver, I understand how sad it can be to lose a pet unexpectedly. They can leave a significant gap in your family, and not having their happy faces around to cheer people up can negatively affect the mood of the home. However, I would not be so naive to say that losing a dog is equivalent to losing a human family member. Losing a spouse or a child is unimaginably devastating. That loss will inevitably change the entire family's lives in the long term and majorly disrupt their lives in the short term. You would have to be highly foolish to act like losing a dog and losing a husband are comparable losses. One widower came to Reddit to rant about her sister, who is making this exact comparison. After expressing her frustrations regarding her sister constantly comparing their losses, her sister stopped talking to her. 

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  • 01
    Font - 1 r/AmltheAsshole u/smybsker 9h AITA for telling my sister grieving her dog is not the same as me grieving my husband?
    via u/smybsker
  • 02
    Font - To make a long story short, I lost my husband only a month ago. It's hard, I'm still grieving and I miss him everyday. I have to take medication for depression and anxiety to help me get through the day.
    via u/smybsker
  • 03
    Smile - Last week, my sisters dog was put down due to some health issues and she was very upset, which is understandable. She called me as soon as it happened and said I was the only sibling who would understand her pain.
    via u/smybsker
  • 04
    Plant - I didn't mind, honestly I just wanted to comfort her since her dog meant the world to her. She held a wake for him and our whole family attended. It was a nice service.
    via u/smybsker
  • 05
    Font - But now, she's comparing our losses. Telling me she knows exactly what I'm going through. That she can relate to the pain of losing someone so close to you. She calls me asking if we should visit graves together. It was fine the first time but it's constant. She goes 3 times a day. It's already difficult to go once a week for me and she knows this. I feel like she's not even considering my own grief process.
    via u/smybsker
  • 06
    Font - Anyway, I told her that grieving her dog is not the same as grieving my husband. She's upset and refusing to talk to me now. I get it, it was uncalled for really. But my loss is new to me too and I guess I just got frustrated with how different we're dealing with our losses. Idk I feel like she should understand where I'm coming from too.
    via u/smybsker
  • 07
    Font - A dog is not the same as a husband. A dog can't love you back like a husband can. A dog can't read to your children like a husband can. A dog can't make soup when you're ill like a husband can.
    via u/smybsker
  • 08
    Font - It's really hard for me right now to discern when I'm being condescending or not. Idk if it's a side effect of my medication, or if the empathetic part of my brain has shut down. But I really am getting tired of her comparing our pain when she lost her dog and I lost my world. At the very least, she still has her husband.
    via u/smybsker
  • 09
    Handwriting - I have two young children at home, processing a loss unimaginable to most kids their age. And she's trying to whisk me away to graveyards to visit her dog. Aita?
    via u/smybsker
  • 10
    Font - lanDOsmond - 9h Asshole Aficionado [12] NTA. I am not going to be too mean to your sister, but she is being an asshole here. Not just because dogs live shorter lives than humans so it is more expected, not just that, no matter how much we love animals, humans > other animals, but also because you can't necessarily compare grief in the first place. Some people are comforted by sharing similar experiences; some people find it pushy, and if you start doing that and the other person doesn't l
    via u/lanDOsmond
  • 11
    Font - -PaperbackWriter- . 7h This - my stepmum died two years ago and my stepsister had a hard time understanding that not everyone grieved like she did, she was driving 3 hour round trip weekly to visit the grave, sleeping with a picture of her mum etc, none of which is wrong but she was trying to push her sister and me into joining her and losing it when we didn't. I didn't grow up with her so of course my relationship to her is different but she couldn't understand it 41.6k
    via u/-PaperbackWriter-
  • 12
    Font - NoOfficialComment • 6h I had to stop visiting subs for Widow/ers and grief etc fairly quickly after my loss as I realised that some people will literally never "recover" or allow their lives to look normal again and I just couldn't relate to that mentality. I'm not disparaging their grief at all, but to me, redditors being years out from their loss and still saying they can't wake up in the mornings without crying, letting jobs suffer because they can't function etc doesn't jive with me
    via u/NoOfficialComment
  • 13
    Font - Asleep_Dimension_1209h Partassipant [1] NTA she lost a dog whilst she cared for her pet it was just that a pet. Lossing a dog doesn't leave you worrying about paying the mortgage, how to care for your children etc. Yes she has grief but people need to stop comparing animals with humans. Reply 2.7k
    via u/Asleep_Dimension_120
  • 14
    Font - Sad_Appearance4733. 8h This. I love my dog and would be upset if he passed. But if I lost my husband / the father of my children it would be life altering - both emotionally and practically - in ways I don't even want to fathom. You lose your partner, your children lose a parent, there are financial concerns and logistical needs, and you have to rearrange your entire life to "pick up the slack." You're trying to handle your own grief and needs while trying to comfort your young children w
    via u/Sad_Appearance4733
  • 15
    Font - I_am_legend-ary - 9h Partassipant [1] ΝΤΑ Your sister is entitled to her grief, however she should absolutely not be comparing it to the loss of your husband. I would be pissed if I was in your situation Reply 1.8k
    via u/I_am_legend-ary
  • 16
    Font - lunchbox3. 7h I honestly would love to ask the sister if she had the choice would she trade the loss of her dog for the loss of her husband. Because if she says "of course not" then clearly she is being actively selfish and insensitive to OP, if she says "I couldn't choose" or "yes" her husband should probably leave and/or she's not emotionally stable enough to have a dog. I know this wouldn't actually be helpful or work, but how does she not get that these things can't be compared!? ...
    via u/lunchbox3
  • 17
    Font - Helpfulricekrispie. 9h NTA. You said it perfectly A dog is not the same as a husband. A dog can't love you back like a husband can. A dog can't read to your children like a husband can. A dog can't make soup when you're ill like a husband can.
    via u/Helpfulricekrispie
  • 18
    Font - Not only that, but there is a lot more safety and stability in two adult family. You lost your safety net, other provider, any help around the house. You lost your children's father. I love dogs, I have dogs, but a fucking dog is not the same as your life partner.
    via u/Helpfulricekrispie
  • 19
    Font - You know who else lost their dog? You know who else went through exactly what your sister went through? Your sister's husband. So maybe she should go to him to get emotional support, remember that you can no longer do that and find some perspective.
    via u/Helpfulricekrispie
  • 20
    Font - I am so sorry for your loss. Focus on yourself and your children now. If going to the grave will help you, do it, but if it won't, don't. Your sister can look for support elsewhere (her husband!), you don't have to feel guilty for not being able to help her too. Just getting you and children through one day at a time is enough for now. Reply 1.3k 1.3k
    via u/Helpfulricekrispie
  • 21
    Font - smybsker OP. 9h I didn't even think of the fact she had her husband to turn to. Wow, I feel stupid now. I should've just told her then that I couldn't cope with more than my own loss now, and she had someone else to turn to. Would've saved our relationship from this weird competition bullshit. 41.3k
    via u/smybsker

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family drama dogs deaths dog mom sisters Death husbands reddit story husband widow loss grief family sister subreddit reddit thread Reddit grieving
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