Pushy mother pressures pregnant daughter-in-law to give her baby her maiden name despite nobody in the family using it: 'I raised you he didn't'

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    Posted by u/Lil Red 9967 17 hours ago AITA for not putting my MIL's Maiden name in my child's name.
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    My fiancé (24m) and I (24f) are expecting our first child in December of this year. We don't know the gender yet so we were picking names for both a boy and a girl. We've fallen in love with names already. My fiancé has his father's last name, and that name is on his birth certificate. While
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    his mother has a completely different last name. She has been hellbent on getting us to make the last name of our child her maiden name which neither of us have. So in my head it just doesn't make sense. She has been very manipulative in the
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    past with various things to the point where we have given in to just get her to leave us alone about things. This time around she proceeded to guilt trip us on why we won't give the child her last name. She proceeded to throw the "I raised you he didn't”
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    card and even said she was going to go to the court to change my fiancés last name which I found hilarious seeing he's a grown adult. Now mind you MIL has 4 sons, two of which have her maiden name as her last name and all four children are straight
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    and have potential to bare children of their own in the future. Im trying to convince my fiancé not to give in to even hyphenating her last name and keeping it just his current last name to help set early boundaries on raising this child.
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    But MIL has it so deep in his mind that he has to please her and that she's entitled to make these decisions because she raised him. Not to mention she had demanded to be at my
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    gender ultrasound instead of waiting for the reveal we have planned at our baby shower. So I'm just curious if ITA because I want our child to have his or her father's last name and not their grandmothers.
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    • Trick_Delivery4609 16 hr. ago NTA Here are some prompts for you to say: 1. Only choices are your last name or mine. If you don't make the choice, I will choose. It will never be MILS last name.
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    2. Your mom is stressing me out. She is banned from ALL doctors appts and from the delivery room. You will be blocked too if you don't make it clear to her.
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    3. If you don't start to set better boundaries with your mom, I think we need to reevaluate our relationship and what it looks like going forward. Therapy may be helpful. But you can't change someone - they have to want to change.
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    northern225 . 16 hr. ago NTA. Why would you give your child a different last name than you have? His mother had the choice with your partner and she gave him his fathers last name. It's not your job to fix that decision which she regrets. And by the way, I wouldn't
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    give in for no other reason than if you bend on this, you'll be setting a precedent and will never be able to make any decisions for your own child going forward without a war. Setting a boundary now will be a lot less painful but you and your partner need to get on the same page.
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    Lil Red 9967 OP 16 hr. ago I agree 100 percent because one of my biggest worries is her trying to gain control of how we raise our child. This is our first kid and I'm honestly nervous that I don't know what I'm doing at all.
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    SoMuch MoreEagle 17 hr. ago NTA You need to put your foot down and set some firm boundaries that you and your fiance agree to together. Then he has to enforce them because she's his mother, not yours. Otherwise, this is only the beginning of your MIL meddling in your lives.
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    Ultimately, this is a relationship problem between you and your fiance that you have to work through (perhaps through premarital counseling), not between you and your MIL.
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    UPDATE: My fiancé and I have talked and we have agreed to give the baby his last name as I will be marrying him and taking the last name anyway. Boundaries will be HEAVILY set with MIL and appointments will be kept private between the two of us. I thank all of you who have validated my feelings and who have given advice as this all has helped make us realize and make him realize that this is a creepy power control thing on her end. We only want the best for baby and we need to lay the law now or

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