‘He made his bed’: Man cuts off father and stepmother after they refuse to watch their grandchildren during serious family health emergency

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 10, 2024 1:00 PM EDT

If you're having a family emergency, wouldn't you expect your family to be there?

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  • When serious emergencies happen, we're all hopeful that our family will be around to help us figure out the difficult stuff: finances, childcare, and household duties. When you are not necessarily fond of a relatively new addition to your family, figuring out how to tread lightly can be a bit rough. Strong familial support systems can prevail through dissonance though, right? Or can it become too much to bear?

    The man in this story is not fond of his stepmother, who he claims is an obnoxious and high-strung individual. After the man's sister suffers from a serious stroke, the family attempts to recruit the stepmother to watch the children and take care of the household. That's what you do for family! The man expresses that he is a traveling nurse who cannot remain in the same location as his sister's family, and other siblings and extended family cannot do so either. So, it was assumed that this was the least the stepmother could do. After the chaos of her refusal, the man iced her and his father out for marrying her.

  • 01
    Aita for telling my estranged dad he made his bed and should lay in it (picking his wife over his kids)
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 02
    I don't like my dads wife Helen at all. She's the the type to not do anything for you but expect the world from you to her. I've never liked her and I hate my dad for begin a push and never standing up for her.
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 03
    The main issue was back when my brother "john" and my sil Anna had a big emergency, Anna had a stroke and was rushed to the hospital(she survived thank god) but they needed someone to watch their kids (3 under 10) I wasn't able too since
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 04
    I'm a traveling nurse and then I was stationed at a hospital pretty far the person who was available was Helen and she refused saying we knew he feelings about kids. and she wouldn't watch kids his included.
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 05
    Thankfully John was able to find a friend to watch them but since then no one (me and my siblings) really liked Helen and my dad since he stood up for he behavior. My siblings and I have gatherings of our own celebrate holidays without them and most have blocked our dad and her.
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 06
    My dads birthday is coming up and he emailed all of us trying to get some forgiveness. When I got my email I just responded telling him he picked her over his kids and he should be okay with only having her on his life. I just ended it by saying he made his bed and should be fine with it since I won't allow people like that I my kids life
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 07
    I mean the man knew his son was in a dire situation and knew his of a wife could care less about helping he stood by her side and lost his kids there's no one to blame but him
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 08
    I blocked him after I sent my email. I'm just doubting myself after my friend said I might regret icing him out this hard. Aita?
    via Fit_Champion_3329
  • 09
    blackcatsneakatt... . 11h ago Like, I actively don't like children. But you sure as best believe that when my best friend had a family emergency and needed someone to watch her kid while she dealt with it, I was not only there, but doing the best job possible AND pretending I loved it. Because she's my people, and she needed my help.
    via blackcatsneakattack
  • 10
    TheGoldenSpud • 11h ago NTA, why should you spend time with a Father who wouldnt try to help his son. when his partner had a stroke. He clearly is a bit spineless and you guys don't want contact with Helen and any contact is going to be tainted with her influence.
    via TheGoldenSpud
  • 11
    MD7001 • 12h ago . NTA. Your words ring true. Unless he clearly demonstrated contrition and made a sincere amends, he doesn't deserve forgiveness. You did the right thing
    via MD7001
  • 12
    Careless_Web4097 4h ago NTA-Not to throw gas on the fire- but why didn't grandpa volunteer to watch the kids at their house? The man had children of his own -did he forget how to feed and clean them? In my opinion, not only did he not ask his wife to help out but he also didn't help out-and now he's asking for forgiveness and acceptance for basically snubbing his family and abandoning
    via Careless_Web4097
  • 13
    grandkids who needed him. That could've been a wonderful bonding experience for him and the kids, but he decided to dump responsibility to his wife, who would not stand up-that also could have been a experience for her to show the family that she was one of you and she was reliable. If you haven't already just go no contact don't even bother responding. They don't get it either way and why waste your breath.
    via Careless_Web4097
  • 14
    Motorobo131 . 4h ago Granted step mum was a AH but where was the grandfather??? Looking after kids is not just women's work FFS. Regardless OP is NTA, the dad clearly doesn't deserve the name, and I don't blame them all for cutting him off.
    via Motorobo131
  • 15
    Dont-Blame-Me333 11h ago • NTA your father is too gutless to say his wife is wrong & backs up her inflexible attitude. If your father (he doesn't qualify to be called a dad) thinks he deserves to be honoured on his birthday, tell him that job now solely belongs to Helen since he abandoned both his children & grandchildren for her. Cutting toxic people from your life benefits you & your siblings & your kids 1000%, for 0% regrets.
    via Dont-Blame-Me333
  • 16
    No_Objective1803 • 11h ago . You're NTA. Your dad chose his wife over his own children during a serious family crisis, and you have every right to set boundaries and distance yourself from that. It's tough, but sometimes it's necessary for your own peace of mind.
    via No_Objective1803
  • 17
    Cosmicshimmer • 3h ago I hate babysitting. Hate it. But if you are having a medical emergency, I will absolutely look after your kid, or your pets, parents, whatever you need. At minimum she could have done it until someone else was able to collect them.
    via Cosmicshimmer
  • 18
    Your dad though? He's married to her. I'm not sure what else to say there. Did you expect him to force her too? Did you expect him to divorce her over it? My parents never once looked after my kids, they told me before I had any that they wouldn't. So I never ever asked them. That said, you are right, he made his bed.
    via Cosmicshimmer
  • 19
    ChildofMike 8h ago . So when this happened his priority was himself and his wife and now that he has a birthday coming up his priority is still himself. No. apologies and no validation. I'd have nothing to do with him. This relationship is not reciprocal.
    via ChildofMike
  • 20
    landphier • • 3h ago Edited 3h ago You're mad at the wrong person in this example. Helen has made it clear she wants nothing to do with her partner's children, grandchildren, etc. Your dad accepted that of her. Even as a child free person by intent I'd never let that fly from my partner but that's Helen's choice which should be respected. Helen should not be expected to be nor wanted to be a fill in mom and your dad went with it. I have the feeling there are other situations unrelated to childre
    via landphier
  • 21
    While I really don't agree that grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other family members are free use as sitters, emergencies like this are likely the exception. I understand why you couldn't get there right away but no reasons were given for your dad or other siblings (since you made it plural in the post). I'm assuming your mother has passed because there's no mention of her here. Again, while I wouldn't put myself in your dad's position with someone like Helen, he's the one that accepted it. I'd
    via landphier
  • 22
    approach Helen for something nor try to have any type of relationship with but I would her. I wouldn't be a also know she's only there for your dad. Since Helen is only there for your dad I'd say not having celebrations with her is correct to do whether the stroke happened or not. I'll say you're NTA for being at your dad for getting married to someone like Helen, but being I at Helen from what's here isn't right to me. If your siblings had an equal opportunity to get to and watch the children a
    via landphier
  • 23
    jonjon234567 · 7h ago Whether you forgive him or not is up to you, but that's something that would be hard to get over for most people and objectively a thing for her to do and even worse thing for him to defend.
    via jonjon234567
  • 24
    Bababababababaa123 11h ago . - NTA sad situation. Maybe tell your dad to get back to you when he learns some respect for you, your siblings, and your families.
    via Bababababababaa123

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family drama drama siblings reddit story health entitled family step family reddit thread dark Reddit step mom children Father
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