30 Hilarious Motherhood Tweets That Capture the Trials and Tribulations of Raising Tykes and Tots

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    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 A service that takes your kids to Sunday morning birthday parties for you
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    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 I schooled my kid that if she's gonna lie she needs to hide the thing she claims not to have taken first...parenting is weird
  • 03
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 Who says moms don't have social lives, I mutter as I add another kid's birthday party to the calendar
  • 04
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 You know you have kids when you're surprised to find only one rock in the laundry
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    Ommys Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 My kid accidentally waved down the ice cream truck, she honestly just wanted to say hello, now she's eating ice cream, I don't understand what just happened
  • 06
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 When I was a kid, my mom would say "I'm tired, go to bed", I never understood what her being tired had to do with my going to bed, until I became a parent
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    Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Currently being yelled at by my sour patch 5yo daughter for "not playing Barbies right" bc I decided to make mine a 9-year-old girl from Brooklyn who sounds like she has smoker's lung and lives above a pizzeria.
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    Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Anyone else's kids taking the summer school course "How To Waterboard Someone Via Snack Requests Every 5 Minutes"?
  • 09
    Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Get the mom in your life what she really wants for the holidays - a trip to one of those rooms where you're allowed to go in and just break followed by a hotel staycation by herself.
  • 10
    Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses Bet I can tell you how to ruin your child's life in just six words: You need to wear a jacket.
  • 11
    Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses 60% of parenting is going around the house, closing various cupboards and doors like the Dollar Store version of Vanna White.
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    SARCASTIC SM MOMMY Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 You can have kids or you can have a complete set of silverware. But you can't have both.
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    SARCASTIC SM MOMMY Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 I always thought I'd be a patient mom. And then I had to listen to my son tell a story.
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    SARCASTE MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 I don't care how many degrees you have, nothing prepares you for a child who can't find their other shoe.
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    SARCASTE MOMMY sm Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 My kids wanted to know what it's like to be a Mom so I woke them up at 2am to let them know my sock came off.
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    SARCASTIC SM MOMMY Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 I asked my husband what he wanted for Father's Day & he said silence & then we all laughed & laughed & the kids went back to breaking the sound barrier.
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    SARCASTIC MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 My husband texted to let me know he unloaded the dishwasher. Like, ok guy. If I texted every task I did, it'd be a novel. Settle down. 00
  • 18
    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer As a kid, my mom told me adults are afraid of different things than children. I just didn't realize the thing I would be most afraid of was my 2yo waking up early from a nap.
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    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer The lady at the end of my yoga video: Close your eyes and pay attention to the sounds you hear around you. The sounds I hear: My 2yo screaming at the top of his lungs bc I won't let him play with batteries.
  • 20
    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer I'm on my third toddler and I still haven't learned that helping them will only incite their toddler rage.
  • 21
    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer Everyone in my family is sick but me, which means I'm going to spend the next five days tending to everyone until I succumb to illness and won't get the same care in return.
  • 22
    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer Toddlers are the opposite of vampires bc unless you say otherwise, they just assume they're invited and will follow you everywhere.
  • 23
    Raw Motherhood @MetteAngerhofer 00 I just learned that my 8yo son brings a stick to walk the two blocks to his friend's house "in case there are bad guys." So clearly I can stop worrying about his safety bc he's got it covered.
  • 24
    Raw Motherhood @Mette Angerhofer The best part of having playdates at my house is that my children are occupied. The worst part is that other people's children are in my house.
  • 25
    Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues My youngest decided he doesn't like rap music because "it's a song and they're supposed to be singing not talking with their friend" and my Xennial-rap-loving heart is breaking. 20:47 30/06/2024 2.2K Views
  • 26
    Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues I want a refund, the parenting books did not warn me that when a kid turns 10 they are automatically gifted with a pre-teen attitude adjustment. 1:34 21/06/2024 From Earth 767 Views
  • 27
    Momsense Ensues @momsense ensues My 9 year old's class went on a trip to the historical society today and he was explaining some “super old historic phone” that had twirly whirls... A rotary phone, he was describing a rotary phone.
  • 28
    Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues It's a sad day, we're done with that delightful phase where you can spell out words to hide things from your children.
  • 29
    Momsense Ensues @momsense_ensues The beauty of parenting is that kids have the ability to make us feel the deepest love, the deepest rage, and the deepest insanity all within twenty minutes of waking up.
  • 30
    Mommy Owl @Mommy_Owl You ever just meet a little kid with a big personality and think "mmmm those those teen years are gonna be brutal on those poor parents"

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