'If we ordered a hamburger she would cause drama': Fed-up woman ditches vegan friend after group dinners get awkward

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 21, 2024 4:00 PM EDT

Everyone is allowed to have their dietary preferences. For example, if you have an allergy or a religious obligation, you have no choice but to have some limitations. And odds are you've probably gotten pretty good at handling them. You know what to say to servers and to dinner party hosts, and your friends know how to accommodate you. Of course, there are also elective dietary restrictions. And those are equally allowed. One of the nice things about being an adult is that you get to eat whatever you want. If I wake up one day deciding that I'll only consume orange foods, it might be a horrible idea, but it's my horrible idea. 

Problems arise, though, when you start inconveniencing others with your own choices. That's when the stereotype of the annoying vegan comes into play. That's exactly the situation one woman found herself in when her friend group dinners started to feel more like battlegrounds. Read on for the story.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10376387840
    via Kelsey Chance
  • 02
    AITA for telling my vegan friend who doesn't drink I'm tired of catering to her choices?
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 03
    My (50f) friend Lauren (46f) is a vegan who doesn't drink. That's awesome and I have no issue with that. The problem is that she is part of a small group of friends who don't get out very often but when we do it always has to be limited due to Lauren's choices.
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 04
    We live in an area where our food choices to begin with so having to go to eat where she can be satisfied is very limited. There really isn't much to do otherwise at night. In addition she gets upset when any one of us eat something that has an obvious meat to it. For example,
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 05
    she doesn't say anything if we get a soup with chicken or something but if we ordered a hamburger she would cause drama. Then she doesn't drink, which is no big deal, but she will then send us videos on the harmful effects of alcohol if we get a drink or two with dinner. It has gotten on my
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 06
    nerves to say the least. It's been awhile now so I am done with everyone catering to her needs. I have tried inviting everyone to specific places and invite Lauren as well. Then she puts into a group chat "Hey ladies, since I can't eat at X why don't we go to Y?" Then of course the other ones decide we should go to Y instead.
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 07
    I have backed off of going out because I don't want to spend money on food that (remember it's vegan not vegetarian so it's very limiting) and is expensive or have my intelligence questioned by sending about the effects of alcohol as if we are not beyond old enough to know or Google it. I barely drink anyway but enjoy a glass or two every so often.
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 08
    She asked why I keep bailing so I told her "I respect your choices but by the very nature of them they have limited mine. Being that I don't have the ability to go out often nor unlimited funds I am only going to go when I know the entire experience will be what I want. So if I am in the mood for a steak and a vodka tonic I want to have them in a relaxed
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 09
    atmosphere and that obviously bugs you. If I'm in the mood for a salad and water I will gladly join you or we can just hang out at the beach when we have time during the day."
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 10
    She didn't like that too much. She said that isn't what friendship is about and I should enjoy the company enough not to care. I told her that I understood and I would gladly hang out with her when food or drink isn't in question because it's too
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 11
    expensive not to enjoy it. She said that there is nothing else to do around here. Then I asked if it's just about friends then maybe she can eat first and join us out sometimes and other times we can go to where she wants. She then told me that she's not going to sit around watching people eat
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 12
    meat. I said "Ok. I get it and you need to get that I'm not catering to your needs each time I'm free to hang out." I later got a text from a mutual friend that Lauren was upset but she agreed with me because she was tired of the same Of course this friend doesn't like conflict so just listened to Lauren.
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 13
    So AITA for not wanting to continue to eat food I don't like or refrain from having a drink or two to keep the peace here or am I right in feeling like she's being selfish expecting the rest of us to do what she's comfortable with each time?
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 14
    GingerPrince72 18 hr. ago "if we ordered a hamburger she would cause drama. She's obnoxious and self-centred, you've behaved extremely kindly to her, more than I would.
    via u/GingerPrince72
  • 15
    Mirabai503 16 hr. ago Agreed She said that isn't what friendship is about and I should enjoy the company enough not to care. Why doesn't that apply to her? OP should be a good enough friend to not care about having an
    via u/Mirabai503
  • 16
    unsatisfying meal, but Lauren gets to care about what other people are eating. Apparently, Lauren expects that OP be a good friend to her, but she doesn't think she's obligated to be a good friend to OP.
    via u/Mirabai503
  • 17
    CrystalQueen3000 · 18 hr. ago she said that isn't what friendship is about and I should enjoy the company enough to not care Well she's a giant hypocrite ΝΤΑ I've gone to all kinds of restaurants that I can't eat at to hang out with friends.
    via u/CrystalQueen3000
  • 18
    • Maximal_gain · 16 hr. ago NTA Next time you feel like going out. Post to the friend group with restaurant name, date, and time. If she wants it moved to a vegan place, let everyone know you won't be there because you are going to the original place. End the convo there. Go to dinner,
    via u/Maximal_gain
  • 19
    they either show up or not, either way you get a dinner you like and a drink if you feel like it. Forcing your friends to live by her own choices isn't fair of her to do that to all of you. If no one shows, leave the group and find new friends... you gave them a choice.
    via u/Maximal_gain
  • 20
    LowRazzmatazz666 18 hr. ago NTA but drop the friends that "dOnT Like CoNfLiCt". Why surround yourself with spineless morons?
    via u/LowRazzmatazz666
  • 21
    Sugarlessmama OP. 18 hr. ago True. It was all getting on my nerves and why I was happy not going anymore. However, I sometimes wonder if I am an when others just easily bend to other people. I appreciate that.
    via u/Sugarlessmama
  • 22
    • shammy_dammy 17 hr. ago Time to start having wine and bbq gatherings.
    via u/shammy_dammy

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friendship diet vegans drama dispute friends vegan memes friend drama restaurant diets dinner argument restaurants vegan family dinner reddit thread Reddit friend group dietary
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