Entitled mom demands her 18-year-old daughter live with her 19-year-old cousin in the condo her brother owns in their college town: 'She was hoping for an immediate yes'

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Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Jul 26, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

Finding a college apartment can be tough. If you live in a little college town, there are probably more students who need housing than there are suitable houses and apartments. Finding the place is only half the battle: it's sometimes much more tricky to find and maintain good roommate relationships. If you live with a stranger, you might feel uncomfortable in your house because you don't know and can't fully trust them. If you live with your besties, the roommate relationship might ruin your friendship. There's so much potential for disaster, and if you're lucky enough to live by yourself on a property your family owns as a college student, it's a blessing you shouldn't take for granted. That's the housing situation of one 19-year-old college student who attends school in the northeast. When the homeowner (the dad of the 19-year-old) got a call from his sister about letting her daughter live at the condo, too, all heck broke loose.

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    Cheezburger Image 10379459584
    via Phil Hearing
  • 02
    AITA For "Not Letting" My Niece Stay With My Daughter?
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 03
    I (50M) have a daughter (19f) who goes to school in the northeast. She lives in a condo me and my wife (her mom) own rent free during most of the school year, while my son (17M) will be starting college this year in state.
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 04
    My sisters kid (18F) accepted an offer a while ago to go to school in the same state and area as my daughter. They live in the South, so it's a bit of a change. My sister asked me a couple days ago, if I'd be ok with the possibility of her daughter moving in with my daughter at the condo. I don't live there, so I said I'd get back to her. Then she staretd with the "whys" and wanting to know more.
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 05
    I told her I just wanted to ask the person who actually lives there how she'd feel about it, and she started pulling the "Well you own it" statements which made me believe that she was hoping for an immediate yes.
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 06
    I expressed that, and that turned into a dispute/back and forth over the issue. We didn't go on for too long, and we seemed to leave things a bit rocky, so I'm posting here, to see if I'm what this sub calls "the "
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 07
    phyrsis 15 hr. ago ΝΤΑ Your daughter should absolutely have some say about who she's going to be living with!
    via u/phyrsis
  • 08
    Does she have a roommate already that she gets along with fine and wants to continue with? Or maybe the unit is a studio where she'd have to share 100% of the living space? There are a lot of reasons why it would be inappropriate to suddenly dump a new person on her without asking first.
    via u/phyrsis
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    Next_Address_6374 OP 15 hr. ago I don't believe she has a roommate, or one in mind, but the condo is 2 bd 2 ba 1100 sq ft. So good enough I guess.
    via u/Next_Address_6374
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    Slartibartfastthe2nd 14 hr. ago NTA There are a lot of land mines here. It's a great situation if it can work. Your sibling or in-law who is taking offense and getting pissy over you wanting to think it through and talk it over with your daughter is unreasonable. This is also an indication of how this arrangement might go. If I were in your shoes and pressed for an immediate answer to something as significant as this, my snap answer would be 'no'.
    via u/Slartibartfastthe2nd
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    Raise-The-Gates · 14 hr. ago The fact that they're getting pissy over a perfectly reasonable discussion would mean it's an instant "No" from me. Can you imagine trying to establish any kind of household rules with someone like that?
    via u/Raise-The-Gates
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    Textlover 11 hr. ago The niece might also arrive with the expectation (fostered by her mother) that her cousin will take her under her wing and integrate her into her friend circle. If the two if them aren't close (and living seemingly far apart points to that), that could be really awkward.
    via u/Textlover
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    Dogbite_NotDimple . 2 hr. ago I roomed with a cousin right out of college. It was a disaster. My daughter is rooming with a cousin now, and it's going well. It's a total shoot.
    via u/Next_Address_6374
  • 14
    Confidentiality is a thing too. If it's a friend, parents are not going to hear about normal college shenanigans. If it's a cousin, at that age (especially with the age difference), there might be some tattling and more parental nosiness than another kind of roommate situation.
    via u/Textlover
  • 15
    Significant_Taro_690 · 12 hr. ago Yes, thats also why I was thinking No way. The only reason to pressure OP into saying immediately yes is that she knows it will be a no when daughter has a say. And the chances are high that she will pressure OP every time like that when something is not done the way she wants it.
    via u/Significant_Taro_690
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    Rich_Attempt_346 14 hr. ago It's yours so you can say yes, say you'll think about it or say no. I have a property that I rent out several states away from where I'm living. If my son goes to the university near that property of course he's staying there rent free. If someone wants to stay with him it depends on him. But honestly if I am renting it out I won't be renting out to relatives of friends. It's a long story of reasons. In short I don't want any disputes regarding the upkeep/maintenance
    via u/Rich_Attempt_346
  • 17
    Laines_Ecossaises . 15 hr. ago Pooperintendant [69] NTA Seems like your sister is counting on that free rent for their child, with no consideration for your daughter or your relationship with your daughter. To force your daughterto have her cousin as a roommate with no discussion would have been incredibly inconsiderate. You did the right thing.
    via u/Laines_Ecossaises
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    DangerousLettuce1423 14 hr. ago Agree. The daughter may enjoy the peace and quiet of living by herself after everything that goes on at school each day. I certainly wouldn't want someone dumped on me without any consideration about how it might affect me or my studies.
    via u/DangerousLettuce1423
  • 19
    cleomercury 15 hr. ago NTA my sister started pulling the 'Well you own it' statements This is a red flag to me.
    via u/cleomercury

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sister mom housing entitlement house college students daughters entitled daughter houses cousins college condo college student entitled people cousin
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