Son Demands Mom Travel Cross State to Help Wife Prepare for Baby, But Won't Let Her Stay at His Home

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jul 29, 2024 10:00 PM EDT

Your family should come first at all times. Having said that, are there boundaries that even your nearest and dearest should not cross?

The story below is an account of a frustrated mother. For the first time ever, the original poster (OP) is about to become a grandmother. Her son got married to Sierra, and the two of them are expecting their first child together. All the same, Sierra asked OP to make the trip to her home state in order to help her in getting ready for the baby's arrival. OP initially agreed without hesitation, but she soon had second thoughts after finding out she wouldn't be able to stay at the house and would have to get a hotel.

Nevertheless, make sure to read the story below if you're interested in learning what happens next and how the couple responded to learning that OP would not be traveling to help them with the newborn. Additionally, after you're done, don't forget to read the tale of the man who invites his brother to his wedding instead of his sister when you're done!

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  • 01
    She is suppose to give birth in about a month and I was talking about logistics of the whole thing. I asked were I would sleep and she informed me that I will need to get a hotel. This shocked me since they own a nice home. I thought it over and decided I do not want to do this. I was already going to be doing them a huge favor by being a live in maid. I was going to use all my PTO for this and now I will have to also live in a hotel. This isn't even a culture I am a part of.
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to a help visit for my DIL and son since they won't allow me to stay in their home
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 03
    My son married Sierra ( fake names) and they live two states over. Sierra is from a culture where it is customary after she gives birth she will not do any household chores. The family members (mostly women) will go over and do all those chores. So cooking, cleaning, shopping etc. She explained this to me and it happens for a few weeks after the birth. She is not close to her family and it was asked of me to come up for a few weeks and do this. My son will be back on call a week and a half after
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 04
    She is suppose to give birth in about a month and I was talking about logistics of the whole thing. I asked were I would sleep and she informed me that I will need to get a hotel. This shocked me since they own a nice home. I thought it over and decided I do not want to do this. I was already going to be doing them a huge favor by being a live in maid. I was going to use all my PTO for this and now I will have to also live in a hotel. This isn't even a culture I am a part of.
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 05
    I informed her that I will not be able to come up for the time she wanted if I have to stay in a hotel. I am willing to come up for a weekend at most if I can not stay in their home. I got a call from my son and he is ped. He told me that Sierra has been crying since and that I am being ad k. That I am disrespecting her culture and
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 06
    rejecting her from the family. That he knows I could afford this ( I could but I don't want to pay thousand of dollars to be a maid) We got into an argument. I explained my points about but he wasn't having it. AITA?
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 07
    Only-Ingenuity7889 13 hr. ago At the absolute very least, THEY can foot the hotel bill. You may wind up being thankful to be able to leave the drama daily, instead of staying at the house. If you choose to go, make crystal clear you are not on 24 hour, drop-everything call.
    via u/Only-Ingenuity7889
  • 08
    Additionally, w is keeping your son from stepping up to do chores? It's not his culture that it has to be done by women. ΝΤΑ
    via u/Only-Ingenuity7889
  • 09
    IamIrene 13 hr. ago · edited 9 hr. ago INFO: Not knowing what culture you're talking about but, it would seem reasonable that if that much time and effort is expected you would be staying with them 24/7. Is that the case with the culture you're talking about?
    via u/IamIrene
  • 10
    Edited for judgment: "La cuarentena: a 40-day postpartum ritual practiced in many Latin American cultures, aimed at supporting new mothers in their recovery and bonding with their babies. During this period, women are traditionally cared for by their communities, receiving assistance with household chores, cooking, and childcare. This cultural tradition is rooted in Christian
    via u/IamIrene
  • 11
    customs of isolating and caring for new parents, which were once common throughout Europe and the Americas." Ya, staying in a hotel would make that extremely difficult. If you lived nearby it would work well but...you don't. You are NTA, they are expecting too much.
    via u/IamIrene
  • 12
    Even Budget2078 13 hr. ago NTA So, I am familiar with variations of this tradition in a number of cultures, actually. My (passing, this is not my culture) exposure to it has been about pampering the new mom and ensuring she has lots of rest and bonding time and it's a very communal based thing, where families
    via u/Even_Budget2078
  • 13
    live nearby (possibly together) and there's also aspects of knowledge sharing from elder women to the new mom. I have never heard of a hotel stay being a part of this "tradition" lol. This sounds like cherry picking of a tradition that undermines what it is valuable about it to reduce it to you being a maid and spending a lot of money for the opportunity (/s). Are all the women of her family staying in hotels or just you?
    via u/Even_Budget2078
  • 14
    • Peony-Pony 13 hr. ago · edited 13 hr. ago NTA Your son and daughter in law want you to travel, use all your PTO and pay for and stay in a hotel because culturally the your daughter in law needs to be waited on hand and foot after giving birth? Oh, heck, no. I was lucky. My mother and mother in law worked out a schedule to
    via u/Peony-Pony
  • 15
    drop of meals or some groceries and pop by so I could take a shower after I gave birth. And I was beyond grateful. Your son's and daughter in law's request is over the top. You son needs to look into the parental leave policies at his employer and take off additional time if his wife needs assistance.
    via u/Peony-Pony
  • 16
    Hortense Daigle . 13 hr. ago INFO: did they give a reason why you couldn't stay at their house?
    via u/HortenseDaigle
  • 17
    Inevitable_Nature985 OP. 13 hr. ago Said there wasn't room but I know they have a basement bedroom. They converted the upstairs bedroom into the nursery
    via u/Inevitable_Nature985
  • 18
    Demented-Alpaca 13 hr. ago . ΝΤΑ Her culture is one thing but asking you to spend your limited vacation time, your limited funds and to do that JUST to be a maid? Yeah, that's asking a lot and expecting too much.
    via u/Demented-Alpaca
  • 19
    Assuming, of course, they have the room for you. you say it's a "nice house" but that doesn't mean they have a guest room you could stay in... I'm gonna guess they do. And it's not like you'd be a huge burden on them since you're literally there to do all the house work anyway.
    via u/Demented-Alpaca
  • 20
    CuriousLope · 13 hr. ago Her culture require a community willingly to help, se dont have that because she dont speak with her family, so op willingly to help is a privilege to dil and she is not cherising this privilege.
    via u/CuriousLope
  • 21
    Firm-Molasses-4913 13 hr. ago NTA I have heard of cultures wherein the new mom rests for some weeks while the women of the family support her by doing all the chores, cooking etc However this necessitates having a community of like minded women around you. When their turn comes the community comes together to support the next family
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913
  • 22
    member. It's minimizing the importance of this practice to refer to yourself simply as the maid. This is not what your dil is asking of you. She's asking you to be her entire “village” with no apparent opportunity for the reciprocity that makes this worthwhile for you. And not only that sil and dil expect
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913
  • 23
    you to use all your pto and pay for a hotel. This is a big ask and I'm not surprised you feel disrespected and taken for granted. A compromise would be staying with them for a couple of weeks and giving her the tlc she longs for and has probably heard about in family lore all her life. You can do 'chores' to whatever standard you like. It's not disrespecting her culture to
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913
  • 24
    balk at a practice that you have no experience of and feel diminished by. You could also say she's disrespecting your position / culture by making you pay for a hotel and treating you like a maid. IF you work it out to go try to put this ugliness behind you and go with good grace. It's a very emotional time for everyone.
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913
  • 25
    Good luck, please update us. My post will be downvoted because Reddit hates compromise but I hope you find one.
    via u/Firm-Molasses-4913
  • 26
    tatersprout 13 hr. ago ΝΤΑ They are very r e to expect you to pay for a hotel and come be their maid for weeks. It doesn't really matter what her culture is when it interferes with your own life. They have no right to make demands like this on you.
    via u/tatersprout
  • 27
    I think it's really selfish and entitled to expect this of you. Your son can take care of his own home and his wife if he wants to honor her culture. It shouldn't involve you.
    via u/tatersprout
  • 28
    FormerRunnerAgain 13 hr. ago NTA - my guess is her culture also includes a close knit family and "village" and she seems to have "disrespected" this aspect of her culture (maybe for very good reasons). From your description, the "maid" duties are shared by multiple people, not just one, another way she has. disrespected her culture.
    via u/FormerRunnerAgain
  • 29
    Has anyone explained why you can't stay in the house that you are cleaning? Does your son have a time restricted job (e.g. medical resident) that he can't use more PTO to be the maid or is he selfish and used the PTO at other times so he won't have to deal with all of this?
    via u/FormerRunnerAgain
  • 30
    If you do decide to go, my guess is that Sierra will treat you more as a slave, then as a much-loved family member who is sacrificing to help her out. So, set some boundaries about what you will and won't do and how you expect to be treated (yes, you should expect to spend some time with the baby and gasp even hold it, but
    via u/FormerRunnerAgain
  • 31
    of course you will return the baby to a parent when it needs soothing and a parent requests the child back....). Make sure you are allowed to eat the meals that you prepare and that they aren't overly elaborate or must be made exactly following a family recipe with techniques that you are not familiar with. Is Sierra expecting to be waited on hand and foot
    via u/FormerRunnerAgain
  • 32
    and that you jump at her every command, or is this the more normal Mom is recovering from child birth and needs another set of hands as she physically recovers and learns to be a Mom?
    via u/FormerRunnerAgain

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family drama daughter in law marriage baby pregnancy relationship-drama askreddit family feud relationships parenting in laws mother in law family Reddit son parents
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