Family of 6 struggles to survive on $80k a year, husband gets a part time job and won't let stay-at-home wife touch the money: 'Are people actually this financially stupid?'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 28, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Sharing finances as a married couple is one of the most difficult things about marriage. It rarely happens that the salaries are equal and everything is hunky dory. Usually, one person makes more money than the other and this introduces some imbalances. Does that mean the other one does more of the housework? How is that defined? If you don't have a rock-solid base of a relationship, then money troubles are sure to shake your ground. 

Especially when you add children to the mix. Children are expensive for one, they're always needing new shoes or braces or whatever it is. And they're also another full-time job, but an unpaid one. So if you're already working, it can be difficult to divvy up the child-rearing labor in a way that makes everyone happy. That's the situation this couple found themselves in when the husband had the bright idea to get a part-time job. Except the outcome wasn't what he expected. Read on for the story. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10379923712
    via Jessica Rockowitz
  • 02
    WIBTAH for telling my wife that she cannot touch any money I make from my part time job?
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 03
    Long story short, I bring in $80,000 per year as our main source of income for our house due to my disabilities. It's barely enough money to pay our bills, but that's it. We don't really have much extra money to do things like vacations, family outings, eating out, etc. Because of this, we also don't have enough money to pay for things like renovations and upgrades to our home.
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 04
    I have been trying to get my wife to get a job for YEARS but she refuses to as she wants to be a SAHM for our 4 kids (even though I'm always home). We got into this massive argument some time ago in which I said I wanted a divorce and I wanted to be done. She said she would fix her
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 05
    issues and get a job. That was months ago and I haven't seen her try to search for jobs, apply for jobs, or even interview. When I ask about it, she gets flustered and refuses to engage in the conversation, or gets upset with me for "hounding her." I've had a part time job before, but she saw
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 06
    it as extra money to do things with and spend on stuff. Whenever we get extra money from a family member for holidays/anniversary, it gets spent almost right away on various things that we don't need. I cannot even save it for things that I would personally like to get, or for needed things like renovations/needed home upgrades.
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 07
    Therefore, I am looking at getting a part time job in which I cannot make more than $1,300 per month due to my disability restrictions. WIBTAH if I put it in a separate bank account and told her that she cannot touch this money as I want to save this money to do things to upgrade the house, buy a new computer, save for a "new" vehicle, etc.
    via u/ThrowAwAITA-1754
  • 08
    Witty_Princesss • 6 hr. ago NTA. You are the sole income earner and your income barely covers basic expenses. Your wife's refusal to contribute financially, despite your repeated requests and her previous promises, puts an unfair burden on you and limits your family's options.
    via u/Witty_Princesss
  • 09
    MichaSound. 4 hr. ago She is not a partner, she's another child.
    via u/MichaSound
  • 10
    Big-Bad-Bull 3 hr. ago Even less so. The kids are growing and learning to be self sufficient. She is literally providing nothing is what it sounds like. She isn't a child, she's a straight up 1.
    via u/Big-Bad-Bull
  • 11
    Radomila 6 hr. ago • Are people actually this financially stupid?
    via u/Radomila
  • 12
    Janellaacutie 7 hr. ago Given your wife's lack of action, establishing financial boundaries seems reasonable. Consider a joint account for shared expenses and a separate one for your savings goals.
    via u/Janellaacutie
  • 13
    TorturousTaco 6 hr. ago. • YTA to yourself. Get the separate account, then get divorced. She's got no interest in getting a job and will drag this out as long as she possibly can. Once you're separated look at your financials when you aren't supporting an adult mooch and I'm sure you'll find saving money much easier when she has no access to anything.
    via u/TorturousTaco
  • 14
    LilyNaowNaow 4 hr. ago Can't believe the number of people telling a disabled father of four he needs to get a divorce. Unbelievable.
    via u/LilyNaowNaow
  • 15
    INFO - does your disability mean she is doing most of the childcare and house works? Is she reluctant to work because all the burden is on her? Is your youngest still a baby/toddler? Is she worried you can care for the kids 100% if alone? If she concerned you won't cope while she is away? Did you have any agreement before marriage that she would be a SAHM? There is so much information missing here.
    via u/LilyNaowNaow
  • 16
    Nelsie020 1 hr. ago • Took too long to find this. A SAHM of FOUR children? She does have a full time job, and then some! It matters how old the kids are and whether he's willing/able to take on the responsibility of childcare, but seeing as he's not answering anything, I'm assuming she's running the household. Of course she doesn't have time to apply for jobs when she's caring for a family of six.
    via u/Nelsie020
  • 17
    • Glittering-Skin4118 · 4 hr. ago Probably something you should have talked about financially before having 4 kids but no thinking ahead required here apparently.
    via u/Glittering-Skin4118
  • 18
    It's likely pretty taxing looking after 4 kids so are you helping out or is it just her, how old are the kids, if they are young and require constant attention it's kinda out of the question to ask her to get a job. But if they could be at a daycare or something like that or if you can take care of them on certain days then she should be able to get a part time job and help her look for one instead of just waiting around for her to change.
    via u/Glittering-Skin4118
  • 19
    Explain to her that somehow 80k a year is not enough and that as a family you won't be able to save for things that are important. You can always just stop enabling her to live this way by not buying her things or spending money because she won't get a job, if she wants her own things she can buy it. But you did. kinda walk into this so I imagine this either ends in divorce or she actually realises the free ride you are giving her is over and she gets her together.
    via u/Glittering-Skin4118

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stay at home mom salary sahm part time job saving money job married with children kids finance reddit story finances take my money little kids reddit thread Reddit raising kids money children
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