Couple names first 4 children after children's grandparents balks at naming the fifth after step-grandma causing rift in the family: '[I] never ever considered calling her mom'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Aug 8, 2024 10:00 AM EDT

Naming kids is a minefield that's littered with many potential pitfalls. Upholding family traditions comes into contact with conflicting expectations from either side of the family, meeting jarringly with modern naming trends while trying to make sure that it also ends up being something unique while also avoiding adverse personal and pop culture associations. 

Yeah, you're never gonna get it exactly right; just when you think you're getting close to settling on a name, you come to learn that it was actually the name of your partner's other hookup around the time you started dating… so, back to the drawing board, you go.

This couple ran into a conundrum when they chose to name their first four children after their parents but refused to name the fifth after the mother's stepmother, causing a rift in the family and troubles in their relations. 

The mother, whose own stepmother was the one snubbed, shared her experience with this popular online community, wondering if she was in the wrong for not honoring her stepmother in the same way as the other grandparents were. 

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    via Joshua Reddekopp
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    AITA for naming four of my kids names inspired by all four grandparents but not naming my fifth child for my stepmother? My husband and I have five children together. Our last baby was born 5 weeks ago. We chose to give our first four kids names inspired by their grandparents, our parents. Their names are not directly the same name as our parents but inspired by the person.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 03
    Summer for our oldest, for my mom, whose name meant summer and was a summer baby, which our daughter is also Robin for our second, for my FIL, it's a play on his name AND Robin's are his favorite birds Luca for our third, for my MIL who always loved that name but felt it was similar to hers and didn't want to do that and she loves the name for a girl Phoenix for our forth child, for my dad and has a nickname in common with my dad's name and my dad always found Phoenix's cool lol
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 04
    For our youngest we ended up with a name inspired by my grandma and my husband's grandma. They had the same first name, sort of (both used the same name but one had a longer more formal name while the other had it as their given name) which made it easier. My grandma was the woman I saw in a motherly capacity after my mom died while I was young so honoring her was special to me. But we wanted to give our kids their own names hence the way we chose to honor.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 05
    The choice for our youngest child's name was controversial with my stepmother. She and my dad met when I was 8, married when I was 12 and my mom died when I was 6 for context. She saw me as her daughter for a long time but stopped seeing me that way mostly, when she realized I didn't return her affection in that way, because while I like her enough, I don't regard her as my mother figure and never ever considered calling her mom.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 06
    I never considered honoring her with one of my kids' names. But this has upset her given our youngests name. Also the fact she has two kids. with my father but both are disabled and won't be having their own children so she doesn't get to experience it like my dad did. She told me all of this and she expressed that she feels like I was disrespectful to her and her efforts to be a mother to me, efforts I always rejected but she feels I should have shown love and appreciation for in the naming of
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 07
    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a O: e: I named four of my kids. names inspired by my and my husband's parents and our fifth child is inspired by our grandmothers. I have a stepmother and did not honor her in any of the names. I know how much she wanted things to be different and I can imagine my not taking her into account was a difficult thing to accept. So maybe I was somewhat careless with my choice here.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 08
    Inevitable-Chest-143 18 hr. ago Nta for not naming your kid after her But you should reconsider how much effort you put into the relationship (and try to put in more). She clearly cares about you a lot. And you even remark how you don't put as much in. She's not your mom, she'll never be your mom, but she has been in your life for 20 years and for major life moments. How do your other kids refer to her?
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 09
    SoImaRedditUserNow FRankly... I'm just sitting at NAH. NTA would imply that your stepmom is an , and I'm just not getting that vibe. In your description, you don't describe her as anything but a decent person who tried to be some sort of mother figure. More importantly, you don't describe her as someone who was wanting to erase your mother and step in as if nothing happened, declaring "I am your mother now". She sees all the grandparents being honored, and she views these kids as her grandkids.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 10
    This is all not to say you're the either (i.e. NAH). You name your kids how you name your kids, and based on what you wrote its not like you named the youngest honoring you and your husbands grandparents simply to spite stepmother. I can understand her being hurt, and I can see your reasoning for naming your kids how you named them.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 11
    BulbasaurRanch 18 hr. ago • No, NTA Your kids, your decision what they will be named She's not your mother, you don't view her as such, and it's ridiculous she thinks she deserves this honour. She can be upset about it, sure, but still is in no position to think you've done her wrong by not naming your kid after her. You were not "disrespectful to her". That's ludicrous. This has nothing to do with her.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616
  • 12
    wxst3d 18 hr. ago • Nta- it's your baby. Why is she getting upset about what you named your child? It's not really her place. She's weird for that... Firm-Issue9616 OP 18 hr. ago She wants to be recognized by me and my husband as one of the parents.
    via u/Firm-Issue9616

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