Woman’s Father-in-law Demands That They Give Him Handouts After He Lost His Job, She Refuses, Causing Tension With Her Husband

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 1, 2024 2:00 PM EDT

Welcome back internet enthusiasts. When you marry someone, you sign up not just to live and deal with the person, but to deal with their family as well. Depending on how close your partner is to their family, they can be so deeply involved, which isn't always how someone wants their relationship to be. Some people love family, and they like these wholesome get-togethers. Some people, on the other hand, want more privacy and space from family, and just like to know they live their own lives. And when money gets involved in the mix, things can become even more skewed. 

That brings us to the Reddit piece. This couple has been together for 7 years, so they're very enmeshed and there's no escaping that. But her husband's family is not financially stable, and neither is the couple. The father is demanding handouts from his kids, which is never a good look. Hey, if you can afford it great, it's family. If you can't afford it, things can get very complicated. I don't blame this woman for not wanting to be involved. But read it yourself to see whose side you're on. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH • 13 hr. ago Maleficent Skin9944 AITAH for telling my husband (31m) that I no longer want a relationship with his parents
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 02
    Hello everyone, I (27F) have been together with my husband (31M) for 7 years married for 2 years. Throughout our relationship, his parents have been some sort of controlling. His father is demanding of his money and time, and if he doesn't get it he
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 03
    time, and if he doesn't get it he will cause some sort of argument.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 04
    We have a baby on the way and we have been trying to save up as much of money that we can. But, my FIL has been fired recently from work because he just doesn't feel like going so he'll just take 10 days off for no reason and then expect to still have a job at the end.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 05
    A couple of days ago he called all his children together telling them that they have to pay for his mortgage now because he doesn't feel like working. All the money he has, he would send it back home to his brother. His brother just sits on his all
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 06
    day and doesn't even bother to work as well.
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  • 07
    Now that he is fired, he expects all his kids to finance his lifestyle and mortgage and also support his brother and brother family back home.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 08
    I told my husband that he won't be helping his dad out as we are already struggling with our own situation and a baby on the way. We have our own mortgage to pay and the father does not care.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 09
    Right now, all of his children are struggling with money because of the inflation, but his father does not care.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 10
    His mother is even worse at the moment, she knows that we are all struggling and she's asking my husband to finance her holidays that she plans to take in a couple of months.
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 11
    I had an argument with my husband last night about this and I told him that his parents thinks that he is a cash cow and will just give them all the money they want. I also told him I no longer want a relationship with his parents because they always just ask for money. We have a saving
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 12
    accounts together and I told him if he touches that money there will be severe consequences. I know that he won't touch the money without me knowing because he always ask before going into the account. But, he got upset that I told him there will be consequences. Am I the ?
    via u/Maleficent Skin9944
  • 13
    GuyInTheLifestyle • 13h ago ΝΤΑ Cut his lazy worthless parents out completely. I bet your father in law will suddenly reconsider not working when the alternative is living in a
    via u/GuyInTheLifestyle
  • 14
    homeless shelter. Your money is for you and your family, not your husband's pathetic parents.
    via u/GuyInTheLifestyle
  • 15
    Ok_Play2364 • 12h ago Separate your finances! He WILL give money to his parents, and THEN tell you after
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  • 16
    Leo_Xu_4054 • 13h ago Not the . Prioritizing your baby and savings makes sense.
    via u/Leo_Xu_4054
  • 17
    Glinda-The-Witch • 12h ago NTA. But honestly, you should have your own bank accounts. You can split who pays what bills and he can. never touch your savings. Keep a close eye and make sure everything is getting
    via u/Glinda-The-Witch
  • 18
    paid and he's not siphoning off some of the money and redirecting it to his father.
    via u/Glinda-The-Witch
  • 19
    silverwheelspinner ⚫12h ago OP will be back in 6 months because she's stuck at home with the baby and her husband has cleared out their savings to subsidise his feckless parents.
    via u/silverwheelspinner
  • 20
    Ginboy5 12h ago • I would tell him you will divorce him if he gives them another dime as you guys have a baby on the way and that needs to be your main concern. I would just tell his parents sorry he can't hold a
    via u/Ginboy5
  • 21
    job but with a baby on the way you have zero extra cash to pay for someone who is capable of working and paying their own bills
    via u/Ginboy5
  • 22
    AnaslynAmelie • 12h ago that sounds really challenging! It makes sense that you're feeling upset with your in-laws and want to establish clear boundaries, especially during such a financially
    via u/AnaslynAmelie
  • 23
    stressful time. You're definitely not the wanting to protect your for savings and prioritize your family. It's important that your husband understands where you're coming from and that having a baby adds a whole new layer to your
    via u/AnaslynAmelie
  • 24
    financial responsibilities. Maybe you both can sit down together and discuss a plan for how to handle his parents' requests so you can find a way to support each other without compromising your own financial security.
    via u/AnaslynAmelie
  • 25
    ConvivialKat 11h ago NTA • But, honestly, you aren't being very smart.
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  • 26
    If your husband has been giving his father money, he absolutely will NOT stop giving him money. He will drain your savings dry if his dad demands money.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 27
    Be wise. Pull half the money out of the savings and put it into another savings account where your husband has no access. None.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 28
    Then, put alerts on the account with the remaining savings he can access to notify you immediately of any withdrawals.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 29
    Unless your husband is willing to cut off his parents from money, this will be an ongoing issue forever. I'm actually quite shocked that you elected to have a child with someone who is clearly willing to throw away your future. And don't say he
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 30
    isn't. You've already been struggling, and he has still been giving him money.
    via u/ConvivialKat
  • 31
    EnigmaticEuphor... • 13h ago NTA. Setting boundaries with his parents is necessary, especially with a baby on the way. It's important for your husband to back you up on prioritizing your family's financial well-being.
    via u/EnigmaticEuphor
  • 32
    It seems like his parents need a wake-up call and some tough love.
    via u/EnigmaticEuphor
  • 33
    SnooWords4839 • 12h ago NTA time to put your money out of his family's reach. Hubby needs to tell his family no. Tell him, if he gives one cent to them, he can expect a divorce.
    via u/SnooWords4839
  • 34
    Vegetable_Movie... • 12h ago Convene a siblings meeting and say you are not going to give money and hope they agree to do the same. That way everyone stops enabling the two life donors.
    via u/Vegetable_Movie
  • 35
    And, no, you are NTA. Have your husband grow a spine, go NC with in-laws, and monitor your finances in case he caves. He may be upset, but you are pregnant and worried about what this will mean if it continues.
    via u/Vegetable_Movie

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