30 Married Life Tweets For Long Term Couples Who Keep the Spark Alive with Wholesome Humor

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  • 01
    Mediocre Mom @MediocreMamaa I've been with my husband so long that I can sense what he is looking for and tell him which very obvious spot to find it in without him ever speaking a word.
  • 02
    Mediocre Mom @MediocreMamaa Just me making weird polite conversation with my husband in the backseat so our Uber driver doesn't think we have a troubled marriage.
    via @MediocreMamaa
  • 03
    Mediocre Mom @MediocreMamaa Ok so my husband and I are mad at each other, and I just noticed on the grocery list he wrote "A Better Attitude" Do I laugh or....?
    via @MediocreMamaa
  • 04
    Scary Scary Mommy Mommy @Scary Mommy My husband is going away this weekend and I can't wait to clean alone in peace. Nothing like a solo weekend cleanse. Nobody here to question why I am throwing something out.
  • 05
    My Life As Dad @milifeasdad Follow My wife calls me Iron Man. Not because I'm rich, handsome and charming like Tony Stark, but because I iron all her clothes. And the fact that I'm a man.
  • 06
    My Life As Dad @milifeasdad Follow Marriage tip: If your wife says it's ok for you to go out on a guys night while she stays with the kids, bring back something juicy for her to enjoy and feast on, like gossip.
    via @milifeasdad
  • 07
    Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish Follow My wife and I didn't renew our vows but we did solve our third grader's math problem together.
  • 08
    Dad Moon Rising Follow @raoulvilla made the mistake of offering a solution to the problem that my wife spent 20 minutes describing in great detail
  • 09
    Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad Follow When I can't find something: It's probably around here somewhere... When my wife can't find that same thing: Oh well. It's gone forever.
  • 10
    Kevin The Dad @kevinthedad Follow I came back from the grocery store with a bag of fresh vegetables and when my wife asked what I'd bought I said it was a bag full of good intentions
    via @kevinthedad
  • 11
    SARCASTE MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 My husband made me a drink & told me to sit down while he makes dinner & all I can say is, whatever he did wrong, I'm totally fine with it.
  • 12
    SARCASTE MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 Marriage is all about being creative in your revenge. Like later I'm going to add my husband to a group text.
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 13
    SARCASTIC SM MOMMY Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 I accidentally sent my husband the kissy face emoji instead of the angry face & now he thinks I like him.
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 14
    SARCASTE MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 Am I the only one who has a husband who wakes up, carries on a full conversation & then immediately goes back to snoring? Or am I just lucky?
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 15
    SARCASTE MOMMY SM Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 It's that time of year, arguing with my husband over the ceiling fan speed. I like “light breeze." He prefers "F4 tornado."
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 16
    SARCASTE MOMMY Sm Sarcastic Mommy → @sarcasticmommy4 *getting ready to go on vacation* Me: We're getting in the car. My husband: Ok, I just need to take a quick shower & reconfigure the whole sprinkler system.
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 17
    SARCASTI MOMMY Sm Sarcastic Mommy ❤ @sarcasticmommy4 My husband texted to let me know he unloaded the dishwasher. Like, ok guy. If I texted every task I did, it'd be a novel. Settle down.
    via @sarcasticmommy4
  • 18
    That Mom Tho @mom_tho my husband wasn't aware that ordering my drink at starbucks were part of the vows i think he's questioning everything
    via @mom_tho
  • 19
    That Mom Tho @mom_tho The audacity of my husband to fall asleep when I've got memes to show him from my side of the bed
    via @mom_tho
  • 20
    Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 When we go out, my husband always volunteers to be the designated driver so I can drink, I can never leave this man
  • 21
    Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking wife: [stressed and busy] Follow me: [not working] let me help and I can do the grocery shopping wife: I don't want you to do that.
  • 22
    Dadman Walking → @dadmann_walking Follow My wife and I are currently on day three of a silent argument of who is going to clean the lasagna pan that's soaking next to the sink.
    via @dadmann_walking
  • 23
    Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking Follow I made dinner for the past 2 nights and I told my wife I guess we're even now and by the look I received and the stab wound in my abdomen, I don't think I was right.
    via @dadmann_walking
  • 24
    Dadman Walking @dadmann_walking Follow me: [grunts sitting down getting into the car] Wife: [grunts sitting down getting into the car] Me: remember when we used to get in the car silently??
    via @dadmann_walking
  • 25
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 My husband lost his voice so I get to speak for him now and it's amazing how many of our longest running arguments I've suddenly won
  • 26
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 After 16 years of marriage my husband is leaving the toilet seat up again, is there a program I can send him to for retraining?
    via @reallifemommy3
  • 27
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 If anyone thinks the man cold isn't real, you're welcome to borrow my husband
    via @reallifemommy3
  • 28
    mmy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 *Husband screams in pain* Wife *Year one of marriage*: what happened?! Are you okay?! Wife *Year 12+*: What did you do this time?
    via @reallifemommy3
  • 29
    Ommy3 Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 Kid: *spills cereal all over the floor* My husband: Can you grab the vacuum cleaner? Me: Sure *whistles for the dog* 14:52. 27/03/2024 From Earth 12K Views .
    via @reallifemommy3
  • 30
    real Ommy Real Life Mommy @reallifemommy3 I was in the middle of lecturing my husband about not leaving empty cans on the counter when I realized it was my can, but he let me finish the lecture anyway. This is true love • 21:34 14/07/2024 From Earth 15K Views
    via @reallifemommy3

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