Woman Cuts Ties With Family After They Take Her Ex-husband’s Side in Divorce, She Refuses to Attend Sister’s Wedding

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Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 3, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. In life, you have to make some tough decisions. Maybe you have to choose between what to study, or between careers, or between places to live. You may even have to choose between romantic partners. But these days, it's more and more common to have to choose family members. 

'No contact' with family members is becoming a casual part of our culture, and regardless of your views on this strictness, it's the truth. Everything is dependent on the situation, but sometimes it's the best course of action. Just because they're your family doesn't mean they want your happiness. Unfortunately there's a lot of bad parents out there, and even some cruel ones. In this particular Reddit thread, I understand the original poster's decision. She had a cruel husband, and crawling out of that marriage must've been difficult on its own, and having love and support from your family in that situation is important for healing. But read the piece below and let us know what you think. 

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  • 01
    TWO r/TwoHotTakes ⚫ 10 hr. TAKE small inconveniences WIBTA for cutting ties with my family after I didn't attend my sister's wedding?
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 02
    I've been wanting to post about this for a little while but felt it was maybe... insignificant? Idk. All names are made up.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 03
    I (34f) have 4 sisters, and we were all raised really close to one another. I'm the second oldest, so it goes "Elizabeth" (40f), me, "Elle" (30f), "Emma" (28f), and "Emily" (19f). As we got older, I moved farther away, had kids, and ended up in some crappy situations with domestic violence. My family had an idea that I wasn't doing well
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 04
    an idea that I wasn't doing well but convinced me to stay in my relationships "for the kids." Once I got out, I came clean about everything that happened and asked them not to contact my ex. They didn't believe me and refused to stop communication.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 05
    I asked for help (which I never do) when a judge told me I would lose my son if I didn't get an attorney, and my dad threw my failed marriage in my face and how much money I already owed him, refusing to help. I got mad and cut communication with them for about 2 years until I was ready to rebuild something
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 06
    healthier. I tried to establish boundaries and reach out, and everything seemed to be going fine. My dad (who was abusive growing up) would snap at me occasionally, which was triggering, but I don't see them often, so I would take a few minutes to cope afterward and try to remain happy.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 07
    At Emily's graduation party, Elle was drunk and started talking about her addiction and depression issues in front of the whole party and how she wanted to fix it. I tried to take her aside and gently suggest quitting drinking (which changed my life because alcoholism runs heavy in our family), and she became
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 08
    extremely defensive and hasn't talked to me since (ignores all my messages and snubs me at family parties). I've tried to be the bigger person and ignore it, but it's been about 2 years.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 09
    Recently, I found out (through Facebook) that Emma was getting married, but no one mentioned it when I talked to them. After I received the invite, there was a lot of pressure put on me to RSVP for me and my kids. I explained I didn't have the kids the day of the wedding and would need to ask my ex if I
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 10
    could have them, but he most likely wouldn't agree. My mom told me they better agree because the only justifiable reason to miss it would be for a funeral. Emma told me she still talks to my ex and could ask him for me. I explained my custody agreement doesn't work like that but would do what I could. When
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 11
    I attended the bridal shower with my daughters, Elle took a ton of pictures of us with Emma (the bride) but never posted them with the rest of the bridal shower pictures. I ignored it.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 12
    When it came time to prepare for attending the wedding, I needed to find someone to take care of my dogs, rent a car (ours was in an accident recently), take time off work, fight my ex for my kids, and pay for a hotel because it was out of state. I also have severe social anxiety (especially around people drinking) and was
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 13
    super nervous about attending such a big event with family I hadn't seen in years. No matter what I did, everything went wrong. We found a friend to help with the dogs, but his wife went into heart failure, which was way more important than my sister's wedding. While trying to work, finish classes, take care of my
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 14
    kids, and everything else, my mom and sister kept reaching out for me to RSVP.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 15
    I finally decided to just fill it out and hope for the best. I RSVPd "yes" even though I was still waiting for my ex to reply. When I checked the details of the wedding the next day on the wedding site, I saw the bridal party list. Every one of my sisters was in the bridal party. I was the only one not included. It hurt so
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 16
    bad. I worked really hard to fix myself and have a healthy relationship with my family. There was never really any issue between me and Emma for her not to ask. She stood up in my wedding and is my daughter's godmother. I considered if it was because of how chaotic my life is, but my older sister was a
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 17
    bridesmaid and she has twice as many kids (and more financial issues) than me. No one told me that I wasn't included... They just talked to me about Emma's wedding planning like they weren't involved. I felt so ostracized and didn't know what to do, so a week before the wedding, I decided not to go. I
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 18
    didn't think walking into a wedding and seeing my whole family standing up there to support my sister was something I could do... I felt hurt and like a joke. So I texted Emma and told her I couldn't get the time off of work and was really sorry (because I didn't want to make her day about me). She replied, "I
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 19
    get it but I wish I had more of a heads up." I haven't heard from her since. She's ignored my texts.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 20
    The night of the bachelorette party, Elle posted a ton of inappropriate videos and pictures of everyone wasted, including Emily (19f) who was playing with giant inflatable penises and was thrown into a pool wearing a white shirt and no bra. My mom (who swears she quit drinking) was falling over drunk, and my
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 21
    daughters (14 and 15) have access to see these pictures and videos. It kind of solidified my decision. As news got out that I wasn't going, my mom and older sister reached out through text to see if I really wasn't going, and Emily texted my daughters to see if they'd want to go without me. It felt like I didn't matter at all.
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 22
    Two days after the wedding, we were hit by a tornado. My older sister and mom reached out to make sure I was okay, so I replied but haven't checked their messages (shared fb reels) since. I haven't even heard from my dad or any of my younger sisters, and I'm ready to just give up on having family connections
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 23
    because I feel like I'm the only one trying and that cares. It just feels unhealthy. WIBTA if I decide to cut ties from my family after this?
    via u/small inconveniences
  • 24
    Unreasonable-Skirt • 9h ago "Fixing" yourself will not make you have a good relationship with your family. There is nothing you can do that will make your family treat you better. Just quietly cut them out of your life.
    via u/Unreasonable-Skirt
  • 25
    Ok_Resource_8530 • 9h ago NTA You said you haven't checked their messages, don't. Quietly go no contact and explain to your daughters why, they are old enough to know. If your family wants to be in your life they need to work for the opportunity. Your sister
    via u/Ok_Resource_8530
  • 26
    still be in contact with your ex enough to be comfortable about asking about changing custody times for having your girls is a great big red flag to me. She knows domestic violence was involved and apparently doesn't care.
    via u/Ok_Resource_8530
  • 27
    • ypranch 10h ago I didn't even need to finish(but I did) to tell you you would not be the AH to cut off your family. In fact, I would say it's necessary to continue moving forward to a mentally and emotionally healthy place.
    via u/ypranch
  • 28
    I reading, they is really nothing that indicates that they bring anything positive to your life. They judge, exclude, dismiss and minimize you at every opportunity.
    via u/ypranch
  • 29
    Elegant righthere ⚫ 9h ago Your family is awful. Why do you continue to allow them to treat you like a second class citizen? You admit your dad was abusive. Why do you continue to engage with him? Cut them all out (completely) and move on with your life without those horrible people.
    via u/Elegant righthere

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