'He said I need to choose between him and the cat': Heartless Husband Demands Wife Get Rid of Her Lifelong Cat, She Tells Him She Will Sooner End Their Marriage

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Aug 8, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

Bringing cats into a relationship can be challenging. Not every partner will connect with them immediately, and it might not even be their fault. We know that it's the cats who choose us and not the other way around. There's no guarantee that they will choose our partners as well. And so, all kinds of reactions can happen. We have read about boyfriends ending relationships because they can't be the "second choice" to their girlfriend's cats. We have read about boyfriends calling their girlfriends unhygienic because they kiss their cats on their foreheads sometimes. We've just written about a husband who doesn't want to get their cat neutered because he sees neutering as a threat to his masculinity. 

Weird reactions, insane reactions, overreactions, we've seen it all. Or so we thought. This one… is kind of way worse than just about anything that we have seen so far, and we hope that this cat ends up saving this wife by getting her to make the right decision. 

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  • 01
    Posted by u/BurnerCatPhone 3 months ago AITAH for maybe choosing a cat over my marriage?
    via u/BurnerCatPhone

    Look… when it comes to marriage and pets, you have to prioritize. You have to be realistic. One can be rehomed, and the other cannot. One you made a commitment to on paper, and the other is etched in your heart. With that said, rehome the husband. Right meow. 

  • 02
    I am a married woman expecting first child. I have been married for 7 months now to my husband. I have 3 cats that were here when he moved in. Overall, all has been okay. The oldest cat is a female and about 14 years old now. I adopted her alone 7 years ago. 6 years ago, I went through an extremely serious, life- threatening illness. I was largely alone when this happened, most of my family/friends did not show up for me.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone

    We can practically hear the pain in this wife's voice, the years of possible gaslighting. We don't know what she has gone through with him over the years, but we are thankful for her cat. Because it seems that there is one line you cannot cross in a marriage, and that is the cat line, and we're glad the kitty is there to finally open this wife's eyes. 

  • 03
    My cat (she was the sole cat at the time; the males followed after I recovered) stayed by my side and was my only real companion/source of comfort through it. So yes, I love this cat very much and want her to live out a happy life.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 04
    The cat has not handled my pregnancy well. I think she is stressed by the big changes. She has messed outside the litter box, began eating non-food items, started antagonizing my husband and the male cats, etc. We have tried many methods to help her - a self-cleaning litter box, cat pheromone sprays and diffusers, treats, etc. Everything the cat behaviorists recommend, but little luck.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 05
    I don't think my husband helps matters because he will physically discipline/strike her when she messes up - I don't really believe in that and keep trying the behavioral methods.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 06
    Initially, my husband said he would defer to me on what to do with her because of my long-existing relationship with her. I held out a lot of hope she'd improve, but no luck.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 07
    Finally, I accepted that she would benefit from finding her a new home, away from this stress. I am working now to either rehome her directly with a good, calm home through message boards/websites and contacting local no-kill shelters to try to arrange a safe surrender. I do not want to take her to the direct intake kill shelter near us because I worry at her age, they will slate her for euthanasia immediately.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 08
    My husband has reached the point of demanding that I just do an immediate surrender, regardless of the shelter's status. I have begged him to give me time to find a safe home. I feel like I owe her a safe home. He has threatened to take her in himself.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 09
    Today, he told me I care more for a cat than our baby and said I need to choose between the cat and him. I told him I can't love him if he forces that choice, the marriage will end. AITAH for this? I just don't want the cat to die.
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 10
    • Repulsive_Location 3 mo. ago You're not the AH. You're growing a person inside you. You're experiencing all kinds of physical and hormonal changes. In addition, you can't do the cat box, and you probably feel guilty because your husband has to step up. That's the point, he's not stepping up he's adding to the problem. Making you rehome your cat is bad enough, but threatening to take her to a kill shelter is cruel. Cats don't learn from being "swatted." Your husband doesn't sound like he is hel
    via u/Repulsive_Location
  • 11
    Should this be a marriage ending situation, you aren't choosing your cat over your marriage. You are choosing to show empathy and loyalty to a creature who nurtured you when you were at your lowest. Only a true would ever put you in this position. I am so sorry that you are not being supported by your partner right now. Sending you so much strength and positive energy. ⑤❤
    via u/Repulsive_Location
  • 12
    BurnerCatPhone OP 3 mo. ago Truthfully, my husband has suggested that I have probably given the cat more chances than most people would specifically because I'm so bonded to her because she saw me through a really rough time, and I tend to agree with him - I know I am really going through it to try to keep her here. I think I've reach the point where I get that her staying here isn't good for HER - she's obviously stressed and upset and spiraling, and I feel like I'm harming HER to keep her here
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 13
    My husband is a very inpatient person - he's not great with long-term things. He does scream, he does throw things. He can do ragers. But this feels worse - it feels like he knows how much she means to me and is still choosing to say these things. -213 Reply Share
    via u/BurnerCatPhone
  • 14
    Shelacia · 3 mo. ago • It..isn't the changes the cat is stressed about. It's your husband. He HITS your cat. A defenseless tiny animal. I'd be rehoming the animal-ab sing pos husband to the shelter. 4.6k Reply Share
    via u/Shelacia
  • 15
    MartinisnMurder 3 mo. ago THANK YOU! I was like he "strikes" the cat?! No wonder the cat is stressed!! Kick him out. He's abusive. The cat is not reacting to OP being pregnant but is reacting to her abusive partner. 1.9k Reply Share
    via u/MartinisnMurder
  • 16
    Kitchen_Name9497 · 3 mo. ago Wait until his baby does something that they can't control, and he strikes it. Use of violence against defenseless beings is unacceptable! 1.1k Reply Share
    via u/Kitchen_Name9497
  • 17
    helpmewitha 3 mo. ago Is she stressed about the pregnancy or the fact that your husband physically ab ses her? If he will ab se an animal, do you really want to raise a child with this AH? 2.0k Reply Share
    via u/helpmewitha
  • 18
    TheGreenPangolin 3 mo. ago The cat reverts to old behaviour when the husband is gone?!?! Dump the husband. The cat is acting like that because of his ab se. And if he hits her in front of you, what is he doing when you're not around? What is he going to do when your kid misbehaves? 1.3k Reply Share
    via u/TheGreenPangolin

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