Woman Demands Her Fiancé to Defend Her Against His Controlling Family, Husband Refuses to Prioritize Her and His Future Child's Feelings

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Aug 27, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

You're not "ungrateful". They don't know when to stop getting involved in your life.

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  • When you're expecting a child, many things can be much more stressful for you. You're not only worried about your day-to-day affairs, but this worry is coupled with the fact that you have a little human being growing inside of you, and you're just trying to do the best you can during those nine months. Of course, having a partner and extended family around is nice when you feel like you can use a little extra help and guidance, but folks should not assume you don't know anything about what you're doing. Especially when they vocalize their concerns in an ill manner, and get offended when you don't want to follow their advice. Never be overbearing to a pregnant woman unless she asks! Every woman is different in these circumstances.

    The woman in this story is struggling to set a boundary between her pregnancy and her in-laws. They are dictating what she should clean with (limited exposure to cleaning chemicals will not do detrimental damage to the baby). They are trying to take over the baby shower (and refuse her biological family a major role in it). The icing on the cake: her husband refuses to defend her from their vulture-like behavior. Going so far as to say that the woman's family will not be involved in the child's life if his family is not allowed around their child, the husband is not seeing the woman's perspective. Scroll to read the entire story and some comments from ladies who think she is not overreacting.

  • 01
    drama. we'd been going back and forth about this and I brought up how I just wanted him and my mom in the delivery room during labor, he said "well if my nana can't come then your moms not coming either" and it's just really effecting me, my
    via Canva
  • 02
    AIO for wanting my fiancé to set boundaries for how his family is treating me.
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 03
    Context, I 21F and my Fiancé 23M have been together for 4 years and we're expecting our first child together (October 2024). Recently there's been NOTHING but drama between his sisters, mom, grandma and I. They're a VERY close family, and they've always been very judgmental and opinionated of me, even SOS BIL has noticed it and has said "they treated me the same way for a long time." Whereas my family is
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 04
    very relaxed, we don't get in each others business, we keep to ourselves and there's never really any "drama" with my family. So it all started when I became pregnant. Everyone was extremely excited for us, we had lots of support on both sides up until the last 2-3 months. His sisters would make small passive comments to me, for example, I
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 05
    was cleaning house using fabuloso cleaner and mentioned how I was craving the smell, his oldest sister told me I shouldn't be using fabuloso to clean because she "wants her nephew to have all his brain cells" which in all honesty, rubbed me the wrong way, his family went on and on about how terrible I was for cleaning with chemicals while pregnant and I said that it was
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 06
    hurting my feelings and I didn't like that she said that about my child. well of course as soon as I defend myself it's a problem to EVERYONE. Small things like this continue to happen, I'm not allowed to call my son the nickname my grandma gave him because said sister "thinks it's stupid" and said "I know she's not going to call my nephew that, I can pick something better"
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 07
    Now here's the juicy part, my other sister in law INSISTED ON throwing me a baby shower (which I'm extremely grateful for her wanting to help) but she has honestly made me feel like it's more about her than it is about me or my son. I was not allowed to do ANYTHING, I have no say so, I didn't get to decide the theme, the food, the games, down to the location. I really
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 08
    wanted it to be at my grandmas church, the church I was raised in mind you. It was not good enough for her and she INSISTED it be at her house that's being built. Well things are coming. down to the wire and she texted me last minute (with 2 weeks to spare) that she didn't feel comfortable having it at her house so I needed to start looking for venues, again with 2
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 09
    weeks to spare. All I replied back was I and she jumped my case for it. So I took to Facebook to ask for recommendations for Cheap or Free venues JUST IN CASE my grandmas church was already occupied for the baby shower date. She took that as disrespectful and of course my SOS WHOLE family jumped in. (Which I didn't care, I have to find
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 10
    a new place regardless and I'd rather just post to get recommendations than call every single place that may be able to accommodate us.) well I went and updated our baby shower invites and posted the new location I had found and asked everyone to RSVP since we could only have a set number of people. My sister in law with all the negative comments chimed in
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 11
    that "it would be easier if everyone RSVPd to us instead of you so we know how much food to bring" (side note, 90% of the people attending are people who have NEVER MET THEM) which irritated me but I let it go. THEN my aunt asked if we needed help with anything, food, drinks etc. and my mom replied "I think we've got it covered" and I got a
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 12
    long paragraph on how disrespectful and my mom was for saying "we" got it covered because little miss perfect is throwing it all by herself and my mom and I weren't allowed to have any input (mind you my mom did not mean that in a way.) anyways, his sister and nana both took to social media to post about how "ungrateful" I am so I texted my
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 13
    sister in law privately to clear the air. I see absolutely NO POINT in making passive post on social media when I could just talk to you directly. We cleared up all the confusion (or at least I thought) until today. My fiancés nana made not 1, not 2, but 13 ugly Facebook post about me. Mind you, I hadn't even spoken to her in over a week. So I asked my Fiancé to PLEASE set a boundary
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 14
    with them. I wasn't being or ugly so I don't understand why they were and his response was "you should be used to my family being like this" and "it's social media, get over it" at this point I feel like I'm getting bullied and I have no one in my corner, he refused to place that boundary and I stated how if they continued to treat me this way I
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 15
    didn't want them around our son, he then told me "if my family isn't allowed around him than neither is yours" which was not where I was trying to take this, my family is not involved in this drama. we'd been going back and forth about this and I brought up how I just wanted him and my mom in the delivery room during labor, he said "well if my nana can't come then your moms not coming
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 16
    either" and it's just really effecting me, my blood pressure has been high the past two days due to my stress and being 8 months pregnant and I just don't know what to do. All this stress is not good for me and the baby and I just don't know where to go from here. Some advice would be greatly appreciated.
    via CompleteOutside4031
  • 17
    Money-Detective... 10h ago He obviously isn't man enough to stand up to his family for you or his child. I couldn't be with such a clown.
    via Money-Detective1086
  • 18
    CJCreggsGoldfish · 10h ago How family will never be bester or different from this. Think hard on whether you want to spend the rest of your life like this.
    via CJCreggsGoldfish
  • 19
    Recent-Necessa... 10h ago He's never going to put you first. So if you want this for the rest of your life, then accept that they will control your every move, especially when your son is born. If you don't want this and you want to have a say in your life and your child's then you need to
    via Recent-Necessary-362
  • 20
    pack your bags and go to your moms. Your husband and you are not on the same page. You are pregnant and do not need this right now. And truly, you don't ever need this.
    via Recent-Necessary-362
  • 21
    Yiayiamary 9h ago You should not be used to his family being like that. What a wimp he is.
    via Yiayiamary
  • 22
    Azlazee1 8h ago • Do not marry him. Make sure the hospital knows that only your mother is allowed in the delivery room. The hospital will follow your wishes. Not sure if you live together but would suggest you move back with your family if it's possible.
    via Azlazee1
  • 23
    External_Expert_... . 9h ago This is a fiancé problem..... he's showing you what he feels is important and acceptable and you're not listening ... like that saying, "don't tell me show me"... This is what it is
    via External_Expert_2069
  • 24
    One-Draft-4193 . 9h ago I would cancel the shower and just do something with your family. Then I would distance myself from him and his family after I told his family to off. You deserve to be treated with respect and obviously his family doesn't and he is showing you he doesn't either.
    via One-Draft-4193
  • 25
    Acceptable_Koala... • 6h ago Do not marry him. He doesn't have your back. You and your son are supposed to be his family now and he's not looking out for either of you. NOR
    via Acceptable_Koala_488

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relationship advice entitled parents toxic-husband drama mamas-boy mother relationship-drama reddit story relationships husband entitled people karma relationship feud mother in law entitled Reddit toxic relationship dating entitled people
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