‘My MIL called me snotty and a brat’: Woman stands up to controlling mother-in-law after she berates her, woman's husband expects his wife to apologize

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Jul 9, 2024 7:00 PM EDT

You've heard of the Karen. Meet the Karen mother-in-law, or the mother of all Karens.

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  • Workplace Karens are inevitable. Luckily, when you leave work, you're able to leave all of their entitled tendencies and unreasonable complaints behind. Then come the very few who are plagued with the same controlling and obsessive behavior behind the safe door of their apartment. Yep, the mother-in-law Karen. Some may say they are an ancient folktale, but we're here to show you that they exist outside of storybooks and Reddit threads.

    The woman in this story welcomed her mother-in-law into her and her husband's home out of the goodness in her heart. The MIL is going through a divorce and is dealing with health issues that have forced her to retire early. All around, this seems like a pretty sweet deal on the MIL's part, right? To the woman's surprise, her mother-in-law has been tidying up around the house (without being asked to), and in return, expects the woman to sacrifice her meal preferences and eating times so it can coincide with the MIL's schedule. After some verbal harassment from her MIL, the woman stands up for herself and is met with dissonance from her husband. What would you do if you were in this position?

  • 01
    AITA for refusing to apologize to my MiL?
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    My mother-in-law lives with my husband and me after we relocated for his job. We invited her to move with us because she was going through a divorce and had to retire early due to health issues, and the new climate benefits her. We also hoped she could help with our future children, as we are trying to
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  • 03
    conceive. The arrangement was that she would clean, and I would cook. Since she didn't bring her car, I take her to her doctor's appointments. A month ago, while my friend was visiting, my MIL called me snotty and a brat, seemingly out of nowhere. My friend and I initially
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  • 04
    thought she was joking, but she was serious. She was eating food we bought and prepared, while I laid on the couch waiting for some steaks to marinate. She expected us to eat together and berated me, so I stood up for myself. My husband later told me it was because I don't help her clean and that I should stop catering to her.
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  • 05
    My MIL is obsessive about cleaning, even steam-mopping the walls and baseboards weekly and cleaning our bedroom and bathroom, which I always thank her for but tell her isn't necessary. When I cook, I can't use onions, garlic, or anything spicy because she dislikes them, and dinner must be ready no later than 6:30. If she had it her way,
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    she would prefer chicken tenders, fries, or mac 'n' cheese. Additionally, she drinks 2-4 glasses of wine every day despite being on medication for her health issues.
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    I feel like I'm always catering to her since she acts childishly when things don't go her way. We haven't spoken in a month, and my husband thinks I should apologize. AITA for refusing to apologize over a problem she created?
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    Nester1953 · 23h ago Supreme Court Just- [126] Perhaps it's time for you to reconsider whether this living arrangement is working out. First, get your MIL's car transported to where you live so she has some independence and you can stop driving her around. Second, think about whether you want this compulsive cleaner and woman who
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    drinks to her detriment, and who is so disrespectful toward you to care for your children? This seems like a recipe for disaster unless you want her sanitizing your kid and dissing you in front of him. I think that your expectations about how this was going to work out were really sweet, but unfortunately your MIL has proven you wrong.
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    This isn't about whether you apologize (don't; you did nothing wrong), it's about facing the reality that you and your husband miscalculated badly and now need to find a way out of this living arrangement. NTA
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    Savings-Bison-512 · 23h ago Certified Proctologist [22] NTA but it might be time for an "expectations vs reality" conversation. She is living. with you. It's not her home. If she is not happy with the way you live then maybe it's time to find her an apartment of her own.
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    Militantignorance • 20h ago Enthusiast [8] NTA I can see why she's getting divorced. She's a major pain in the who is used to getting her way on everything, all the time. She needs to live in her own space so she can haver exactly what she wants, and you and husband can live your own lives the way you want.
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    Ok_Play2364 · 20h ago I wouldn't apologize. Pick up some brochures of assisted living places and leave them in your bedroom where she would find while cleaning. See if reality sets in
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    _ _Pretty Redditor_ • 23h ago Part ipant [1] NTA. It's important to stand up for yourself and address the issue rather than apologizing for something you didn't do. The situation seems to stem from your MIL's unreasonable expectations and behavior. Open communication with your husband about setting boundaries and finding a resolution would be more productive than apologizing without cause.
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    celticmusebooks 22h ago Part ipant [1] • So, how exactly do you word an apology to someone for THEM calling YOU names? NTA but your husband and his mom are 100% AH The agreement was she would clean and you would cook-- but she's having a toddler tantrum because you were marinating steaks and not cleaning (which is HER responsibility).
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    Be clear to your husband that if you're going to be forced to apologize then you are going to actually DO something to apologize for. Make a list of every childish. awful things she's done and spent ten minutes berating her-- then tell her you're sorry.
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    First_Grapefruit_326 • 22h ago Partassipant [3] NTA. Having 3 adults in a house is a natural recipe for triangulation: either you and your husband, he and his mother, or you and the mother. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, but I'm troubled that you and she haven't spoken in a month.
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    It may be time for professional help if you want this household to stay together, because I don't think you should need to apologize, your husband has to back up your actions, & his mother needs to be respectful for you to all get along.
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    Lurker-78 17h ago ΝΤΑ • I think it's time to reassess your relationship with your husband.
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    fpreview 16h ago • NTA. Time to talk to your husband. Let him know. If you MIL says one more nasty thing. She is out. That you are going to lay out a meal plan. One that has things you like. Even if MIL doesn't. And she can choose to eat. Or she can air fry chicken nuggets.
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    • Roylbex 13h ago NTA, but OP you need to have a discussion with your husband about which one of you (MIL or you) he wants to be married to. Because it shouldn't be BOTH and you shouldn't have to live like this and he shouldn't make statements as if he's your father. ("Needing to speak to both of you, sit you both down like children because your acting like kids")
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  • 22
    SubjectBuilder37... Part ipant [1] NTa She needs to live • 10h ago somewhere else. If she's spicy enough to tangle with you, she is able to live independently. ANyone can cook mac n' cheese and fish fingers. Tell your husband it isn't working out.
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  • 23
    DryPoetry6 · 9h ago NTA, you did nothing wrong. Ask your husband how apologizing to her is not catering to her? HE should. be dealing with this, and moving her out is probably a good idea.
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Tags

feud toxic mother family drama aita drama reddit story family feud Drama Queen husband mother in law entitled family reddit thread Reddit karen relationship drama entitled people
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