Woman Leaves Husband After He Expects Her to Be a Mother When They Agreed on Having No Children

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
Aug 30, 2024 3:00 PM EDT

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen of the internet. When it comes to having children, it's everyone's individual prerogative whether they want to or not. No one can force them against their will, or decide for them. As a society, people like to put women in a box as being 'maternal,' expecting that due to their gender, they will automatically want to be a mother. This is so far from true. 

In this particular Reddit piece, the couple decides before marriage that they don't want children. The husband's sister ends up abandoning her three young children. As tragic as this is, I understand the sister-in-law for not wanting to take them in and commit to being a mother the rest of her life. They help for a while, but eventually she can't do it anymore. She tells her husband she wants a divorce, or the kids are gone. Well, he doesn't handle it well, and pressures her into changing her entire life trajectory. 

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  • 01
    r/AITAH 1 yr. ago No_Split_9680 AITAH for wanting to divorce my husband over kids?
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 02
    I (F29) knew from a young age I don't ever want to have or raise children. I met my husband in college and he was decidedly childfree too. We got married a couple of years back.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 03
    My husband's younger sister (F24) has three kids (M5, M & F 2) with different dead beat guys. Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on a errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 04
    My husband's mom is a minimum wage worker barely scrapping by. She used to be a single mom and do not want to raise these kids.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 05
    I don't want to raise them either. Don't get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don't want to take up. In the 2 months they were here, our expense has increased, we had to buy them clothes and stuff, and they are sleeping in our living room on air mattresses (we only have one bedroom). I had to
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 06
    work from home and look after them cause my husband could not get wfh and daycare for 3 is expensive. It has been really rough to say the least.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 07
    CPS did get involved and asked us whether we want to keep the kids or not. I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page but he wants to keep the kids. CPS has asked us to decide quickly and make necessary changes (get a bigger home for one).
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 08
    My husband and I have gone back and forth on this. I cannot live the next 16 years like this. Raising kids is hard. And expensive. But he wants to be there for his family. Which I get. So yesterday I told him I want a divorce. Quickly, before he made any commitments and dragged me into it with him.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 09
    He called me a AH for divorcing over kids. For abandoning him. when he needed me. I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance and this was a commitment (children) that he is unilaterally deciding on. AITAH?
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 10
    Some relevant info (comments asked me to add): He leaves before 7 am and reaches back home only after 8 pm. In the morning he barely helps cause he has to get ready for work. Still lets give him 2 hours for that, generously. He helps with kids after he reaches (around a hour or 2). He has off only on Sunday.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 11
    Where he still do not take care of kids himself and needs my help. I tried telling him I need the day to work but he keeps disturbing me every 5 mins wanting something. Basically I am never off the clock and he is barely on it. Yesterday was the first day he did it all (or tried to) himself. And it was a disaster. The details are in a comment.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 12
    This is to hopefully make you understand, while he took the admirable decision to raise them, he is not raising them. I would be. Wanting to make a selfless decision is admirable as long as you do it. Not volunteer someone else.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 13
    This is not relevant but it is increasingly annoying when 1 out of 5 comments are telling me about wedding vows. We did not do traditional wedding vows. We do not believe in till death do us part. Our vows did include not having children. Our vow was to stay together till staying apart made us happier than staying
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 14
    together will. Staying in a toxic relationship where you hate each others guts just because you made a vow was never appealing to us.
    via u/No_Split_9680
  • 15
    [deleted] 1y ago I can't fault either of them. Only AH here is the sister.
    via Reddit
  • 16
    StillAmJennifer • 1y ago The sister is safe? Great. Maybe she can use her newfound freedom to take on a couple of jobs to earn money to pay child support for her own kids? Or get thrown in jail for being a deadbeat mom.
    via u/StillAmJennifer
  • 17
    Whippa22 1y ago When do the Dead Beat Dads have their comeuppance?
    via u/Whippa22
  • 18
    Jea... • • 1y ago Edited 1y ago Nta. Isn't abandoning your kids a crime?? Also, depending on your income, there may be child care subsidies. Our church ran a daycare (daycare and after school care) and accepted the government certificate.
    via u/Jea
  • 19
    and did not charge the low- income parents the balance..
    via u/Jea
  • 20
    cypresscoydog • 1y ago NTA, for all the reasons others have listed. But also because forcing someone into parenthood is also bad for those children. If you are ill equipped or unwilling, those children will be the ones that suffer for it. They
    via u/cypresscoydog
  • 21
    deserve parents who want them whole heartedly, and nothing less.
    via u/cypresscoydog

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