21-year-old university student wonders if they're wrong for refusing to contribute to expenses while living at home with her parents: 'They feel that it is my duty to contribute to the household...'

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    AITA for refusing to pay my parents an allowance when i still live with them. I'm a 21F university student still living with my parents. I deeply appreciate their support, including accommodation and food. I currently work one day a week due to my full-time studies, so my income is limited, but I manage as I don't spend much.
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    Since high school, my parents have been asking me to pay rent and an allowance. I initially thought they were joking and didn't take it seriously, though it did bother me that they kept bringing it up. Recently, I mentioned, somewhat jokingly, that while they're asking for an allowance, other students are receiving allowances from their
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    parents. I don't actually expect them to give me an allowance but I was just saying it in response to them always asking me for an allowance. This led to a disagreement where I realized they were serious about me contributing financially. They feel that it is my duty to contribute to the household to show appreciation. It's also not like I have never given any money to the household. I paid for the gardener
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    a couple of times in the past when I had the most cash on hand. it's not a lot (maybe only a few thousand over the past few years) but I was happy to pay when I could. For context, my parents are financially comfortable and don't need what little allowance I could provide them. I don't qualify for government student financial aid due to their income, and they don't
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    provide me with direct financial support. I feel like they aren't considering the pressure I'm under. I save every penny I make because of my student debt and the high cost of living. I'm surrounded by peers who receive allowances from their parents, and while I can't comment on whether that's right or wrong, I feel like my parents are asking for something outside the norm. They
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    seem to view my refusal as ungrateful, though I believe they should be more considerate of my situation. Even if I were to pay them, it wouldn't significantly benefit them, and it would still be a 'good deal' for me. However, it's the principle that bothers me, they don't try to ease my burden and instead make me feel inadequate. Should I be contributing financially to them? Am I the for feeling like they shouldn't ask this of me?
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a e: i refused to pay my parents an allowance even though i live with them, eat their food and don't pay rent/ utilities. they think that i am being ungrateful and i think i may be the ale because logically what they are asking for is not wrong. I ultimately will still be benefiting from them as what i can pay them definitely wont cover my actual living expenses (rent, food, bills etc.)
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    . Oh-its-Tuesday · 9 hr. ago I'm guessing you're not in the US. You are NTA for thinking it's weird that your parents are wanting an allowance from you. An allowance is pocket money parents give their kids for chores or some spending money to hang out with their friends. It's not something adults give each other.
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    If your parents want you to pay them rent then you all need to sit down and discuss that. What is reasonable? And set the expectation that being a renter means you don't answer to them about when you come and go, and you certainly don't pay the gardener since that's a landlord's job.
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    As an aside, while I know some parents charge their kids rent I've always found it a weird concept for a college student. If your child decides to work full time instead of going to college, sure charging rent can make sense. Same for post college grads still living at home. But in school full time? Why are you putting pressure on your child to work to pay rent vs focusing on studying? Makes no sense. Good grades in lieu of rent makes sense.
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    • RulerOfNyaNyaLand 9 hr. ago NTA. You aren't eligible for financial aid because they make money and have no financial hardship BECAUSE the government expects well off parents to support their own kids through college and help with tuition. I think parents who add to their own child's financial hardship just as they're starting out in life, getting educated, and trying to save up are AHs.
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    I don't think they owe you more than a roof over your head, but any parent who loves you and wants to support your studies shouldn't be charging you money while you're a full time student unless they literally can't afford not to. (They should keep you on their health insurance plan too if they can.) Everyone who is saying YTA shouldn't have kids if they just want to fling them out there to predatory lenders and usurous interest rates and financial hardship the second they turn 18 or graduate fr
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    introextromidtro 9 hr. ago . NTA, they chose to have you and despite what a bunch of kids (and bitter adults) here might think you turning 18 didn't magically erase their responsibility. If they were financially struggling or you were doing well it'd be one thing, but if they're just doing it on principle, which is what it sounds like, they're doing it. for
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    Putting a financial burden on a young person just starting out in life, a young person YOU brought into the world, purely because you want to be "shown appreciation" is nonsense.
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    • DeadBattery-33 9 hr. ago NTA. There was a thread a while back about someone whose parents did this, forcing the OP to work through college. When he graduated, they gave him all the money back as a "gift" without a hint of understanding that a big part of college is networking and establishing life- long friendships, which he didn't get because he was working constantly. All told it was about
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    $40k but it cost OP far more than that. His parents thought it was a life lesson, and it was: his parents were and were subsequently cut out of his life. OP, if you're going to have to pay at live with your folks and give them an allowance on top of it, it might be time to move out with roommates. You're missing out.
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    • Quick-Possession-245 9 hr. ago Your parents are asking for something outside the norm. You are a young adult still in school. Ask them if they would like you to give up on school and go to work full time so that you can give them money. If they say yes, you know they are serious and you should find other accommodations.
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    If they say no, tell them that when you have finished school and are making decent money, you will either move out or pay them rent. Paying your parents an allowance is ridiculous. NTA
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    IllegitimateFroyo - 8 hr. ago . edited 2 hr. ago I think folks here are getting caught up on the use of the term "allowance." Maybe something is getting lost in translation. OP awkward terminology aside, at its core, I think your parents are asking you to contribute financially to the household, full stop. Whether it's fair/right/wrong/etc is debatable, but it's a very common ask in many cultures.
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    You're NTA but I think you need to have a conversation with your parents about expectations and what's reasonable. Also, just to add, unless you're looking at their tax statements, bank statements, AND credit scores, you have no clue whether the family is struggling or not. Many parents do a great job hiding that stuff from their kids.
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    Humble_Plantain_5918 · 9 hr. ago NTA...I don't understand all these votes calling you TA. Unless your parents are hard up for cash and struggling, there's just no reason to hobble their own child by demanding an allowance (???) on top of rent. You don't give people who are financially well off extra
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    spending money when you are trying to pay for a college education. That's a huge debt. I don't love that they're asking for rent either. It's their right, but it's move if they don't need it a and you're already saddled with paying for college.
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    Various-Individual36 9 hr. ago NTA. I would never think to ask my son for an allowance while he was in college. How much are they asking for?
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    Freeverse711 · 9 hr. ago • Rent I think is perfectly acceptable to ask, the allowance thing is frigging weird. I'd never ask my kids for an allowance.
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    SocaliMan 8 hr. ago Yall need to sit down and communicate for why they want this. Like you said, you contributing wouldn't make a big different BUT I think the reason parents are doing it is to get you used to having to do it and it make sense that you contribute wherever you are living. This is a fact of life and that is the BIG DIFFERENCE that your parents might be trying to do. To help you foster a healthy habit of working and contributing to the household.
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    Also, having the responsibility to contribute creates the necessity of holding down a job. This is important so you don't build a habit of not holding down a job because you don't need to pay for anything. I think you will ultimately benefit from this.
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    I would speak with parents to negotiate something comfortable with you such as paying a couple of bills monthly like internet, water, gas bills. Those usually are not much a month, maybe $200-300 or so a month depending on where you are. Keep saving up until you can afford to rent a room somewhere and move out. You yourself know you are benefiting greatly from staying at home.
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    Let's say you move out and rent a room, maybe you get lucky and find one for $500 a month, add $200-400 for food to feed yourself for a month, $100-200 a month for car insurance, and you quickly see how much you are saving. I don't understand the allowance thing.
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    Leek-Middle 8 hr. ago I'm voting NTA. It would be very different if they were paying for your schooling as well as everything else, then rent would be an acceptable ask. The fact that you only work one day a week, are a full-time student and are paying for all of it by yourself BECAUSE your parents are financially well off makes it seem kind of ridiculous for them to expect you to give them an allowance+rent.
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    East_Hospital_2775.8 hr. ago info: you're an adult. It's reasonable to expect you to contribute, either monetarily or physically, to the household. So what do you do around the house that justifies not paying rent?
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    curious-trex 3 days ago • Never in my life have I heard of a child paying their parents an allowance. Mercy me sweadle 8 hr. ago • OP mistranslated the word. They mean a small payment towards living expenses, not like a full rent
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    Connect_Hospital_270 9 hr. ago NTA: It is ultimately their home, but they should have made expectations a lot more clear for you. The allowance thing is kind of crazy to me, but besides the point, they should at least allow you to live rent free. I would make my kids pay for food at that age, because twenty-somethings can bankrupt a household on food alone, but rent? No way. Not while they are going to school full-time.
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    • JupiterRosalie · 8 hr. ago As an adult living in a house that is not free, you should contribute something. It's not about if they need it. They're trying to teach you to value things and plan expenses, even if they are small. YTA. Start helping out more.

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