Neglected 16-year-old refuses to buy dad a birthday gift after years of preferential treatment for his 7-year-old and 9-year-old stepsiblings, gets accused of 'behaving like a child' by stepmom: 'I told him I don't feel loved and wanted'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Sep 3, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

Combining families is something that almost always comes with some kind of drama. As a parent, gaining stepchildren gives you a crucial dilemma: how do you treat them when you have your own kids to parent too? You don't just have to worry about keeping all the children happy, but also you partner as well. 

This is something that many moms and dads sadly do not succeed in making the right choice with. This is something that one teenager suffered through for the past six years when his widowed father got into a relationship with a woman who had two kids of her own. Ever since, he felt like he was overlooked in favor of making his stepsiblings happy, something he discussed with his dad but saw no progress with. This led him to snub his dad's birthday, which neither he nor his stepmom was happy about. However, Reddit was on his side.

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10398172160
    via Kelli McClintock

    Photo does not represent real subjects in the story

  • 02
    AITA for ignoring my dad's birthday and not getting him a gift?
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 03
    Ever since I (16m) was a little kid I got my dad a birthday gift with the help of my (surrogate) grandparents. My mom died when I was 2 so it was me and dad for a lot of years. Dad and I used to be really close.
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 04
    Then when I was 10 he met Jen and he met her kids who were 18 months and 3 years old at the time. Dad and Jen fell in love pretty fast and they moved in together a few months after they met. Jen was divorced and her kids dad wasn't around. So my dad decided he needed to step up and be a good dad to them. He told me things would change but I was still his son and he'd make time for me. But ever since he decided Jen's kids were going to be his, he let me down a lot. It started with us having plans
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 05
    Oh, and the big thing that Ime off is for the last 6 years (almost) he gives Jen's kids credit and thanks them too when I buy him a gift. Even when I tell him it's from only me. He talks about it being teamwork to get him that.
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 06
    I tried talking to dad. He admitted he let me down. He told me he was afraid of Jen's kids feeling rejected if he were to cancel with them for me. That he didn't want them to feel like he loved me more when all three of us are equal. I told him he cares more about them and he asked how I could say that after 10 years of having all his attention. He asked me to think about the kids whose bio dad walked out on them and who could feel really unwanted if he were to let them down. I told him I didn't
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 07
    He didn't think I would actually follow through. This big talk happened back in April. Dad's birthday was yesterday and I didn't join in on any of the celebrations and I got him nothing. I didn't even say happy birthday. I knew they were going out for the day but I didn't go and I knew ahead of time. When they got home dad was upset because I was on the couch playing video games. He told me he'd missed me. Jen told me I had really hurt my dad and was behaving like a child instead of a 16 year ol
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 08
    anya-444 NTA, It is sorta petty but you tried with grown up talk and it didn't work out. It was a powerful move to show him how he makes you feel all the time. Its okay to accept stepkids, as he should-but he obviously put them ahead of you. Soon you will be old enough to move out and forget about all of them..
    via anya-444
  • 09
    Ok_Mills_4869 It wasn't our first talk either but it was the first one where I tried to be mature and express how I felt and what things bothered me specifically. It ended up going badly in the end. But I tried. I know I tried. And he still couldn't assure me or make it seem like he actually cared. He took me for granted.
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 10
    mother-of-dragons 13 As soon as you said 'he said he would try to let you down LESS' just mean he wasnt going to stop ignoring you and forgetting you exist. You tried to deal with it in a mature way and he got whiney when you treat him the way he treats you. NTA hun and start making plans to leave asap. Get your documents somewhere safe. Get a part time job. Get a bank account for your wages away from a bank hes at.
    via mother-of-dragons13
  • 11
    Pleasant-Koala 147 NTA. Jen told me I...was behaving like a child. You are a child. One that's been abandoned by his father, despite the fact you live in the same home as him. You've done all that you can to communicate your hurt to him. Now it's time to protect your heart. He may come back to you soon and promise change. Believe only his actions. I'd actually recommend you get therapy for yourself. You've been through a lot, losing your mother and then being emotionally abandoned by your father
    via Pleasant-Koala147
  • 12
    Emiliodash88 NTA. You tried to talk to him about it and it did nothing. I'm sorry your dad is treating you like this. Do you have any other family you can speak with?
    via Emiliodash88
  • 13
    Ok_Mills_4869 No. My dad was never close to his family. They were pretty (which is why he wanted to be such a good dad before and why he was able to be when I was younger). I don't know any of them. My mom wasn't very close to her family and they live in another state and I only have a little contact. My grandparents are surrogate grandparents. They were our old neighbors and they sorta took my parents on as honorary kids and me as an honorary grandkid but I'm not sure that would work. I have ta
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 14
    randisuewho "He asked me to think about the kids whose bio dad walked out on them and who could feel really unwanted if he were to let them down." Let him know that because of his efforts to be there for them that you know exactly how it feels, but what makes it worse is that he's still there so you get a front row seat to him being a great dad to everyone but you. ΝΤΑ
    via randisuewho
  • 15
    kyravalentina NTA. It's kind of ironic how he became a hero dad to his step children but an A dad to you. That's just not how it works. He might save the other kids, but he became an absent father to yours and for the stepmom to meddle by telling you your acting like a child, she has no right to say so and she should've just let the two of you talk.
    via kyravalentina_
  • 16
    Ok_Mills_4869 I know and he was a great dad to me before. I looked up to my dad so much when I was younger. And I loved spending time with him. That's why this has been so much rougher. It's not like I didn't have a good relationship ever. So it feels like I was discarded for others. And it hurts that he'd rather be a good dad to someone else's kids than to me.
    via Ok_Mills_4869
  • 17
    laughinglovinglivid NTA. You've spoken to your dad about how he's made you feel, and he's effectively done nothing to remedy the situation. He can't enjoy the benefits of having three kids if he only puts in the effort with two of them. If you're open to still having a relationship with your dad, I'd suggest asking him whether you could all attend family therapy, but I wouldn't be surprised if you're just done with the situation at this point.
    via laughinglovinglivid
  • 18
    InfamousCup 7097 Two more years. Focus on school, so maybe you can get a scholarship for something or go to trade school that starts out with a decent salary. Use some of your downtime to do research. Move our at 18. Either on a dorm for college or rent a room and work. Go no contact with your bio dad, stopped being your father years ago. Good luck. NTA
    via InfamousCup7097
  • 19
    Secret_Double_9239 NTA and how dare Jen say that when she had watched your dad allow her children to be priority while you get pushed to the back. Maybe I'm petty but I'd probably take it a step further and start call in him by his first name or Mr or sir instead of dad to really hit home. Also have your grandparents put down as your school emergency contacts. You've tried to be grown up and speak to him and he is ignoring the issues and trying to guilt you.
    via Secret_Double_9239
  • 20
    Party-Insurance6165 NTA. If he is going to be a parent then he needs to act like one. This should be his wake up call. If anything, just be civil and your grades need to stay high. Move on and go be successful. If dad is not willing to step in until it's too late, then just get therapy for yourself. Because you'll need to accept it and move on otherwise you'll have daddy issues, not your fault but that's just how trauma works out for young humans.
    via Party-Insurance6165

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aita family birthday stepmom stepsiblings parenting dad argument reddit thread Reddit son
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